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#2564325 05/05/15 12:40 AM
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Wet Offline OP
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Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Posts: 942
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OK, a quick update with a few different subjects. Theme of these subjects, W is annoying me. First, my W called me last Thursday, and pressed me to help out pay for d17's college application. I didn't have it, and I reminded her that the substantial tax refunds she was getting were to cover expenses like this.

She then texted me that she had not received the tax refunds. And my tax program let me know when the federal refund came in (2 days earlier), and that the state refund would come in 2 weeks. So I texted W this info with the amounts of the refunds. And she told me I was wrong?! (how dare she!) But I had the tax return right here, and I was annoyed by the information of the returns we both had, and W trying to deny what we both knew.

S13 had his 1st baseball game this past Sunday. I texted W to see if she was going to the game, and thought we would do the child-swap after the game. W told me she was not going to the game but she was cheering for him from afar. S13's 1st game, c'mon it's a couple of hours outside on a nice day. Annoying.

OK, let me get this off of chest. W changed her photo on FB, and her picture is the most unattractive photo she has ever taken. My W is beautiful, don't get me wrong. But this photo has her eyes look like they are different sizes, and she just looks hostile. Her photo is annoying. I hope your getting the theme here. grin Perhaps this is a sign I am more fully detaching, as I rarely think of her during the week. And when I do, I am annoyed.

Finally, my bit of GAL. I am coming alongside a man in Divorce Care who is separated and having a tough time. He is socially awkward, and has a 2 year Restraining Order against him. He needs a friend right now, so I am regularly checking in on him, and giving him some free legal advice. I am learning more myself from the advice I am giving him.

Also I am getting away next weekend. When I texted W to let her know I would not be taking s13 next weekend, she was annoyed. S13 has Thursday and Friday off from school, and she really wanted the long weekend away from him. Oh well. I get an occasional weekend away for myself to hang out with adults too! There is no way I'm giving up this weekend.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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Hi Wet. Glad to see things are progressing. smile

Yeah, the annoyance is a good sign for you. You're not so enamored of the past W that you're losing perspective. Honestly, your feelings matter and I can see why you're annoyed. Just don't lash out, right? No tit for tat.

And I'm very happy to see you volunteering. To be honest, people talk about recovery and healing. Know what? One of the surest signs of healing is reaching out and helping others. At least in my experience, when you give some of the focus off of you, that's when the real healing is going on.

Seems fairly normal, Wet. And good to see.

Peace,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Good for you! Yes, I believe as AJ does that helping other promotes healing in yourself. Princess Diana was often sad as her marriage was failing but went out to meet people and comfort them, alot of which wasn't done with photographers.

Life goes on here, I medded up my router by resetting it and now I can't the wifi reconnected, let alone find the site to open my router as it isn't answering the address it says it has. May need to reset it again. Yikes!!

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Hi, Wet -- I haven't been going onto these forums for a long time, as I had said, but for some reason the other day I was thinking of you and wondering how things were going, I always include you and your wife in my prayers. I read through a few of your posts, and saw some of the tough love responses you got that may have stung your heart. I have been thinking about it ever since and just want to encourage you because I know you do pray, that you look for ways not just to GAL but to change the way you think about this whole thing, to subdue your will and way towards God's will and Way. You can only be a light in this darkness we are all going through, but it is going to require some very difficult changes as far as not being tempted to influence her behavior or to take any actions to manipulate her behavior. I have spent two years on this process and am just starting to understand how to do it (with the help of constant prayer). I read a devotional today that covers this idea exactly. Here is a link to it -- it's the one for today, called, "What, Me Love My Spouse Now?" It's very religious so I don't think I am supposed to post it here, but I hope you have a chance to read it.



I try not to visit these forums as I find I need to look only to God for help, I get often discouraged from that very difficult path actually here, but I wanted to write to you because I wanted you to know I am thinking of you and praying for you and your wife. I may not see your reply for a long while if you do reply.

Last edited by Cristy; 07/10/15 07:00 PM. Reason: per forum agreement, do not mention or post links to other websites

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Hi Gerda,

You brought a tear to my eye with your post. Thank you.

I miss you and your updates. The Lord bless you with strength, peace and wisdom in your struggle for your marriage.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
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OK, repeat after me Sandi is always right.

So I am going away for the weekend, and told W this so she knew she had s13 this weekend, as I always have s13 on the weekends. I played it "mysterious" not telling anyone the details of my plans. (As Sandi preaches.)

So I plan on going over today to W's place to pick up s13 as he has the next 2 days off from school. This is when the weirdness starts - W texts me telling me that she has a "horrible" migraine and when I come over can I bring some ice cream (she gives the details of the brand and flavor.)

Now what is weird about this, is that over the past year, I have made clear I am not her friend. I don't do things like this for her. But I suspected W was testing me, so I got her the ice cream.

On my ride over to W's place, I cranked my old Friday night song from many years ago thatI played when going out with guys to dance, drink, and meet the ladies - 'I Feel So Good' (I'm Going to Break Somebodies Heart Tonight) by Richard Thompson. If you want some PMA, this is a great song for us guys.

So I have my strut going as I get to W's place. I give her the ice cream. She tells me she's been throwing up for 3 hours sick, and the ice cream is the only thing that sounds good. I cover my ears and start saying "la, la, la". W gets it - tmi.

Then the golden moment. W asks me "do you have a fun weekend planned." I give a BIG grin, and say simply "yes". She asks me to share your plans". I walk away saying nothing. She starts pleading for details. I give her nothing. S13 and I head out to my car.

OK, it's not a big deal but W hasn't shown any interest in me or what I am doing since last July. And do I smell some jealousy? I think I do.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
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Wet Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Friday's Lawyer Joke - Brass Rat:

A man came across a striking brass rat in an antique store and decided it would look great on his desk. He paid $100 for it but was surprised when the proprietor insisted it was non-returnable. He said, “It’s been returned twice already, and I don’t want to see it again.”

Leaving the store, the man saw a couple of rats scurrying around the corner; several more were near his car. As he drove, rats appeared from the gutters and side streets until he was nearly overwhelmed. In panic, he threw the brass rat over a bridge railing into a river, and witnessed the army of live rats follow it into the depths.

The man hurried back to the store, but the owner cut him short, saying, “Look, I told you there would be no returns.” The man quickly replied, “Oh no, that’s fine. I was just wondering if you had a brass lawyer.”


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
W
Wet Offline OP
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OP Offline
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W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
So I was gone this weekend. I played it "mysterious", and W showed interest in what I was doing for the 1st time in many months.

I got back to my place on Sunday/Mother's Day. D20 stays with me and we decided to watch a movie "This is Where I Decide to Leave You." A good movie. But the main character played by Jason Bateman at the start of the movie finds his W in bed with his boss. So be forewarned. Tina Fey and Jane Fonda are very good in the movie.

But d20 wasn't working and hung out for most of the day at our place. I asked her if she was going to see her mom today, and she just said no. I was hoping W and d20 were starting to repair their R. But I guess it is slower going than I thought.

I go to work and the first text I get from W - "Did you have a nice weekend?" So I guess she was still thinking of what I was doing during the weekend. I did not reply.

S13 had a baseball game tonight. The weather is bad here cold, rainy, windy. Since I missed his weekend game, I still wanted to go tonight. W was originally going to go, but b/c of the weather asked me to take s13. I agreed.

So although s13 was playing well, and his team was winning, I was freezing, and so I decided to text W with updates of the game and she was texting back. And by the end of the game we had over 30 total texts going back and forth. It was fun, lighthearted. It helped distract me from the weather.

W told me she was editing photos from her latest photo-shoot while texting me. And W sent me the photo she was working on. It was an attractive woman. I complemented her on the photo, and that her client would be happy. Yes, when W tells me of her doing a photoshoot, I still wonder if this was for a guy that she was helping with his dating site photos. That was her original idea for expanding her photography business - helping people with their dating site photos. So it was nice to see that W was working for a female client.

So all-in-all a pleasant exchange with W with our texts. Oh, and s13's team won by the "10 run rule", which got me home a bit quicker.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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AJM Offline
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Ah, springtime. smile

Yeah, it takes a while sometimes. And sometimes, it doesn't work well for at least one child. I know my son didn't want to be with his mom this weekend, but it is what it is. I got the pleasure of hanging out with him - I consider that a great thing. Her loss. And sadly, his too, but that's between them and they'll work it out eventually. I have faith in that.

Keep the faith, brother!

Try not to do things because she gets interested. That'll drive you crazy. Instead, do them for you and if she gets curious, that's ok too. smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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