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Z
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Positive Vibes will be sent!
Who knew patience was soo very exhausting.


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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Oh but isn't it?

This red wine is helping tremendously tonight though wink


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline OP
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An interesting evening.

W was on fb messenger with me on and off most of the evening I was trying not to interupt her time to herself but she'd ping me again after I didnt respond for a while. Pics of wft and bft chatting just light stuff. W has also booked for the three of us to see the new avengers movie next week. Interesting times and not something I'd have imagined possible even last month. Still a long road ahead.

Well time for bed as Florence said, up early tomorrow to get s ready and off to his tutor for maths its been a very interesting week I wonder what this next one will bring.

Cheers all.

Last edited by edz; 04/24/15 10:36 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Posts: 5,301
Sounding good Edz. Your sitch seems to have settled into a more steady upward direction. Your W sounds more 'in' with less of the 'pendulum swing' that you had before.

She seems to be more actively planning things, which may reflect her growing optimism about you guys possibly reconciling. Slow and steady though. I think the attitude to try and maintain is 'grateful' for what you presently have.....and not always want more. And I think you're doing well at this. You only have to browse around the site to see that you have much to be grateful for right now, and I'm pleased for you. Baby steps back towards a possible new R and M....

Have a good weekend! x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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^^^ Nice post, Toots.


H 37 Me 36
Together 15 years
Married 5 years
No kids
BD Apr 2014
H moved out 2 Jun 2014
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edz Offline OP
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Thanks guys

Yup toots you've been peeking at my intentions obviously. Whilst I obviously want and hope for full reconciliation I've come a very long way from the lost lamb of post one. I'm grateful for having s,him staying, him building our relationship together again. I have a nice home and the bft.

Then, amazingly, in the past few weeks w has by her own admission made the amazing turn from us together being a laughable proposition that she could never entertain to a possible and maybe desirable option. Indeed on Monday when we were discussing her concern on telling her mum she said she is leaning to reconciliation just not there yet. These are all developments that I'm grateful for and can be content with for now and keep on keeping on!

They also stand alongside all the changes in me physical, emotional and mental that leave me as a better me.

Sometimes I get lonely for her to be here, it would be odd if I didnt but I have a busy life now w commented she didnt want a return to me hanging around her all the time suffocating her and thats something that's hard to imagine happening or me wanting anymore, she also said that our breakdown in talking she can't imagine being possible again as she's unloaded everything she ever thought she couldn't say and we've calmly talked through it, she doesn't see it would be possible for her to have something she couldn't raise in the future.

Of course... Were not there yet positive as all this is.

So one day at a time, keep doing what works for (not me but) us as a family unit and patience, all is patience

Cheers all


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
V
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V
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Posts: 8,855
Edz

Castle and picnic!

Loving the sitch changes.

Edz the most important thing for me about Edz, is his R with his son. The GAL with his S. The fantastic dad stuff.

I can see Edz with a daughter too, real or fostered matters not.

Tons to a key member of the Kindergarten Crew

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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edz Offline OP
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Hi V

well if the last 9 months has taught me anything its never to say never. Who knows what the next 9 will bring and the next 9 after that?

We shall, as they say, see.

Thanks smile


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
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All good edz, All good smile


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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edz Offline OP
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Good morning all

And (at least for this morning) the Sun is back down here, hoorah.

Well it was as predicted a busy weekend. Cliff notes version, Saturday was pretty much taking s to the tutor which went well and then a chill out day with s, nice dinner relaxing and playing with s.

Yesterday picked w up and we went to the local garden and homewares/hobbies place (think a very upscale homebase in the middle of the countryside and you're there) she helped me pick out some plants for the house for the bathroom and kitchen.

W mentioned going somewhere for the three of us to grab a drink and maybe some lunch so we went on for a drive. Went to a local town lots of light chatting and interaction. W spotted a house and said that was one she really liked, joked that the occupants probably wanted to keep it she said I'd ask them to give it to us if I loved her, lots of light fun.

S has a habit at the moment of seeking the familiar and tantrum if he doesn't do it/go there/get it and while we'd found a rather nice pub/restaurant he was insisting on Costa. Went over to him and calmly talked it through, he moved on to suggesting another pub but we all then talked it through and went back to the original place and had a very nice roast dinner with a small wine for me and a larger glass for w, lemonade and burger for s.

Afterwards we went back to the house so s could pick up various bits. As is becoming a very nice occurrence w stayed for a coffee and we had a chat while s played on a new game w got him and he brought here Friday.

Some more discussions on "what ifs" w is certainly thinking about plans, even discussing living arrangements. She still needs her space and seemed worried about losing that. I validated and we discussed that us reconciling and her space are not divergent, we have the opportunity to shape any future together and the dynamic between s and i and s and her, between us and his schooling and my work is all up for review. We even discussed she'd like to go back to work and I could work from home assisting s as I have done here. All options.

W touched upon housing and while going back to the flat together is not an option either of us want - w is "happy" at the flat as its her space but would rather be somewhere else - we did agree that my place is a little small for 2 cats, 2 adults and a 10 year old. We'd see both the flat and house as waypoints and pick somewhere to move together not that difficult as I rent anyway and although its not happening tomorrow its the kind of thing that can now be done reasonably easily - and no Im not driving expectations of anytime soon.

We touched on our relation a little more, what had happened in the m and w raised some very good points in stress issues we'd had, I validated and agreed in most points. We agreed we'd been responsible jointly. W is very upset and afraid on dealing with her mum still and I understand that. She says right now she's resigned to just leading two lives one where she "sneaks about" with me (my words) and one she faces her mum. I said it doesn't seem a good long term plan for her emotionally to do that but its her decision on dealing with her mum, I will be here if she needs me to help her with it. She is seeing, after a long time, that her relation with her mum needs to change but its a difficult thing for her to do especially as is.

I'd posted on fb on saturday i was chilling out in the bath with a book and w admitted it had given her jitters as I'd often used that as an excuse to lock myself away from s for hours on a sunday (there is no dispute here - I did). Said I was sorry if she'd felt like that and could appreciate why it would make her feel that way, in fact I had had the door open with music on and after 45 minutes got out s had had a bath while i was in the office over from the bathroom and we'd been talking and I'd read to him before we chilled out downstairs. Very different intents but the echo was still there for her. We discussed that even looking forward not back some memories are bound to stir up and talking about them together is the way to move on.

We expanded on how she'd felt before BD, much as I had thought - she'd lost any respect for me as a H and father before she had left, she said even hearing my voice was like fingers on a blackboard as I'd surrendered so much control and become so internalised and without drive she'd given up on me changing - I'd become like fil leaving her in control without any pushback, that's clearly not the case now.

She ran through some legal changes she'd made that she though were for the best (Wills etc esp relating to s) back last year and told me those are not things she believes are true, required or desirable any more and will be working with me to change them back as soon as we can.

It was a good, long and frank talk. Again much more than I have put here (and some I wouldnt list here) W is still slightly adrift between seeing a future together and touching repeatedly on wanting that and planning for it but also being afraid of giving up her space and the coming storm with her mum.

Took them back to the flat and was invited in. Nice family evening read to s in the bath, I helped out with the WFT litter again to save w from having to hurt her back again while she put s to bed and read to him.

W offered me some supper so we put together a mini buffet and I made some salad, we watched TV and talked some more until I left about 11 and we had a hug before I got in the car.

W started to talk late on about houses again, saying she'd love to be somewhere detached and knows the kind of thing. She stopped though and said she doesn't see how to get from here to there with the road block though. I asked her to expand a little on what she perceived as the road block but she clearly showed signs of being tired and feeling a little strained on it so we parked it.

Left me a little disquieted but I've said to w that when she wants to talk further on it we can at her rate.

Got back and made a purposefull effort NOT to then text or message her, got in bed and checked the tablet and there was w saying no messages I was slipping. We had a very brief exchange and left it there.

So this week just a catching up today, tomorrow will be s and swimming, wed been invited to go to the cinema with s and w and maybe a bite after. We're trying to find a night this week that Wow friend can have s so w & I can go out to dinner together which is a bit of a scheduling challenge but I'll pull it off.

Trying to give w the space and time she needs. She's clearly planning and her actions, thoughts and words point toward her wanting to go in the direction of reconciliation but she has reservations and so she needs to work through those with whatever help I can provide including just giving her space and time. We did agree that our little planned trip in June (which is also the week of our anniversary) will be a point we start to put a flag in the sand on directions and maybe more but other than that no time limits or pressure from my side.

Went to bed last night a little muddled, mostly very happy on the day we'd had together and all the positives, a little purturbed by "road block" and what w means (probably mr fixit trying his bonds in my tired mind) generally though seems to be heading in a good direction still and I'm very grateful for that indeed.

Expectations are still under control but there's a fair amount of hope for us I believe and I believe w thinks that too for the first time in a very very long time even before BD.

Thanks All


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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