So I didn't sleep much last night. All I could think about is how I messed up. How by trying to share my progress with wife it was actually me just putting pressure on her and I don't know how she interprets it but I could see her believing this as attempt at controlling her. She has not seem the newer me long enough to trust permanent change. Have I really changed at all. There are good changes in me just Not enough that is for sure.
It seems to me that you are starting to understand detaching.
Keep it up!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Well...I think I do Understand what detachment is and what benefits it will bring. How to fully implement this, well that is where I have fallen short.
I have come to a conclusion that I am in a codependent marriage. I try to meet my wife's needs to gain affection, right? The anxiety the self esteem problems are better...but am unjust tricking myself into feeling better about doing these things because it is for mybbenefit. am I truly giving of myself because it is an act of love. I think a lot of times it is true. Sometimes I feel like I am still doing things to curry affection and elicit an affectionate reaction.
This is my new focus. How do I break free of this cycle. I went out for the afternoon yesterday and enjoyed the time with my new gaming group... But I had more than a twinge of regret for being there. This a real problem. After wards I came home we for dressed up nice and went on a outing with some of the gals and their husband's. It was fun. This group is 15-20 years older than us, bit was still cool. The guys talked about dumb jobs we've had and all the different shows we've been to. Once the show was underway, a couple of the girls switched spots and wife ended up next to me. We had a great time. (I had a great time, she said she had a great time)
What are good suggestions for book on codependency and breaking the cycle???, This will be something I need to address during my future IC sessions. Was looking at codependency no more?
Easy killer. You said she bounced after her initial reaction, didn't you? Don't be too hard on you!
I am trying to really get into my head that I really need to make the changes in my behavior. The feelings of anxiety, abandonment, etc are all self imposed because I have not truly confronted my codependency, which means that I HAVE been lying to myself about detaching and enmeshing. My GAL has been not enough. Guitar and swimming and soccer coaching....there are no new relationships forged there to make new friends, which is something that I absolutely positively need in my life....not just now but moving forward.
Zephyr, you are doing well. Maybe you should try what my IC suggested for me. When I find a thought going through my mind when things are going well (like he's here but I think he's lying to me), that I should acknowledge the thought and then visualize it floating away. It sounds silly, but it does work a good amount of time for me.
Keep working at it!
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
What are good suggestions for book on codependency and breaking the cycle???, This will be something I need to address during my future IC sessions. Was looking at codependency no more?
Hi Zephyr,
I haven't read it, but one that comes to mind (from this forum, I think) is 'Codependent No More.'
I am struggling with some of the same things you are. You are not alone.
I wish you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hey Toots, how are you? Sending a ((((((Toots))))) your way!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
