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Ok. Kinda weird. I asked for a chance to simplify my finances. I prayed for this opportunity to make things simple.

Can't get much simpler than an apartment next to my office...All utilities included. I know she wouldn't charge me more than $500 per month.

I can't live in a dump though. Been there, done that.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Heather,
You want some advice about the place next door to where you work? Well, here's my fifty cents on that one, run, do not walk as far away as you can from this offer. It sounds like it is in worse shape than your home that you left in Ohio. I know you want to find something more reasonable, but don't lower yourself and your daughter to living in that dump. All you would need is for Matt to find out that you have your daughter living in that place and he would file some kind of complaint because of the living conditions. Quite frankly, it sounds like a fire trap. Keep looking. It's spring time and things will begin to open up and you'll find something nice and more affordable.

Now, about the little girl down the street...don't get sucked into her staying at your home. It's okay for her to come over periodically to play, but this man and his baby momma may become the type of people that will allow you to babysit her and feed her on your watch. It's nice to open your house up to others...but be careful w/your time, energy and hospitality. I know you feel sorry for her, but it does sound like they want to dump her off on someone else and you don't want to become the babysitter to this young girl.

I would be questioning why he's got custody of all of the kids. If I read correctly, the mothers of the children are not living in the area. Something doesn't sound right if he's got them all and the mothers don't have them.

Keep moving forward.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job.

That's what I was thinking too. I just don't want to be a big baby if God is putting something in my path to help the situation. In some ways, it's exactly the answer to our prayers...yet, it's a big ol' dump. So much of the village is like that. In D12's words, "It's just so depressing mom."

I just need to calm the heck down. I started putting the numbers in the budget and got all excited at cutting here and cutting there!! Maybe I just need to trust God. He found us this really nice place.

This week, aside from the Forester, I had the "revised" atty bill, the looming Ohio hearing date (still with no settlement proposal in hand), tax issues, rental issues, bills-bills-bills-news about the sex offender...it all got me spinning again. I was looking desperately for a quick solution. Deep breath. I caught myself putting everything but the paper first again. The panic was imploding in my head.

The man with ALS was a great reminder. Steady it goes.

Despite the high rent, I don't worry about D12 being alone here. And, I would worry in the other village. These homes are safe, clean and the neighborhood is very small. We are also right across the street from the police. In some ways, it's really ideal. It's just the price and the distance. I guess if I think about it, just because I'm a hit in the village where I work doesn't mean I couldn't be a hit elsewhere.

Last night, I sent the girl away. I was polite. I felt so badly for her. I did tell her she could come back today to hang out. It's D12 that I don't want taken advantage of. I've told her I'm ok with her playing with this little girl as long as it's something SHE wants to do...or, if she wants to help the little girl...but, she has the right to say, "No" or end the playdate when she is tired. D12 is really mature for her age and this little girl is really immature...and needy. The situation has set off my red flags. Something is very strange and very wrong.

I heard back this week that the boy who raped the little girl in my Ohio home has only received a slap on the wrist. He will get probation and house arrest for the two children he violated. I guess the one cousin he raped (three times) told the court that the offending boy had admitted there were other children. I'm sure there were. This boy, at 15, left a trail and I tutored him at the height of his activity. I'm so grateful D12 had his number from the start and had the confidence to keep him far away.

The rental company told me to pay what I could and keep the conversations open. I will do that.

I still have the list of resources the Asperger's woman gave me. I will continue to look through them.

One day at a time.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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You said it Heather - One day at a time.

I really identify with your money worries and renting a place you can ill afford - I have spreadsheets for spreadsheets now! I know its hard, its stressful and causes you sleepless nights but something always does seem to come along just at the right moment; just keep everyone in the loop, explain the situation and most people/companies are open to helping where they can.

I agree with job, please don't even consider this new place, it sounds like it should be condemned, on top of that you would not be happy there which will affect both you and your d emotional and physical well being, sometimes no matter how hard it gets we have to be rational and draw a line at what measures we are prepared to take - living in a "dump" should not be one of them. Dry, clean and safe - you deserve no less.

Its such a sad situation with this little girl and I can see it is tugging your heartstrings, it would mine too - but I have learnt valuable lessons over the years by helping families who just wont help themselves and it always ends the same way - them doing the take take take. Its a tough one for sure; as long as you are confident she is getting her basic needs met and she is being cared for then I would not encourage her calling on you - but I have to say that if I felt her and her siblings are not being cared for properly or she could be in danger then I would involve the authorities - its the responsible thing to do.

I think you are doing great, you are still moving forward and dealing with the challenges that come along with grace and strength, you may not see it, but I do. Keep going Heather, you will get through this crappola time and life will be good once again.

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Thanks Lou. That means a lot.

I know it could be much much worse.

We shall overcome.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Nothing to add except my support. You are doing great Heather!


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Slow and steady will win the race. Don't jump at the first thing that comes along. If it is worth while it will be there long enough for you to consider everything before deciding.

A year ago my ex tried to commit suicide. I had to deal with young daughters, lawyers, job issues, etc. Seemed like every time I looked something new was hitting me square in the face. I felt like I had no chance. Life seemed impossible. All I could do was move one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I took it one day at a time. Took care of the things I could and tried not to sweat the ones I couldn't. I worked on thinking positively and not looking for the negative. I went almost a year without work while I concentrated on fixing what I could in my life. Looking back now I can see how doing the right things and being positive has put me in a place now that is much better than it was a year ago.

You are doing great. Keep on top of your finances religiously and they will fall into place. Keep positive thoughts and do the right things. Life has a way of rewarding those who do right. It will get easier.


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Thanks Life and Gwen. I really appreciate your kind thoughts.

Weird day.

So, I'm on this free dating site. And, this guy starts chatting with me. I have some red flags right off the bat. Something just didn't jive. He mentions he is in town temporarily to work. So, I just have this gut feeling and say, "Are your wife and kids in such-and-such?"

He says something sorta vague. So I ask directly, "Are you married?"

"Yes"

WTF?

So, I say, "Rat Bastard."

Well, this guy starts doing the MLC monologue all over the place. It was W.E.I.R.D.

He's all..."I've been married 18 years and we've been on this site together before and I was listening the to the young guys at work and wanted to see what this was all about...yadda, yadda..."

And, I say...well, I was married for 23 years and my husband was just seeing what was out there too...He hasn't seen our oldest daughter in 2 years. She hasn't forgiven him. Don't give up before you grow up.

Then, I unmatched him.

Whatta jerk.

Also, learned today that Matt's atty never sent the settlement proposal to my atty. Never sent it. His attorney is milking it until the next hearing. Ugh.

I sent a text to Matt and received no response. Of course, I immediately think the worst and imagine he is planning some terrible surprise for me. Whatever. I think it's mainly nerves talking. Fried nerves.

OH, AND spoke to my mother too.

Get this!? She posted on Facebook last night this weird tale about how she was getting gas and left the car running with the pump in the tank and went inside to pay or get food or something...Anyway, she is talking to some people in the gas station and this kid freaks out because her car is rolling into the street, heading wrong way with the gas pump still attached. The young man jumped in the car and drove it back to the station. No harm done, but seriously??!!!

My mom was playing it off like a big joke. I texted my brother and sister and told them she shouldn't be driving.

Then, I called her today to tell her how much it scared me. She laughed it off. And, turned it around...Last time I spoke to her I was really down and today she says, "So what are you going to do?"

About what mom? The Job? Bills? Divorce? D12? What?

IDK. She exhausts me.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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My Mom and Matt are like the same person. I think some of the anger I feel for Matt is really the anger I feel with my mother. I went on Facebook tonight and a ton of people responded to her crazy episode. That's my mom...always the celebrity. Her high school boyfriend was among the well-wishers. So, she is back to Dad number 3.


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Nice job on the dating site. Good call, that dirtbag.

Can I suggest something? Perhaps dealing with your feelings toward your mom first would make it more readily possible to deal with the other feelings?

Your mom is your mom and you can't un-mom her. Perhaps dealing with those feelings and the past feelings toward your mom is a good start to unravelling other things going on?

Just a thought, Heather.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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