I hucked a waterfall.

[mahhhty]

Thanks Mozza!

[Sherman333]

Heck, I so look forward to my plans that I wouldn't want WW to come back immediately, even if I still would like to R!

I can appreciate that statement completely.

[Bob723]

Hi Mahhhty!

Like Lost, I also have seen tremendous growth in you. I sort of look to you as my mentor!

You asked such a good question -- I've been wondering about it myself.

P.S. Mozza, thank you for suggesting "Models" by Mark Mason. I will defintely read it.

Bob

[mahhhty]

Sherman, Mozza... Definitely. Having the children 50% of the time opens a lot of free time and then inevitably I fill it with things that I love to do. The Catch 22 is seeing them 50% of the time.

Bob... I appreciate your sentiments and am flattered. Your story spoke to me when you were in the other forum, I will continue to check in as long as I am posting. I try to promote the ideas that I have read and am implementing in myself. Everyone is different, therefore it is important to find what speaks to you and do more of it. I believe there are many people on here who have the experience b/c they have pieced things back together, those are the real teachers, as experience is always the best teacher.

Bulldog... Your posts are always about a day or more late. I just went back and saw your post. You explained that you doubt the P/D dynamic in my situation, as you believe she has her own agenda (I am well aware that early on you fully believed in some sort of A). So what then?

[Mozza]

Bulldog... Your posts are always about a day or more late. I just went back and saw your post. You explained that you doubt the P/D dynamic in my situation, as you believe she has her own agenda (I am well aware that early on you fully believed in some sort of A). So what then?

I thought GB's post was much more suited to your sitch than mine. She's been very explicit about how it would work in your case. I'm not sure what you mean by "What then?" You need to detach, regardless of the reasons why she left you. Not detaching leads to pain and pursuit, two things that play against you. Also, there's no trick to make her come back. The ball is in her court. All we can do is to stop the damage we've done. People who pursue, who get upset, who are difficult will just make R and moving on more difficult. It's a great Buddhist exercise, one that I'm not familiar with as an emotional person, but it's the moment where I (we) have to learn the lesson.

Any interest in Models? Again, I think it would do you good to read about attraction and, later if you want to date, the rest of the book might become useful.

[mahhhty]

I never mentioned at my last IC appointment, he basically kicked me out. At the end he put his hand out and said "Good luck Mahhhty." I was shocked and responded "We are done?" He then explained that we are. He expects big things and wants me to drop him a line here and there...

Anyway, got the munchkins tonight through Friday AM. I am excited to see them. I decided to detach more the last couple days and didn't call to say goodnight either night. I wanted to see if she would approach me about the coffee. She hasn't thus far. We will see on Friday.

I am planning on hitting the playground and seeing their cousins tonight and tomorrow. And then this weekend I'll be camping all weekend up North. Paddling Friday. Practicing for the Down River Race Friday PM. Racing Saturday. Then more boating Sunday.

[Bob723]

Bob... I appreciate your sentiments and am flattered. Your story spoke to me when you were in the other forum, I will continue to check in as long as I am posting. I try to promote the ideas that I have read and am implementing in myself. Everyone is different, therefore it is important to find what speaks to you and do more of it. I believe there are many people on here who have the experience b/c they have pieced things back together, those are the real teachers, as experience is always the best teacher.

Hello Mahhhty,

I truly mean it! Thank you for your continued support, I really appreciate yours' and everyone else's input. How true about all of us being different and, of course, our situations as well.

Please hang in there my friend!

Bob

[mahhhty]

Mozza,
No one is questioning detachment. Bulldog is also M not a W. Bulldog is blatantly calling out that the current path will not work... "In your situation I don't buy the persuer distancer concept and line of thinking that by detaching your wife is more likely to pursue you. She's got her own agenda." He is reinforcing comments made early on about an A. The book is in the queue. Thank you for the suggestion.

[Cadet]

Mozza,
No one is questioning detachment. Bulldog is also M not a W. Bulldog is blatantly calling out that the current path will not work... "In your situation I don't buy the persuer distancer concept and line of thinking that by detaching your wife is more likely to pursue you. She's got her own agenda." He is reinforcing comments made early on about an A.

Sometimes you can do everything "right" and still not stop a divorce.
And other times you can do everything "wrong" and save your marriage.

It takes two to make a marriage and both of those involved have "free choice".

There also does not need to be an active affair to have infidelity.
Sometimes it can be a fantasy or a character in a book.

I think all you can do is to get on living your life, and become that person that only a fool would leave.
Then you can't lose!

[Bob723]

^^^^^^^^^^

I agree with everything Cadet posted above! Wow, well-said Cadet.

Bob