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Thanks everyone.
I know it will all work out. Even when dealing with my alien H.

I continue to heal physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually through the grace of God.

I look forward to reading y'all's insights because they help me so much to just see things in a new perspective. Sometimes I just need that as I'm sure y'all do to.

Y'all are really a true blessing. All will be good. I know it will. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers.

Just praying for my husband and inlaws. I pray that they speak words of love, hope, mercy, and blessing towards me and my children. I know i can't control them so I pray the Lord continues to protect me and my children.

I am sorry that we all have these stories but believe we are here to help one another. I continue to pray for all you. May God continue to use y'all to help others and bless you and your families.

Believe!

In His Love

vge1

Romans 8:28 - Everything will work out for the good!!!!

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Just stopping by to say how strong you are being and wise too. This must be incredibly hard to stay focused on your health right now. I am glad you are working with your attorney and your physicians so you can get through this challenging period as quickly as possible.

VGE - sending you support and prayers. {{{hugs}}}


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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VGE,

You are a strong, classy lady and when I read your sitch, I am simply amazed by your grace. I do hope you are feeling well and taking care of yourself. Your h is really something. And I'll leave it at that:)

Sending you positive thoughts!

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/24/15 12:49 AM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Vge, sending you might positive thoughts and support. I agree with others here, you are an incredibly strong woman and you will get through this. You are showing such a grace in all of this. I believe in Karma. I think your H will reap what he’s sowed.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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vge, just seeing how you are.

I continue to hope & pray for you. Pls avoid the stress you do have control over (eg. FB, any other).

I am really in 'awe' smirk when I read of the indifference that mlc-ers exhibit. He will get what he *'deserves' eventually - he would. I'm not wishing that of course (my mother taught me well > he who laughs 1st, laughs last! - so I know not to think that way. life is very, very strange that way).

[*I have no other vocabulary/ or grammatical structure to express what I want at the moment! It's not happening grin lol - tired I guess].

Anyway, the point is I am not being callous re your h. It's just that, that's something they don't think of themselves! Their 'relationship' is not authentic - it will unfold in ways that they cannot anticipate right now. He & 'Ms. Doe's' R is an illusion right now - & illusions are just that.

Your challenge is to source methods to insulate yourself from his toxic nature right now. To find solutions for your unique sitch to make it WORK FOR YOU. And b/c of that I will have you in my thoughts. You can do this - surround yourself with good people vge. Your family & support ... prepare what you have to.

I hope that many years from now, we would all still be communicating and in a much better place emotionally, & talking about the 'not so good old days & how we tried so hard ... & made it! smile


pbetra
----
M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017

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Hi Vge,

I've been wondering how you are doing too.

How goes it?

I'm sure you are tired. If there's anything we can do, please let us know. I'd be happy to post quotes/messages if all you can do is read them right now because of fatigue.

Much love,

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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"Sister, you are on an assignment and you can't quit. You may feel like giving up. You aren't here on accident. God has given you an assignment. He ordained you should be here. You can't quit. You can't give up. You have to hold on.

"You may not like it. Many times where God takes us, it's not comfortable, but we can't quit."

Ruth Verse 16-18...for whither thou goest, I will go. Thy people shall by My people...

Steadfastly following Ruth, following God.

"If I go with God, I have to go no matter what happens. Allow God to empower you. Your circumstances may not change, but God will change YOU and will give you the strength in the belly of your soul. Whatever I have to suffer, I will follow. In the assignment there is some heartache...but, when you understand...this is an assignment."

Bishop Ernestine Reems


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Hello my friends.

Y'all are so amazing! So blessed to "know" y'all. Your prayers, thoughts, support and great advice continue to help me along this path. I truly pray for each one of you since we're all on this journey.

So, first. Treatment is going well. PRAISE BE TO GOD!! The Lord is so merciful and extremely gracious. My oncologist is very happy with the progress. This week is my off week and I am scheduled for a CT scan next week. PRAYING for good results. I don't sleep very well but trying to rest when I can. My energy and appetite are good. I've lost about 8 lbs since starting treatment in March and I think that's ok. I really don't want to lose too much weight cuz that'll make me prone to infection. Nutrition is key to healing so I really try to eat. Of course, it doesn't help when you have no taste buds so adding spices makes it better.

H still weird. He went to the beach with OW & her kids along with some other friends this past wknd. H really wanted our children to go but they all said no. H tried to sell the idea by saying that the hotel/resort has water slides and that the OW spent $1000 for them to have a separate suite while she and her children would be in another suite. Well, the minute our children knew OW was going to be there they said no.

I even asked our children that if they wanted to go - that it would be okay.I am really trying not to dissuade them from spending time with their dad even if the OW is around. They are the ones trying to dictate the relationship since they really aren't very young children...they do voice their opinion with reservation. H gets upset but so far hasn't forced them.

On a new note, someone has come into my life again. 23 years ago, I had a long term relationship that ended when he decided grass was greener over there. I was heartbroken but we were young and not married. I forgave him a long time ago and he did try to become friends a few months after our breakup but I didn't reciprocate out of respect for his new relationship. I never saw him with hate nor did I resent him. So in essence, we hadn't spoken or seen one another in 23 years!

Anyway, we have a mutual friend and she asked me if it was ok that he have my number since he asked. This was many months ago right after my H filed for D. But new guy (NG) never called until this week because his father died so NG came into town. His whole family lives here and NG lives 3000 miles away. NG knows about the cancer and my impending D. He's divorced too. I felt okay seeing NG cuz I have no expectations and really see him as a long lost friend. We talked as if no time had passed. However, he later disclosed to me that he should've married me a long time ago. He kept saying how all his friends and his parents have told him that I was the best girl he'd ever dated and that we should've been married. He even said that he'll wait for the D to be final and that no matter what I do that he won't be scared away. He wants stability, marriage, family and the cancer doesn't scare him. He says he won't let me go again. Hmmm???!!!

I didn't know what to do with this information. It kinda feels good to hear that an ex comes back only to say that they shoulda married you and that u were the best thing that ever happened to them. I liked that. But I know this NG is a different person from the one I dated a long time ago as I am a new person too. I am still fresh on this D path. But who knows. Maybe this NG or really Old guy is just to keep me from stressing out so that I can feel good about myself from a male perspective. I miss that. I miss a guy hug from a guy who honestly cares about me.

I don't know if he's sincere. I don't know him as a liar and feel that he's lived a single life, a married life and now that he's older and single again - no MLC, I think he has a better sense of who he is and what he wants.

I am just rambling but this is therapeutic to write down. Thanks for listening everybody. I guess after writing this out, I do want him as a part of my life... he's a "nerdy" type and I think he could mentor my children in that sense. NG is an intellectual and my H is more creative, artistic, hands on type of guy. I haven't told my children about NG because I feel I am still married, and I am not dating him. I don't think that it would be wise to bring him in right now. NG isn't pushing anything either. He's kinda just in the wings. We just met once for dinner and have talked on the phone a few times. If NG wants to be a part of the ride, he better hold on cuz it's rough.

I just hope that my children will be open to this in due time. So far, they've told me that I should date now so that I could be happy. I tell my children that I don't need someone else in my life to be happy. I am happy with or without a life partner/husband. I am happy because God makes me happy - a deep joy is a better sense of happiness. My children are an extra blessing. :-) Just like having a husband/life partner would be an extra blessing too.

maybe this NG/OG is just for this week. Maybe this will be for a few months. My love for my H is not the same. It's lost. It's not there. That is so sad to write and my heart hurts for him but my life doesn't depend on him. This NG and my love for him is different. Only because I know we are different people with different experiences and we have to get to know one another again. It's a young love .. you know you never forget your first love.

Y'all don't worry. I am not jumping into a new R yet. I pray for wisdom and discernment. I pray for favor. I pray for healing for me and my children. I pray for my H - to wake up from this MLC fog.
I pray for this NG/OG - I hope he's genuine in wanting a friendship or whatever.

Okay - enough of the emotional rambling. I'm open to y'all's wisdom.

Thank you LoisB, pbetra, Georgiabelle, BrightFuture and 123Gwen...for the prayers, encouragement and support. Love to y'all.

In His Love

vge1

Romans 8:28

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Oh My Goodness !!! So much has happened in the life of vge -

First off - so happy that the treatment is going well, I am keeping everything crossed for you for the scan - you sound positive and that is brilliant, hold on to that. Keeping as healthy as possible is vital right now, so really try to eat well, I appreciate its hard as nothing tastes right and you really don't feel like it but its a part of beating this cancer and you my lady are doing fantastically well.

Your kids know how they feel. As long as you are not putting things into their heads about your h and ow then you can stand back knowing your conscience is clear. Its up to your h to sort things out with them, not you. Your doing great with them.

Well Well Well - you little tinker you ha ha. You know what I think .... Get yourself well again and then once you are fighting fit and d - (I sense getting d is important to you, which is totally understandable.) see how you feel about NG.

Some of the strongest relationships are born from being great friends first, so take this slow and please whatever you do don't lead him on, be upfront and honest - he sounds like he is an understanding G. Meanwhile enjoy the attention and don't take it too seriously and take this time in getting to know him again.

I don't want to rain on your parade - however you are going through a lot; your emotions are all over the place; so many changes are happening right now - so be careful as to what you are feeling is "real" before you act.

vge, you are an inspiration -

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Lou has given you some very wise advice about your emotions being all over the place right now. Enjoy the NG's support for the time being and when you are stronger and divorced, then you can explore what comes next w/him.

I'm very happy to read that the treatments are going well. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, especially with the scan coming up.

As for the children and the ow, they feel what they feel and no amount of money is going to change that. I agree w/Lou, this is something that your h will need to figure out w/the children. It may or may not ever happen, but that's not for you to worry about.

Keep focusing on you and fighting the cancer. Take care of yourself!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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