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V, Z, MCS, Mozza and Pink- you guys are so awesome, such a great feeling to know people actually read the stuff that I write, even if it is just a jumbling garbled mess.

V- She is here with me right now. We drove 4 days from TN and just got to TX last night. About to go get some breakfast.

Quite honestly I'm not sure what to expect, if anything. It was a good drive, slightly boring scenery, but we got to talk alot. about everything. She broke down as soon as she stepped foot in the house last night. Bottom line, she says she's not sure what she's going to do, that she's here to figure out if this is where she is supposed to be, if we are supposed to be together.

I believe her. I truly don't think she knows what to do but she is here, and I am in a better spot to "be me". Hopefilly it works out.

Trying to keep in mind all the advice you guys give me. Like Pink said, don't follow her around like a lost puppy. like Z says, show her what its like to be with me again, to let her "teeth" which I am trying hard to keep in mind. And of course the Mozza and V more tough love approach of setting boundaries and steer clear of OM or "POM." V I am not sure if she wants there to be a POM, Im still not sure what there relationship, if any is but I feel right now, with everything being so overwhelming for both of us, that Im going to let the dust settle and see how things go for a few days/week.

MCS- of course Broken Together came on the radio while we were driving last night, just like it did for you. Never ceases to amaze me the timing of it all.

I will write more later, but thank you all so much for being there for me. This ride just started. Thanks again.


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 755
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Good luck, TLEE. Protect your heart and it sounds like you are in good attitude so far.


Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.



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TLee

Waiting for your update, glad you took the journey?

I need to google broken together.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 04/25/15 11:53 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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V- You should. Its a great song. Thanks for checking in. Im not entirely sure I made the right choice yet.

Z- I am trying. Very hard. But its pretty rough.
-----

So quick update. Idk how its going. I don't think very well. I think W came here for a D. She's already called a D lawyer since she's been here (didnt tell me she did, I snooped- I know I shouldn't have).

Its been very weird. We've been around each other for 1 week, in this house for 5days now. On the positive, she loves the house, loves the base, and everything around here. Said she wishes she came here when I was gone and got everything settled.

On the negative, she consistently talks to OM every chance she gets. She has mentioned several times she wants to leave and doesnt want to be here. When she "calms down" and gets in a better mood, she tells me sometimes she wants to leave and sometimes she doesnt. That its all pretty overwhelming and she's still getting used to being here.

She gets sad and says that things just aren't the way they used to be, that she remembers what it was like before when things were good, and she just cant get there.

But yet somehow we still go out and go shopping to decorate the house, and go alot of places together and have fun and she wants to meet people from my work.

I feel like I'm doing everything wrong- seriously, i do. Ive told her that she's beautiful or she looks great, I am very...possesive? meaning i don't like it when she's doing things herself because i know she's just talking to OM when she's out, and.....ive even told her I love her (when she's crying) and she just says she knows i do.

Idk how to stop this. I know this isn't the right thing to do. Ive told her and asked her not to talk to OM while she's here but i cant really stop this....and I've just told her lets take things one day at a time. She just replies, she is trying to do that.

Ive even called her out on it and said i feel like she came here half-cocked to just say she tried but she really isn't, and when she's here, to just be here. And she just replies, well i don't want to be here. Then she calms down a little later and says sometimes she wants to leave, sometimes she doesnt.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Oh btw, she somehow found this site, i doubt she reads it daily but I'm going to be changing names sometime soon. Any advice? I really truly believe I'm failing.


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 545
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TLEE,

You're not failing at all. She doesn't know what she wants and she's showing it. Just be TLEE. Remember, WE can't win them back, but improve ourselves regardless of how our sitch turns out.

This must be so tough, I'm not sure how I would handle it. Stay strong, be the new TLEE, not for her....but for you.

Hang in there I've been thinking about you. Remember, there's a plan in all of this, even though sometimes it's not how 'we' think it should be going at any one time. Take a step at a time and leave the rest up to your faith to get you to the destination.


M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
MCS #2561314 04/27/15 02:58 AM
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Wise words from MCS. Back to the basics, TLEE86.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Mozza #2561612 04/27/15 10:26 PM
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And I agree Tlee, MCS is right.

Let WW be WW and concentrate on Tlee

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi Tlee,

So how you will let WW be herself and you will be yourself?

Maybe first, stop the whole pursuing thing. You know you are just putting pressure on her. This won't help her to see the real T and what are his changes and how much grown up he has been doing.

I know you are young, but less talking and more action will go a long way for you. Let her see your routine, like if you go walk the dogs, get ready, get the dogs ready, just say you are going for a walk and informally ask if she wants to join you. Like: Hey *** I am going for a walk, care to join us? - If she says yes, then you go outside the house, playing with your dogs and wait for her, during the walk talk informal stuff, maybe some work stuff if she likes to hear. No R talk. If she start R talk just listen and learn what is inside her.

If she says no, I do not want to walk. Then you go by yourself, enjoy the time, comeback feeling good, with a smile on your face. Do not overdue, just be simple happy.

Be a little more secret, don't be available for her all the time. She is now observing you too, she is thinking and asking herself how much she loves you, what she wants today and what she wants tomorrow.

Be gentle, interesting, private. When you talk to her, control your temper, don't say too much, look in her eyes, give her attention.

Many times, get out of her way. Like one evening, go to your room, read a book, chose a good one that will send her a message that you are really changing and wants to be a better man. If she sees it and asks, comment about the book.

Do you know her Love Language? If you do, use that (not so obvious) in your benefit.

And most important, don't rush the process. She seems not ready for all this change, so be patient, things may get worse before they get better. Be calm.

I agree that Broking Together is a good song. Is your wife also a faithful person as you are? What about going to church together? Listen to these songs together?

I love "I'M NOT ALONE". Last time I saw my H, he said this song was playing on the Shuttle radio that he took from the airport, he said he tough about me and wrote a message, then he deleted the msg thinking that I would not care for his silly words. Then I sang the whole song in front of him and he just sat there looking at me. At the end he said I am a very beautiful woman and the song goes well for him too.

Praying for you honey.

(((((((Tlee)))))))
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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She's leaving tomorrow. I don't know if its really over. But it feels like BD all over again. And I have to watch her drive off again tomorrow. I cant do it again. I just don't have it in me.

i don't want to wake up anymore

Last edited by TLEE86; 05/02/15 09:55 AM.

ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
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Posts: 545
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Tim,

Ugh, is the only thing I can think of. This must be so tough, but look up; He has a plan for you in all of this. Remember, we're never going to see where our journey takes us until we're there. The toughest thing is just being shown what our next step is. Even if it feels that step is in the opposite direction, it's still part of His plan for you.

Tim, this feeling will pass and quicker than before. You have grown so much over this and as tough and as disappointed as you are right now, you're going to be okay.

I'll be praying for you. Take care and a deep breath.

Last edited by MCS; 05/02/15 02:27 PM.

M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)
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