NLT - I am so sorry you are going through the divorce. Seems like it is something (some/most) feel the need to do.
And yes, I do feel my life is a bit like a soap opera - a rather low level drama which is compulsive rather than actually very interesting.
I needed to contact xh about an issue relating to our former joint business affairs. He was polite and helpful up to a point, but scuttled quickly back into his rabbit hole. First time I have initiated contact in a long time.
I haven't wasted much mental energy on this, but wonder if he finds being reminded of his old life as painful as I used to do.
To me it is now something that happened. It left its scars and there are issues I am still dealing with, but I don't think I am any longer in a destructive cycle, nor am I in denial.
I am now involved in a new business venture, as an adviser, and loving it! No interest in a relationship though!
Well bunnikins just phoned for a long chat. Wants to know how to approach the children. I was pleasant but tough and not very helpful. His circus, his monkeys.
I have no idea why he suddenly called out of the blue. If I hadn't ended the call he would still be there talking away. He said it had been nice talking to me (aaahhhh) and when could he see my again (WTF). Which bit of 'you left me and the children nearly a decade ago and we have lives' does he not get??
Yes, it would be nice if he had a relationship with his children, but it isn't my problem, and never was.
Well, that's interesting. How many more times is he going to ask you about how to approach the children, which by the way are adults, and get the same answers from you?
Gosh the circus is in town and I've got to run out and get my ticket and lots of popcorn for this particular show. LOL!
Your life is never dull.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And, I just got a phone call (one of those computer generated numbers, same system that my xh uses - different number But same area code). It was apparently a wrong number BUT I get a wrong number once in a blue moon, and I strongly suspect from her accent (I don't know the woman) that is my xh's new wife. I think she is checking up on him.
Not many people use this particular system where I live.
Sounds like he is still trying to come to terms with the decisions he has made and wants to keep a connection with you. For some reason you are the connection to the children, perhaps because he didn't put in the time to have a real connection with them himself. You have a great strength to just address the facts and not get too involved.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015
DJ - honestly who knows? My children are all adult now and two of them are married. My xh has seriously upset their wives, and when I told him this, quite gently, he didn't argue.
It is practice, and detachment in the name of sanity that has got me here. I wouldn't have done it without a huge amount of support from some wonderful people on these boards. Many of them no longer post, but Job still does for which I know many of us are truly grateful
The strength of some of the newer posters, and their insight is amazing. I do not know what I would have done without this place.
And, I just got a phone call (one of those computer generated numbers, same system that my xh uses - different number But same area code). It was apparently a wrong number BUT I get a wrong number once in a blue moon, and I strongly suspect from her accent (I don't know the woman) that is my xh's new wife. I think she is checking up on him.
Not many people use this particular system where I live.
Maybe his new wife is checking to make sure XH has no OW on the side. Ironic...heh.
Oh, goody! Can't wait to hear what he purchased you! Maybe you are getting a plastic Easter Egg! LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ironic...heh.