Btw, I could really use a tip or two for dealing with disrespectful tween girl who doesn't take me seriously when I ban potty humor from the dinner table.
Maybell I have no doubt that you are handling this correctly for your family. Your D is a unique snowflake and you understand her best. One route is to realize this is a phase and ignore her, but I suspect the two little brothers get stirred up into it also once it's started. If she's the type, you could take her aside and make her feel grown-up and say you are trying to get the dinner table conversation to be more polite and could she help you out as an example to the rowdy brothers. But that's a fine line, you don't want to put them at odds. You could reward her with a favorite after-dinner activity if she makes it all the way through dinner without a potty mouth. Or you could simply banish her from the table with the second potty word that comes out (first is a warning) with the understanding that the kitchen is closed after dinner. I've taken this route for various things, and it works, but your D is stong willed and it would likely be a lengthy battle and I"m not sure you need that right now. As I said, I'm sure you are doing just fine, just step back and realize potty humor is generally a phase and she won't think it's so interesting down the road. Hang in there, darlin', you are doing great.
Thanks, Sunny. I hope it IS a phase. It is beyond gross. But what I really hate is how she refuses to take my disgust seriously.
Gan, it wasn't a rabbit hole. It just felt so familiar it hurt. Still hurts.
I was supposed to get a raise, too, that was negotiated when I was hired and is recorded in my offer letter. But she didn't bring it up and after being reprimanded for too much personal time I didn't feel like I should bring it up. To top it all off I am now eligible and need to enroll in the form health insurance, but she didn't bring that up either and now I have to wait till things settle down a bit to ask... But I have an appointment with my lawyer on Monday so I have to get that personal leave approved first and then hopefully go a couple of weeks not missing even a minute of work so she'll be better disposed to me.
All this for a woman who rarely comes in before 9:30 so she can hit the gym, is way from the office during the week a lot for various board meetings, etc. and vacations 1-2 weeks every month since I've been here.
I'm at my limit.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Hey MB- Was there anything in the offer letter that was conditional? (i.e.- receiving a raise after successful completion of a probationary period) And is there an HR person around?
No HR person around. It's just the three of us, no oversight. I will get the health insurance. Offer letter was not conditional but I have to work here and my boss is defensive and passive aggressive. I've just got to power through till my life settles down and I can re-evaluate.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Except the personal time my review was glowing but I feel demoralized. It's not like I want to be always stepping out. But I don't feel free to spend my lunch break as I wish either.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Well - Take heart. If there's just three of you, she actually doesn't do things like process pre-negotiated raises and healthcare enrollment very often - so she's probably not even thinking about it.
If you feel like you have to wait for the right moment, do so - but I wouldn't let it go too long, it is after all, literally just business.
It's tough to get a negative on your review. Years ago I worked at a hospital for a woman who sounds much like your boss and in my first review she actually told me I needed to eat my lunch in the cafeteria and socialize more. Good gravy, did I get steamed about that one. And to this day I can't remember all the other glowing things on that review - just that one unprofessional dig.
Maybell, this is the part that concerns me the most. Insurance plans have enrollment windows and if you miss them, you have to wait until the next one. Please make sure your boss doesn't make you miss it.
Tonight S9 said he was glad his dad left because there were less dishes to clean since he was gone. I was floored and said, "Really?" And he said, "Well, just for that." But he said it so very cheerfully... And something about it all got into my head that he gets a lot of this and that in some way he actually is kind of glad, because the three kids and I are so much closer without their dad around. I'm a lot more open with them, and they're quick to tell me stuff about their lives. D12 was making dinner for us when I got home from work AND had the kitchen cleaned up. We sat outside to eat and it was simple. We cleaned up together and it was still early. We watched a couple of short shows, played Connect Four, did laundry, played chess, and read Fellowship of the Ring on the couch, all before bedtime.
I was feeling hurt and sad because the nice thing he did for me yesterday reminded me of the good quality of our marriage. But then I had this awesome evening, made possible by his absence. LOTS of great things on tap for this weekend, and the hope for exactly the kind of home I've always wanted by the end of the summer.
It's like what PigPen said on Lisa's thread. In the negative column, I lost a guy. But oh, my, the positive side is huge. I would not have guessed it could be like this two years ago. I suppose I'm a slow learner.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, this is a great post. I especially love hearing about the growth in your R with your kids. Beautiful. Someday we may look back and realize that our H's did us the biggest favor by leaving...
