Thank you guys. I appreciate it. I will look into getting the book. Is there a way to buy it as an ego ok or through iTunes.
Another note about our situation is that she hasn't worked in five years. She wrote a check to her mother in a very large sum of money out of our joint account before leaving and cashed it a week later. I had agreed to provide financial support as long as the original agreement was kept. She talked about moving into an apartment but I was told by my daughter that she plans to continue to live with her parents and that they are fixing up a bonus room for her. She admitted that her mother is toxic for our relationship but seems to be choosing her financial support over our marriage. That way, she will see them every single day of the summer.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
RealMe, I am doing okay with the booze but I know I need to quit completely. What is the last resort technique?
Thanks Matt777. I really want this to work. She has consistently said that the only way she won't come back is if I don't change. I hope she makes the changes she needs to also.
Well, after asking her today if she still has hope for our marriage, she said, "Not in the same way that you do." She just said that she isn't considering reconciliation or divorce right now and that she is focusing on getting herself better, getting our children better, and that I need to get better.
Well, after asking her today if she still has hope for our marriage, she said, "Not in the same way that you do." She just said that she isn't considering reconciliation or divorce right now and that she is focusing on getting herself better, getting our children better, and that I need to get better.
I actually think she gave you good advice. Detach at least for now.
ESOED- I know it's hard. The bottom of your world feels like it's falling from under you.
Somebody once told me that smart people learn from their mistakes. Wise people learn from others' mistakes.
Detaching, stopping the contact (at least the initiation of it), and the other components of the LRT (see Sandi's rules in the post Cadet responded to your first post with) seem very counter-intuitive right now. Know that so many other people have been in your very spot- and those ideas are the result of the emotional 'blood' they spilled by doing what doesn't work.
We have a gift in this board to be armed with that wisdom w/o having to guess the route on our own. I sincerely invite you to review those and take every one seriously. I applied some- but not all, or I wasn't consistent, and I now feel like I wasted so much precious time and energy.
Get the book. Make it a priority. Go to a bookstore or a library. You will feel better after reading it, I promise you.
Well, I guess I made another mistake. Tried to cut off initiation of contact but she wanted to talk to the kids over the weekend. Noticed she was at her parent's lake house, which she told me the day before she wasn't going to go to with her friend. Asked her if she was there and she said yes. Her friend left the next day to come home and she told me she was staying an extra day and would be alone.
We had a very lengthy conversation via text that was positive. It ended with her saying that she missed me, that she knew we needed to spend time together, and she told me that she loves me, which is the first time she has said that first in a long time. It felt so positive and I felt like she was ready to work. She even said so.
Next morning, I start getting texts saying that she had a dream about my infidelities and that she knows I haven't told her the complete truth. I have told her the truth and the only physical incident was with someone we both had a sexual encounter with. These incidents were years ago. I spent the morning trying to convince that I was telling the truth and she seemed more positive again before she returned to her parent's house from the lake. Then she turned cold again, saying she didn't want to spend time together, and informing me that this was going to take much longer that I am willing to believe, if at all. The oldest told our younger children that he had fun this weekend fixing up the bonus room in the parent's house to be Mom's bedroom. I am very scared she is gaining more privacy for a specific reason.
earlier in the afternoon, I got a call from a new marriage counselor who is considered very good and specializes in rebuilding marriages. She agreed to attend but have heard nothing from the rest of the night. Neither did the kids.
