I would agree. It can be absolutely fascinating and even more so for somebody that learns to STFU and listen. A lesson that took me a long time
But I agree that's it is likely he is "trying" things. Some may stick for the new him (much later) and others may never even be remembered. Time will tell.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJ, to STFU and listen is the lesson I learnt since BD. For a person who could not miss a chance to make sarcastic comments in the past, this is a significant accomplishment.
Mighty, you are correct, he wanted to be “off the grid” and “working towards” that. Well, maybe he is actually getting there. IPad is probably to replace his laptop. But, on the other side, it will have him connected to the world 24/7, hehe.
My son called me to wish me Happy Mother’s day. He said that he was studying for one of his college finals tomorrow, and asked me if I would consider going for lunch or dinner next week instead of today. I said that I didn’t feel like going out today anyway, so it would be fine. After all, the biggest gift he can give me is working towards his degree and finishing school.
Happy to report some GAL activities for last week thought. Went to the free movie screening with my GF, and stopped by a nice bar for a drink on the way back. Yesterday, I went to a Walk for the animals event sponsored by local humane society. I did this with a group of people from work who actually have a team that does the fundraising for this organization every year. And then went to my sister’s for dinner to celebrate Mother’s Day.
So, no wonder I was not feeling like going anywhere today. And, for whatever reason I felt very down today. H didn’t wish me Happy Mother’s day, as it was expected. This is the 3rd Mother’s day that I didn’t get anything from him, even simple acknowledgement. For some reason it hurt worse today. I don’t know why. I should be used to this by now, right? I felt so sad, thinking how he just discarded me and my son out of his life. He probably wished Happy Mother’s day to that crazy woman from the vacation home. And I didn’t deserve a simple text. Must have been a sh!tty Mother in his opinion. Oh well… Moving on…
Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Last edited by BrightFuture; 05/11/1503:54 AM.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Feeling very negative and angry these days… Had a happy hour with people from work tonight. I seem to have a great time with all GAL activities. I feel different when I get home though. I don’t even know what I think or feel anymore.
For some reason I’m still here… For some reason I still hang on to something… I don’t even know what. This man who used to be my H is gone… It doesn’t look like he is coming back… I need to accept this. I just want to go 20 years back and start my life again… With somebody who is worth of having in my life. With somebody who would not play the family with me and my son, give me and my son a hope of a loving family, and then discard us when he is finished playing. I feel that I made a very bad decision marrying H and allowing him to raise my son. So, he could just discard him like a yesterday’s piece of trash. I’m mad. I want H to go to hell…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, You are still grieving and you are going to have days when you are so angry you could spit and then there will be days when you are content.
Why do you think you made a bad decision in marrying your h? He was a good man up until he hit his crisis. Would you feel the same way had he been hit by a train and was in the bed in a coma? I don't think so. The crisis isn't something he asked for and certainly didn't expect it to happen to him. Yes, he's made some bad decisions, but he's been one of the better crisis people on this forum.
Bright, you can't go back and relive your life and look for someone else. I know you are just putting your thoughts out there today. However, you can start thinking about what you want to do in the here and now and move forward. You have two choices here: 1) continue as you have been and hope that your h will wake up and return to you and your family or 2) you can end the marriage. From where I'm sitting, you are not ready to end the marriage.
So, for today, beat the stuffings out of pillows, pull some nasty weeks, find something that will help you relieve this stress and then, go out and enjoy your weekend w/some friends.
As we have stated before, you will know when you've had enough...but today isn't the day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Don't ever feel like you wasted time or made a bad decision. You had great times with your H, times in the past, but there were good ones.
Things are different now and you need to start really living for your life the way it is now.
Holiday's I notice are harder, just knowing that I mentally prepare in advance and have been able to get thru them much better.
Hang in there, keep moving forward. LOVE YOURSELF. Not too late to treat yourself to something for Mother's day, and enjoy when you do have dinner with your son.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Why do you think you made a bad decision in marrying your h? He was a good man up until he hit his crisis.
Job, when I met H and married him, then met his family, I saw some red flags right there. I ignored them at that time. Yes, he was a good man, but I think he was a slow ticking b0mb. I remember some of his actions and comments about his family.
Originally Posted By: job
Would you feel the same way had he been hit by a train and was in the bed in a coma?
The thing is that I feel that H made a very conscious decision about ending the M. And the way he presented it… He said that there was a phase of this life before me, then there was a phase of this life with me, and now he wants to have the phase of his life after me. It is like he didn’t want to play in this sandbox anymore, and moved on to a new one. This has nothing to do with the outside circumstances like getting hit by a train.
Yes, he made some bad decisions… And it hurt…
Happy, I am living my life. I’m doing things I haven’t done before, I’m going out, I’m meeting people, I’m working and making my living. Heck, I even do some house repairs. I’m self-contained and don’t depend on anybody. Well, maybe on this board, because I tend to slip back and need some support.
But, this is not how I envisioned my life. I think I still cannot fully switch the gears, thinking that somehow my dream will return. I don’t know what else I need to do to get myself out of this hole.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
And… I can almost check my calendar by H’s texts. Received the text from him yesterday about the money transfer, as always. Again, he is being polite, addressing me by name. Then he is tells me that he is working in a southern state for a few weeks, and then this: “so if I get some important mail please contact me for an address. I am expecting my truck registration soon. Thanks, and have fun week in “vacation home place”.
I was busy yesterday, plus had a couple of glasses wine later at night, so I waited until today to reply. Is it me, or this is an interesting choice of words? “If I get some important mail”, “I am expecting my truck registration”… My first inclination was to tell him that it is not my concern. Kind of interesting how he expects thins for him in MY house.
Another interesting part was that I almost mailed him his stuff to the other state yesterday. Then something stopped me and I decided to do it on Monday.
Have to go to the hairdresser to do my hair now. Will post the rest later.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, I see nothing wrong w/his choice of words about his mail. He's just telling you that he is expecting his truck registration. That's important mail to him. I know everything that came to my house was important to my xh, i.e., right down to junk mail. Mail is very important to them for some unknown reason. Me? Junk mail is filed in file 13 and out at the curb each week, to them, it's important. LOL!
Okay, here's something that's been bugging you for quite some time and we've had some chats about it and now it's come up again: "If I get some important mail”, “I am expecting my truck registration”… My first inclination was to tell him that it is not my concern. Kind of interesting how he expects thins for him in MY house." Bright, unless you set your boundary about the mail, he's not going to expect things to be any other way and he will continue to have the mail sent there. He doesn't think that you mind receiving it and then forwarding it on to him. Neither one of you are mind readers, so...you need to either let this mail thing go or tell him how you feel about it.
Bright, what makes you think that your marriage has ended? I don't see that at all, unless there are things you've not shared here. I see a man who is working away from home and on a quest to find himself. He's not filed for a divorce, nor has he told you to do so. His mail is still coming to your home and yes, there is also the vacation home. Had this man called it quits, trust me, you would have been divorced by now and things would have changed drastically...but they haven't.
Quite frankly, I haven't given up on your situation. I've seen a shift in what you've shared w/us, both w/him and yourself. He's being nicer and is now addressing you by your name. He senses that you are growing more independent by the day and are living your life to the fullest. He does sense the changes you are making whether he says anything or not.
Continue moving forward and I do hope that you have a great weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thank you for taking time to read and reply to my post. I cannot even imagine how much I appreciate it. Especially on the weekend. I know do don’t do much posting on the weekends.
I know that I sound like a broken record when it comes to H’s mail. And I still keep sending it to him. I don’t mind, really. Maybe I do need to tell him to be more appreciative. But, he already thanks me for that. I think the words he chooses bother me because they just remind how selfish he is now. If he would say something like this “If you get some important mail for me”, it would sound a lot better to me.
Thank you for pointing out to me the obvious facts, that he hasn’t done anything to completely end things. I need to remember that. You are right about me too, that I’m not ready to do it myself.
I’m actually having a better weekend . Had my hair done. Now going to my sister’s for dinner .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
