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Sounds good Edz. Relax and enjoy your meal with zero expectations. Hope you have a good time :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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edz Offline OP
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Afternoon guys checking in.

Well shortly after I posted was in the middle of exercises when w called shed been pinged by friend who said was she free tonight instead of monday for a birthday get together w said no she's off to dinner with me (at first I did think she was going to cancel but no) so she was meeting up with her at lunchtime up the road, told w no problem park here and walk up to escape the chaos of parking wed be out.

So finished exercises and did the usual fed s managed to get sheets on both beds changed and laundry on and we got out bang on time (this was a feel good moment with a 10 year old!) No issues at maths - posted on vs thread I had a coffee watching the sea and beach (from inside its blustery today) then briefly back dropped off some chocolates for w to pick up and give to friend and off we went. Picked up my watch and s had a burger at mcd, got two pairs of chinos and 4 new tops and apart from a small flare up in the game shop over leaving s has been helping.

Just arranging with wow friend on drop off and getting S's stuff together now. Had a brief sit down with w when she came to pick the car up but nothing bar chatting on s and times for this evening.

So thats today so far.

Looking forwards to tonight. No time constraints so up to w how long we talk, where we go on to or if she wants to eat and go home. There will be no pressure from yours truly (although I suppose honestly I'd rather not end up home alone at 8 as my preferred option).

Picking s up tomorrow morning no plans as yet, well either have the chill out day he says he wants and I'll make roast pork (reminds me to take it out of the freezer tonight when I get in) or if w wants a day with us all together well do that, I'll go with the flow.

Thanks all.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Well things a moving here.

Got ready yesterday afternoon, dress watch black chinos, black fitted short sleeve shirt, leather jacket and the usual grooming.

Dropped s off at Wow friend, nice chat there and a coffee. Was nice but I had to get across town to pick w up and get to the Dinner reservation in time so had to dash, its very nice to be opening up that friendship again.

Picked w up and dinner was fab, the food was great (Thai Tapas dishes) and we talked about daily stuff, royal babies, son, us back to being able to have fun with each other. Towards the end of dinner w said she was happy to come over to the house but would need to stop off at home first to feed wft and grab some bits then she'd be happy to come over and so I could have wine as well would crash in s's room.

So more chatting, a movie and wine and w took s's room for the night (and only s's room). We had a nice breakfast and I dropped her home and then Im back here before picking s up.

W has an invite to roast lunch later today but Ive said if she wants to take the day and crash out thats fine, I'll have s tonight so she can rest - up to her how to mix and match. I think she's seeing I have no interest in grabbing or holding onto her like the old me would.

I'm not sure we're at piecing ..yet. W has said she is convinced of the logic of us moving back together and thats where her feelings lead her too. She has concerns and things we'll need to work through, she still needs her independent space at the moment and MIL still looms but as we spoke this morning both she and I said she has to work that through at her own rate or she will bolt. Ive said there is no upside in me pushing or rushing her on anything and she can work through things at her own rate I will offer as much or as little support as she wants from me.

We've been talking about potential day schools and areas to move to types of houses. A lot is daydreaming right now and I recognise that, I also expect w to occasionally pull away as she needs space but things are going well.

I continue to temper my expectations, I feel we're nearing piecing, w seems to want us to be together, to be married and to live together (somewhere else) but not...yet. So maybe piecing lite version?

Its new territory on this odyssey of ours but I like the scenery so far.

Anyway need to get ready to pick s up so will catch you all later.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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Posts: 1,008
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All sounding amazing from my corner of the world, Edz. Patience, man, patience.


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Joined: Sep 2014
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Sounds fantastic Edz. Your an example to everyone. Keep on doing exactly what your doing , it's working.

Take care. Rd

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Glad you guys had a good evening Edz - and she stayed over! Carry on just as you are I say...

Have a good day, whatever you end up doing :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Thanks guys. Yup interesting times.

Picked s up and had a good natter and coffee with wow friend and her hubby he hasn't seen me for a while and was blown away by the physical changes, always good to hear. After that spoke to s about lunch and he mentioned having broccoli. Those of you with10 year old boys will recognise this is a major development so off to tescos we went and I topped up some supplies to avoid visiting on bank holiday Monday as well as getting fuel and a Frisbee at last!

S having a bath now while eating a sand which which is odd but the take away point is he's in the bath without an argument! W may come for lunch she's not sure just said there's no stress pop round if she fancies it she's welcome but do what she feels like and chill out if she wants no worries.

Back later thanks for all the support now and in getting here.

Last edited by edz; 05/03/15 12:48 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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That S of yours really loves water!

Edz,keep on the castle strategy. I am really really praying and giving you the best projection I can. Patience.

Thank you for your care and support.........

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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edz Offline OP
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Right back at you v, I like to think we all send each other positive vibes.

You are very much being thought about here smile

W chose not to come to lunch she messaged me to say she enjoyed yesterday but if s and I didnt mind shed stay at the flat. Then s ate something he normally avoids and I let her know after dinner. She messaged to say she was torn and while she wanted her space today she was really sad shed missed that. Validated and we fb chatted and s and I sent some fun pics of silliness going on.

W then texted me info that she's been doing research on day schools and one in particular. This would absolutely mean a move out of Dorset in fact. W is very goal oriented so if she's starting to investigate she must be at least fairly serious. This evening she's messaged a couple of messages that seem to say she's had enough of being on her own at least for today. We had a bit of a politics chat (which I'll keep out of here as nothing causes more opinions bar religion!) And she's off for a bath book and bed.

Me. I felt good today, peaked this early evening when I felt really positive and happy with s and late I'm feeling a little tired and maybe a little lonely now s is in bed but nothing huge no repeat of even a few months ago.

We've left tomorrow open and we'll see what we want to do in the morning.

Thanks to all my dB buddies. I do feel w is at the very begining of showing reconciliation actions but I'm wary of expectations, expecting some back steps and probably some more emotion but it does feel like a new chapter in this story. We shall see as I keep on keeping on.

smile


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Evening all

Another full rich day here and I'm looking for advice since I'm ready to say we're now in piecing but I'm willing to be corrected.

Usual start to the day here and pinged w to see if she still wanted to do anything and suggested an event going on. W agreed we can head out that way so picked her up mid morning and we headed out.

I'd quietly made a picnic which neither s or w knew about and stopped off on the way to get some soft drink cakes etc and we ended up sitting at a shale beach and just having fun eating it.

W and I spoke while s was picking up rocks. Shes told me her rings are now back in her bedroom, she cant put them on yet until she deals with her mum but she said she's wearing them inside, she's happy to put mine back on me to show she means all this and while she wouldn't want me to hold her to a time-frame she sees us back together and living somewhere else before Christmas, she has no desire to have a re-run of this Christmas and neither do I - we would like it as a family maybe just us with no "family" involvement.

Given we need to work on personal space, phasing back together, watching s's feelings and another new home - not to mention w and her mum - this seems realistic and I have nothing to gain by pushing or wanting things faster.

We discussed a little of how she's feeling and how she sees proceeding with her mum but we had a limited amount of time to talk with s in earshot. We had a good time and explored the small shops in the area, w held my hand as we walked, came close for hugs it was very nice indeed and more warm intimate space contact than we've had in years. She said she feels like she has her best friend back and believes we can we can make a new beginning.

Stopped off and w bought me a coffee and s a large ice cream, the pleasure at having a day as a family 'together' is hard to describe after the last 9 months and the previous 2 years of feeling apart from them even before BD.

We went on to a national trust site and had an explore before heading back.

We had to pop by to feed wft and then back to the house, had another small chat and ordered pizza. W and I spoke about whether she wanted to stay (purely as a discussion on whether I should drink anymore wine as Im very serious about limits when driving), I've said there's no pressure from me, she can stay and I'll take the sofa, I can take them back or we can discuss further.

I decided its likely this could start to feel pressuring (rightly I think) so assumed I was taking them back so limited myself to a glass of wine to ensure I could.

Sadly since I took my ring off in December the compression on my joints has relaxed and even losing a lot of weight it no longer moves over my knuckle when w tried to put it on (It had been on there since 2001 and given the trouble it took to get it off I wasn't that shocked - it had previously looked like my finger had a huge indent where it had expanded since my finger was sized in late 2000) w's told me to get it resized and she'll put it on again which I'll do.

We then watched an action movie and then yes I took them home. Obviously I'd have preferred them to stay, s wanted to stay but I agreed with w he has a lesson in the morning (I suspect it was more w just wanted her space which is understandable).

Got back in and W had tried to call me but my phone was in the house. Called back in case something was up and we had a chat about the day and WFT, she mentioned staying over and I said that was on her time-frame, she agreed and that pushing may mean she'd feel pressured and back up (the message was understood but I knew this already hence I'd said it was on her time-frame) - I have no intention of doing that as I know she's still in the early days of accepting 'we're getting back together' - her words. She's also terrified of this discussion with her mum, she's said she's been rehearsing it in her head to try to work out how to do it.

So that's been today.

Very tired now, its been a long, active day with lots of good developments a little tension over a potential staying over which I think has come about after her staying Saturday night and she's seeing that as a big step hanging in the air. I wont be suggesting anything and will just leave that as a decision for her to come toward me with for now.

Lots missed out here but apart from the minor tension and danger sign she flashed up not to think of pushing on staying its been very positive. W is committed to a reconciliation with a rough idea of how to get there or at least by when and is showing public affection which I've wanted for so long.

Still a long way to go, still tempering expectations still a lot of steps to take on this waltz, not to mention I'd imagine several potential land mines that could cause it to all fall apart (as with the staying over comment) there's trepidation on her side but we've talked a lot with her being very happy to hear my side of things and comments on what she holds herself responsible for although she felt I didn't argue or stop her in the end as I lost my backbone in our M (True - I became paralysed thinking she'd leave as a result of the depression).

She said she knows I've clearly tackled my issues and we can move on from here.

For now I accept the caution sign she flashed up - even if it wasn't me pushing or at least not verbally - and I cant help but feel we've moved into piecing. W thinks less than 7 months from now we'll be a family again and in a new home. That may be a very ambitious time-scale but I'll take the positivity from her as its the first time she's given me any suggestion of how she's thought it through and is committing to it.

Lets see where we go next.

Thanks all.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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