OK wrong emphasis. But damned annoying. Some of the thing I do, I find myself thinking I wish I could be doing this with WW and it's then hard to banish those thoughts. Even worse are the ones where you're wondering what they're up to with you.
Still a financial boundary though.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
OD, he makes 9x what I make, and I've only been working a few months. If he's spending money it's joint, period. There really is no other kind of money to spend. There is no financial boundary for me to enforce (yet) and no way to enforce it even if I could make one up. He's gonna do what he's gonna do.
I'm kind of over the desire to spend time with him so him going off to spend a weekend with a floozy doesn't bother me because we could be doing it together. The number of ways in which he has acted with callous disregard for my interests has pretty much killed my desire for the marriage. See the first post of this thread.
Last edited by Maybell; 04/29/1503:44 PM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
While my D is already final, I understand EXACTLY what you mean about him trying to call any love you ever had for him. I loved the man my XH used to be, but the one he has become is a virtual stranger to me and I don't like him at all. It almost makes the D worth it all because I am away from him.
Hang in there...it DOES get better. I advocate marriage all the way, but sometimes people change and time away is the best thing.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Horrible evening with D12. At one point I even thought she'd left the house but had only gone up to bed. I personally am in a demanding situation at the moment and it's a strain trying to bring home happy family mom under these circumstances. She caught me off guard. She's been really pleasant lately. I don't have a good set of strategies for dealing with entitled behavior. And honestly I couldn't even remember what prompted it all until S9 asked S7.
STBX is out of town on another little pleasure jaunt. I have been sweeping through the house getting it ready to sell. On one hand the bits I've finished look great. It makes me sad we never lived with it looking so well-cared-for because of BD and the aftermath. But then too it looks really impersonal. That is totally part of what D12 finds so upsetting. After she finished her meltdown and I was working on the house I was so tired and wanted to stop, but I have to keep going because time is winding down. And I thought, how much of this rough day would have been avoided if STBX had better life skills?
If wishes were pennies....
Two last things:
1) I found the family scrapbook that I made at the end of BD year. It was beautifully made and pretty much heartbreaking. But looking through it didn't make me cry.
2) I had thought I would clean out the wedding stuff I keep in a chest in my bedroom. But when I looked at it... I couldn't. This marriage may not have been very good, and it certainly ended badly, but it was the defining characteristic of my life for seventeen years. I made plenty of mistakes, but there is a lot about myself that was developed during those years. A lot of growth and good choices. A lot about myself that I like that came to the surface during those years.
Today I told my coworker what I loved about STBX.
He was hard to reach, but when I managed it, he had this inner quality that was just utterly soft and lovable. It made me want to coax it out more often.
He had a smile that was warm and beautiful and utterly sexy. I have not seen it in a very long time. He doesn't look like he can produce it anymore, which makes me sad.
I didn't mention this to my coworker but he was a very good kisser.
D12 keeps telling me to smile, and I feel badly about that. There is SO MUCH work to be done, and so much uncertainty in our life. I try to relax when I get home, spend time connecting with the kids, but they just mob me and talk over one another till everyone ends up yelling, including me. They all want a piece of me at the same time. I want each of them to have some attention from me and I'm so tired and I'm tired of having to nag for what I need.
Speaking of tired... I'm of to bed. Night!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Glad to hear this MB. Your years of M were special, I'd hate to see you consider your life for 17 years as a "dark chapter" because you were tied to a "terrible H" due to the pain he's caused and the horrible path he's turned down. I know he has hurt you deeply, and has wounded you for years and years. I think that's true of all M's to some degree. It's not about protecting him from judgment, it's about protecting you. You've lost a future with him, no need to lose the past, and no need to live with resentment in your heart. Doesn't mean you can't learn from it what you want in the future, but this was the most content you've sounded in a while and I'm glad you found some peace tonight. Sweet dreams!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
We have been asked by Cadet to start a new thread for your "5K training" thread. Since this thread was your idea (along with Claire7), you should have the honors.
Still a bit cold where I am. Waiting for 60s-70s weather to really start running again.
On another note:
Quote:
He had a smile that was warm and beautiful and utterly sexy. I have not seen it in a very long time. He doesn't look like he can produce it anymore, which makes me sad.
My W used to say something similar about my smile. I have to remember to smile more. I have become so sullen. Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror, NOT smiling - not attractive at all.
Quote:
D12 keeps telling me to smile, and I feel badly about that. There is SO MUCH work to be done, and so much uncertainty in our life. I try to relax when I get home, spend time connecting with the kids, but they just mob me and talk over one another till everyone ends up yelling, including me. They all want a piece of me at the same time. I want each of them to have some attention from me and I'm so tired and I'm tired of having to nag for what I need.
I just want to offer some words of encouragement. I am sorry you are having a rough time. As I have seen many times before on the board, you are a rock for your children. You have a lot to be proud of.
As for me, I want to remembered as someone who was always smiling, regardless of the challenges I faced. I have heard more than once that our behavior can dictate our emotions. Also, I do not give my WAW the satisfaction! I am going to make a conscious effort to smile more. Aside from cheering me up, it'll makes people wonder what I am up to It is one of the few things in my life over which I actually have control right now.
I thought I'd quit smiling, but my coworker just told me that I smile all the time, and that I'm warm and energetic. So maybe I'm just being down on myself.
I'm just tired. Between now and July 4th I have exactly two weekends without the kids, and in that time I also have to prep the house for sale, keep it showable, and be ready to move -- all while negotiating a divorce, looking for a new place to live, and working a full time job.
I also realized today that I never grieved the end of my time as a SAHM. So that mess is lurking around in there too.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
No great advice for you. Just hugs. You definitely have a full plate. Take each day as it comes. Hopefully we can look back from the other side when the worst is over.
I thought I'd quit smiling, but my coworker just told me that I smile all the time, and that I'm warm and energetic. So maybe I'm just being down on myself.
I'm just tired. Between now and July 4th I have exactly two weekends without the kids, and in that time I also have to prep the house for sale, keep it showable, and be ready to move -- all while negotiating a divorce, looking for a new place to live, and working a full time job.
I also realized today that I never grieved the end of my time as a SAHM. So that mess is lurking around in there too.
Everyone keeps telling me that once I get to the other side of this I will be better than ever. I keep thinking of that as I have to power through decisions I never wanted to make and situations I never wanted to encounter. Deep breaths and one day at a time. You are doing fantastic! I need some of your strength to rub off on me.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
It is one of the few things in my life over which I actually have control right now.