Everyone is entitled to happiness! But the catch is everyone is responsible for their happiness.
You should read or watch some more about Family/Friend Support. Your family has pre-conceived notions on the person you are, your actions, your life, your personality, your future, and current well being. That's b/c they are family or friends and have seen you through multiple experiences or years. They want you to be happy, but this happiness is really instantaneous happiness. They want you to be happy in the moment that they see you, and they will do or say anything to reach that goal. Furthermore, they want to be instantaneously happy, they don't want to be bogged down either. So it is also a self-serving goal.
Be careful looking for advice or validation from family. It will always be biased!
As for you H, I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing that you both engaged in hours of conversation. Similarly, it is unclear to me how wishy washy your H is being.
Hard question time.... Do you think this was the best thing for your long term relationship goals? Did you follow DB/DR? Or do you think that you succumbed to your instantaneous wants of being with him enough to indulge in hours of conversation?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
You are right! My family is not the best people to talk about this. I almost feel like a teenager trying to rebel. In the end I will make my own decisions regardless if family or friends like it.
As far as my husband. Not sure if he is being washy washy. I did validate his concerns about some of the issues that bothered him. So far, except the first contact he has been the one contacting me. Wanting to help me with my new motorcycle. Today I had to wait for the insurance agent to finish lunch so I could get a slip for my bike and he text me wanting to come over and wait with me since it was only a few minute drive from his new place. Yes I do want to be with him. I miss our daily interactions. I don't go out of my way to go see him. I've been busy. I do think we took it to far today. We went back to his place and made love. Not really sure how he felt about it after since we both had to hurry off to appointments.
Regardless, he is leaving in the fall. I want him to go and try to make it on his own. Estabablish himself and take care of his own finances. He needs to do this. I need to work on myself. I did tell him today that our marriage as it was is dead, but that our marriage in the future can be so much better. We will see. I do wonder sometimes if I'm not setting myself up for more heartbreak later. He did promise to keep his vows and that he would be there for me anytime I needed him.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
So H text again last night asking if he could come over to pick something up. Sure no problem. When he gets here he told me that we should lay off on the physical stuff. That it felt weird and wrong. As much as that hurt I agree with him.
I need to take a step back from him. I am grateful for the help he is giving me with getting my bike and the talks we have had have been helpful on giving me insight to myself and how he feels and sees our situation, I can not let him sidetrack me on my GAL and PMA.
He also has been getting sidetracked. He has missed two work appointments, because he has been with me. I felt a bit bad about that, but he is a big boy and should know his own schedule.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I need to take a step back from him. I am grateful for the help he is giving me with getting my bike and the talks we have had have been helpful on giving me insight to myself and how he feels and sees our situation, I can not let him sidetrack me on my GAL and PMA.
Yes this sounds like the right direction
Quote:
He also has been getting sidetracked. He has missed two work appointments, because he has been with me. I felt a bit bad about that, but he is a big boy and should know his own schedule.
Agreed he is an adult, let him fix his own choices.
Okay. I am starting to see the bigger picture. I don't think you have been doing as good as I originally thought. I think he is the definition of wishy washy. He is a cake eater. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Don't let him. You need to be the lighthouse (read the lighthouse story in Cadet's welcome post). You need to work on yourself continue to make yourself happy, and you can't give in to his needs and wants. He wants to talk about the relationship... You talk. He wants to have sex... You do. He wants to see you. You get together. Sometimes the worst thing you can do is pick up the phone. Instantaneously it feels great. I am sure sex felt like a great idea, but now he is confused and drawing the line of no more sex. He is in control of the ship. It is time for you to be the Captain. I would start to employee Sandi's Rules immediately. Build your life, and let him see that you are moving on (acting As If, even if you have to win an Oscar).
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Again today he text me. I have kept my replies short and to the point. He talked with his mother this morning and she seems to think that we will be together to where he is moving, my reply to that was: Maybe, but we both have a lot of work ahead of us on ourselves. It's nice that your mother thinks so. His reply: What do you think?
He then proceeded to text me that he has an appointment with his counsellor on Tuesday. He has not been to see the counsellor since December before our separation in April. Why is he telling me this?
As far as seeing each other. He is supposed to help me get my bike tomorrow morning and then I have to leave for a doctors appointment right away. There will be no R talk or anything else. For next week I am making myself scarce. I have an appointment with my counsellor Monday and for the rest of the week I will be taking classes, going to the gym and practicing riding on my new bike at every opportunity.
I wonder if the almost 4 weeks of NC shook him and made him realize just what all he gave up. Yes the bad parts of our marriage, but all the good parts too. Regardless, I don't want him to come back. If he does, then the whole vicious cycle starts again. My marriage as it was is dead. What the future holds I don't know. I have to focus on me!!! Getting my house ready to sell is a huge undertaking. Purging all the stuff will be therapeutic.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Did you make all the decisions and plans in the relationship?
He wants your opinion on everything. I think you should start making your opinion scarce. "I'm not sure about that I'll have to think about it." Is a good answer. He's confused and a hot mess. Some people want to hear someone's opinion to agree others want to hear it to disagree. I think depending on any given second he could be either.
Does this make sense?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
He wants your opinion on everything. I think you should start making your opinion scarce. "I'm not sure about that I'll have to think about it." Is a good answer.
Hello Diana,
My dear friend Mahhhty provided you with an excellent response.
Going forward, I also think you should make your opinion scarce.
Try to have a good evening.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
