my wife dropped the bomb on me 10 months ago that she was unhappy. I changed things in my life that were bothering her and she just grew more distant. She has grown relationships with her friends and family and isnt putting in the effort with us. I found out about a work crush and she says it is innocent but she also expressed that she talked to him about our problems and to this day cannot talk to me about our relationship. This situation has given me a lot of anxiety and made me look desperate and unattractive to my wife.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
my wife has agreed to go to marriage counseling and we are going this saturday, any suggestions on how I should approach the counseling session?
With NO EXPECTATIONS, no thoughts that it will actually work. Counseling can sometimes be used as a divorce justifier, like "I did everything I could but you didn't comb your hair properly so we must divorce". Are you going to a pro-marriage counselor?
Please give us some more background about your self and wife. Ages, kids, length of marriage, general history.
me-36,W36,D5 My wife and I met in highschool and she pursued me and showed she loved me for a long time. We have been living together for about 13years but only married for 8 1/2. We have a 5 yr old daughter and it was hard watching her all morning and then going to work untill midnight every day.
About year 2 it really started weighing on me and making me unhappy which I expressed to my wife.
I became unattentive and didnt do much around the house because I was depressed. About a year ago I started noticing a change in my wife and before I knew it she dropped the bomb that she was unhappy. She stated that I was unattentive and didnt help so I changed all that plus changing my work schedule to be at home more but it didnt help.
She became more involved with friends and started going out more frequently. I found out about a crush she had with a guy in her building and said it was innocent but since the doesnt want me to visit her at work on her lunch even though my daughter and I used to do that. She is taking trips out of state with my daughter and doesnt want me apart of it and is going out with friends untill early in the morning which is something she didnt even do in her 20's.
I saw a post recently on facebook of one of nights out and noticed she didnt have her ring on. She went out last night with a friend and I saw on facebook that there were guys present and when I asked her about it she said it was just them. I stupidly said that I know her friends where there as well she said the were there just not with them.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/22/1503:42 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
Not sure how much of a professional he was reffered to me by my therapist. Should I cancel this appt for justifiable reasons and or to show that I am backing off?
we went to marriage counseling today and the counselor asks us what our biggest fears are and I saw that my wife doesnt want to be in this marriage and she says that my fear is that I am going to hurt him.
