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#2563842 05/03/15 07:12 PM
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Mighty Offline OP
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History of a crazy life:

Wrecking Ball:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2472154#Post2472154

Que Sera Sera:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2478986#Post2478986

Eyes Wide Open:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2493724&page=1

Time For Change:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2494298#Post2494298

Dynamic of a Family Revised:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2498183#Post2498183

Diggin Deep:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2502356#Post2502356

The Silver Lining:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2510323&page=1

Staying Focused:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2512426&page=1

Tread Lightly:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2512428#Post2512428

The Next Three Weeks:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2517994#Post2517994

The Next Step: The True Test
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2523268#Post2523268

Forging Through the Unknown:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2529674&page=1

Mighty:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2529681#Post2529681

Rebound: Round 2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2534521#Post2534521

Learn to Fly:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537919#Post2537919

Recoup:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2546394&page=1

Uno:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2546425#Post2546425

Escaping A Dr. Seuss Nightmare:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2554259#Post2554259

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Mighty Offline OP
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And there we have it...

1.5 years since bd

10 months since nuke

6 months since xh's admitted regrets and wants back

3 months since he went awol again

and 18 threads later.....

Where the heck am I?

Well... It's been an interesting road, to say the least.

I have a new life. Not really sure what it truly looks like... or where its headed, but, its mine.

I have accepted that I am going it alone this part of the journey. With my kids by my side... yet watching them grown into their own, more independent lives too.

I realize I have a long way to go. I think I've made it through the toughest part..... um.... maybe???? Hopefully?!

There are still some seriously painful moments, but moments of happiness are taking hold. There is a lot out there for me to enjoy and to learn and to experience.

I am a different person. Yet, the core me is still intact. There are some things I know I don't like very much about myself, and I'm working on that. Yet, there are some things I do like about myself.

I am still hard on myself. That keeps me awake at night. I will try to cut myself some more slack... and if I don't I know uR will smack me back out of my momentary lapses. No more, "BUTS" er... try not to...

My heart still breaks for xh. I still wonder about how truly happy he is. Then I have moments where I see clarity and some reality of this debacle of a situation. I mean, as best as one could, I guess. I understand what I understand, and that's that you can't truly understand outside of what we know as general truths. That may make no sense... but... that's my crazy mind.

I see him trying the same thing over and over again. It's not working for him, yet he does not step outside of that to try something different. I mean with my kids, that is. Yet, I think it's pretty true in all areas of his life. I wonder how long he will bang his head against the wall thinking that things will change.

These are passing thoughts. I know the best thing I've done in all of this is not to interfere. After bd and I found this site... like a month after- I stepped out and away. I tried to maintain friendly r w him. After nuke- I stepped totally out of it. I figured he could figure things out on his own. Plus, then, lots of things made sense. Like the r with the kids- it was her control and he allowed it.

OK... I won't digress...

But, again, I have stepped out of it. It has been, by far, the best thing I've done. He needs to grown on his own. He still isn't getting that opportunity. He may never. But I love and respect him enough to not be the one hindering that from him.

And I respect myself enough to know that I wouldn't want to keep a man who doesn't want to be kept.

I know I don't want drama in my life.

New doors are slowly opening for me. That's the exciting part.

Although xh put me on this path. And as much as I didn't want it. As difficult it was for me to accept it, I realize now... I have to take it. And I am free on it. He is trapped and stuck. I can do whatever I want with the rest of my life.

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Mighty,
You may not have wanted to walk this path, but I can assure you, that when you get to the end of the path, you will discover that you are strong and independent and yes, the world is waiting w/open arms to help you heal, experience new things and yes, learn to love again.

Life has a way of turning bad things around and helps us to rise from the ashes.

Slowly, but surely, you will get to the end of the path. Don't rush the process. Experience the good and the bad and at the end of the day, you can say you survived one more day and then, one morning you will get up and the load will have been lifted and you will find joy in everything that you do. It all takes time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Atta girl, Mighty!!

It is a long road, indeed. I would go so far as to say that yes, some of the worst parts are behind you. Not that there won't be more tough things in your lifetime...there will be.

I believe that through this process, you will have grown enough to know you can navigate whatever comes your way. And THAT is why it will not likely ever be as tough for you again.

You got this, babycakes. wink

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Mighty you sound strong - no pun intended. Seriously I feel your conviction and I have to say that you wear it well. Good job.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Mighty Offline OP
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Ok, so I got another text. I really think the full moon does have an impact on xh's behavior. I could sense it coming... And I've gotten 3 texts and cc'd on emails- all in the last week. And it has been totally dark for a couple months.

And yet, up to this point, there has been, on average of about every 3 months- something that "happens" re him.

So, I was thinking... It's coming up on around the 3 month mark... Is something gonna happen. What next???

I realize texts aren't much, but I just get an uneasy feeling. What's next who knows.... Another baby? Engaged? Married? Whaterer... I'm sure I won't be told if it's any of those things. Not by him.

Just like there is another shoe to drop.... When did Siamese centipeds start wearing shoes? How many more shoes are left?

Anyway- I didn't open the text. I saw, "s18 was tardy to school. You need to make sure you let me..."

Ok. I knew s18 was late. I talked to him on my way to work & his ride bailed & he walked. So he was like 5 min late. I addressed it w him and at this point- the homestretch- I have to run a tight ship. He's aware if it. We are going to end strong! I have also been in contact w his teachers & things are good.

But first of all.... I don't NEED to do anything, xh. I do not tell him what to do. How to parent... Nothing. I've got this. Better than I have in a long time. And when I WAS struggling, and seeking his help, trying to coparent, trying to get him to participate in his children's lives, he had no time for it. And then he was told and abided by her rules as to how & when he can participate- and now you want me to do what you say? No. Not gonna happen.

It just gets me fired up when I think about how much I tried to encourage him to be a decent parent to our kids. That it had NOTHING to do w us and I just wanted to work things out amicably- especially w the kids. And as he would say, "I can't" and that was eventually....

Sometimes is would take days for him to respond- even when I would say things were bad w s18. And I hardly ever called or texted him. Only when necessary and ONLY about the kids.

Ugh. I'm ok and not that upset, but it's frustrating. He is totally controlled and acts like a Bee-otch to a 20-something- then gonna tell me what I need to do? Is he that crazy? He better recognize.

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Mighty, I hope you give yourself a whole lot of credit for getting your son and daughter through this school year successfully.

Don't take it for granted that things could have ended a whole lot differently.

You're quite a woman Mighty :-)


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Mighty,
It's not just the full moon, but we have a special holiday coming up...Mother's Day. He could be coming out of the woodwork because of the date.

He's still trying to have some control over the family, i.e., by addressing your son's tardiness. I know, he's not been there for his family for quite some time, but in his mind, he's still trying and doesn't understand that it's rubbing you the wrong way. The best thing you can do is ignore the texts unless an emergency should arise.

Mighty, I'm truly sorry he's still out there and acting out. I do hope that one day he will settle down and come to realize what he's lost.

Continue moving forward. I think you've been handling things very well.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2564479 05/05/15 01:40 PM
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Mighty you are heading in the right direction on your new path.

I often try to think of this mess as a test that I will pass, as a test of my strength, a test of my faith. I also see it as an eye opener to the things I needed to change about ME. I'm thankful that it allowed me to grow and change my interactions with my family and friends, especially my s14 and my mom. So in that way this is a gift.

Think about your changes, think about the better parent you are now, would that have happened without your XH MLC?


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Mighty Offline OP
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job, Shining, Gwen- thank you, thank you! You guys all rock and are amazing inspiration and support. I'm sorry I didn't holla back at cha prior to my other post. Thanks for recognizing my small successes.... aaahhh... a deep breath of fresh air.... it's amazing.

Heather- you make an eye-opening point! You are so right... thing could have been much different! Whew... thank goodness for how things are turning around. But I will never take small things for granted again!

job- yuck, yuck, yuck! You are right! Mother's Day.... dum dum duuuuuuuuuummmmmm. I have a feeling I won't hear from xh. I didn't last month for my bday, and that's ok! I'm totally cool with it. However... thinking about last Mother's Day- well that makes me want to ralph. So- I'm not going there.

And, job, you telling me you think I've been handling things well... wow... that means a lot to me to hear that from you. I have been trying really hard to do the right things while healing. Thank you.

2B- Great question! And a great idea for a thread. I'm gonna think on that and post it on the designated thread. You're doing great, btw.

OK, just a couple of things that have been bouncing around in my mind. Lots of room for things to bounce, I guess... crazy

First, poor d14. I think she is in a process right not. Digesting. She has made a few comments lately. More than ever. Usually she is pretty tight lipped. But you can see she is really thinking about things. And she's not happy about things. For her, she will say, like, a couple of sentences. Out of nowhere. Then drop it. I haven't said a word. I am being very careful. I listen. I STFU. I make sure I don't make any facial expressions at all. Just a listening face. Usually it's so quick, and I'm doing something, that I don't even have to look anyway.

I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure she has really been thinking about things since the last time she saw him- last month. When he was in a rush to get back to hww. Well... that's the way she saw it. And she hasn't seen him since, outside of him going to her games. Which they don't talk there. He just watches and leaves... usually early. I don't know this bc I don't see nor look for him. She says it.

OK, other thing. I can tell I have reached another level. Today at work I was cleaning out some things and I came across a pic of xh and my kids. It was my 30th bday and we were in Jamaica. Awww... it broke my heart. I love THAT guy! He had his arms around my kids... awwww man. It was tough seeing it. Then right after, a kid wanted to show me his book about paratroopers in the Army. Xh was a paratrooper. We lived on base together. We were married right before he went in. S18 was a baby. Looking through the pics, especially seeing the pic, awwwww man!

Then, right after that... a friend had mentioned something about her friend who works w hww and xh and is good friends w xh... blah blah... just made me all twisty inside... the connection there is really weird... an me to the family... whatever... a cluster..

However, it made me soooo sad. But, it's a little different. I don't fall apart. I didn't go spinning. Just a little... like... icky. Mostly sad.

And I have noticed I just close the door now to the pain. When things come up, things I've seen- places I've been- I don't want to go back. I close the door. I get a peek- and bam! Closed!

I wonder if that's what mlcers do. Are they able to close the door like that? I have never experienced anything like it before. I was always quite thoughtful to things I was aware of. I would think things through, analyze, well, you guys have seen me do it a billion times! But, I just don't want to go to those places anymore. I don't think It's in an unhealthy way. I have just spent enough time there. But, its an incredible thing to do! And really... is that what they do??

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