Last night, W called to talk to S4. Usual stuff, "how was school", "I miss you", "See you Friday", etc.
I asked to speak with her after. Mustered up a positive tone, and I told her that I found some more of her clothes while I was cleaning and doing laundry, and that I would send them with S4 when he goes to the sitter's on Friday. Also mentioned her city tax form, which she never completed, and would send those as well.
Asked how her day at work was. "Fine." Told her to have a good night, and a good day tomorrow. Could tell that she was holding back a hard cry, and she said she had to go.
It was hard to not try to console her, but I understand that this is the journey she has to take, and that I have to let it be.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
No porn since BD, no cigarettes since Monday, S4 and I are working on a wooden model race car. Mostly me right now, since it is time for sanding, painting, etc. S4 did pick the color: Glittery red.
I have a coat or 2 more of primer, sanding it, spraying a few coats of color, and then 10 coats of lacquer or so. Don't want glitter shedding off all over the place! Then, polish and final assembly.
S4 told me he wants to take it over to W's apartment when it's done. I asked him why. His response was that he wanted to play with it there so he could think of me whenever he does. For 4 years old, kid sure has a depth to him. :-)
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Took my motorcycle to work this morning. The ride in was, well, brisk, but the ride home was perfect.
S4's goodnight call with W went well. She sounded a little better tonight. I mentioned that the bag of clothes I had for her was larger than I thought it would be since I had found more, and she said that it was fine. I wished her a good night, and let her go.
Opinion check: I don't get a lot of feedback on here. I realize I haven't given much myself, but haven't had much time to do so since I have been spending all my free time with S4 this week. Next week will bring more opportunity to reciprocate.
A few people drop by to engage me, but I still wonder if I am doing okay? I'm not doubting myself in my actions and interactions with W, but still unsure if I be doing more or less? Trying to be dim and work LRT. My emotions are generally stable these days, and I feel freer to work on myself since W left. I don't really worry about it much, but wonder if I am doing okay in DBing?
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Today was an angry day at work. I tried to figure out why, and I realized I had forgotten to put on my nicotine patch this morning. Caved and had a cigarette before realizing I had a spare patch in my desk... Oh well, mistakes happen.
W's goodnight call to son went fine. I had nothing to say, so they talked, she hung up.
GAL plans this weekend: It's supposed to be nice, so I'm going to be working outside in the front and back yards, cleaning up sticks and junk from over winter. Cut the grass, plan some seeding, and start to rework the flower-beds. I see a couple truckloads of mulch and soil in my future. Also plan on checking gutters, cleaning inside the house, and maybe the garage if I still have time. Plan to go out either tomorrow or Saturday evening with some friends.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
W picks up S4 today from daycare, and has him for the weekend through next Friday. Sent a bag of W's clothes with him, as communicated to W.
Had a cry about it when I got back home, and before I left for work.
As long as she has not changed plans without telling me (not out of the realm of possibility), I will see S4 in the mornings Mon-Thurs to get him on the school bus. Once school is out, he will likely be going to a new daycare near W's apartment. Her apartment is about 40 minutes away from me, in another city, close to her father and sister. Wanted to call her this morning to confirm this, and whether she was able to get another daycare for after the school year, but that can wait until my goodnight call this evening, right?
I have most of my plans laid out already, centering around housework (inside and outside) during the days, and time with friends during the evenings. Maybe a couple of motorcycle rides sprinkled in, as the weather is supposed to be nice.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Got out of work early. Spoke to W when she picked up S4. Mentioned that I would be cleaning up the house over the next few weeks, and that I would give her the opportunity to go through her things.
Cleaning out the garage now.
I miss S4 already.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Thanks, u. I'm trying. GAL plans for tonight fell through, and I just don't feel like going stag tonight.
I'm going to grant myself 1 evening to reflect, and then, back at it tomorrow!
Got the garage "mostly" cleaned out. Found that there was a used motor oil container in the back that spilled... Going to have to clean that up. Oh, joy.
Have some weekend work to do in the morning, then house cleaning. May start gutting out the storage areas to get the rest of W's chit packed into boxes. That will be hard, but I need to do it.
She can't just store the remnants of "us" here. We both need to face the harsh reality of what things are like now. I would rather do it now, and get it out of the way, than wait until later, and have it bring me back to a bad place.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Goodnight call to S4 went well. He is excited to have his new room at W's place. He and W were building Legos, and he was having fun. He tried to "show" show me his room by taking the phone in there and talking about it... So cute! W offered to take a couple pictures of his room and send them to me. I accepted.
Room looks nice. Good size, clean (new apartment, so, to be expected). I waited until this morning to reply.
My reply:
Looks like a nice-sized room! Thanks for the pics. How was his first night?
No reply yet. We'll see if she does. Otherwise, I will ask at tonight's goodnight call.
Work to do this morning, then cleaning, and work in the back yard. This evening, will be hanging out with a friend or 2.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Never got a reply to the text.. I didn't bring it up.
Last night's goodnight call was brief. He was playing and watching a show, and didn't want to talk much, which is fine.
I did talk with W briefly, just asking how his first night was, telling her about him "making sure I was still there" throughout the night before she moved, and mentioned that he has been sleeping a pretty consistent 9 hours at night, so she can factor that in when she puts him to bed on school nights. I then told her to have a good night.
This conversation wasn't particularly exciting, and it was only about S4, but it was the longest we have spoken in the past few weeks, so I see that as a plus.
GAL last night was to go out with a couple friends for beers. Enjoyed myself thoroughly. Stopped over at the bar by FIL's house to buy him a birthday beer first. Today is his birthday, and tomorrow is his wife's.
Today, I have more work, more housework, and will finally begin to tackle the back yard. Was not as motivated yesterday as I would have liked.
Also started putting lacquer on S4's model race car. Goal is to have it ready to take to W's tomorrow.
Last edited by JAS84; 05/03/1502:49 PM.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
