Probably a good idea too bad I did and then not another word from him. I need to GAL. LOL I actually working on that though. At least I pretty much expected that I wouldn't hear back from him.
How old are you and how old is your H? Could it be MLC? He is so into this new motorcycle. Is this a normal thing for him, or is he behaving like this just now?
My H did some of the same behavior, he left the house but still comes back like trying to get some kind of approval, comfort. After many mistakes, many big falls and riding a roller coaster that did nothing more then hurt me, I am in the way to take care after my kids and myself.
I finally understood that I can't resolve anything right now, I do not have any control over my H's actions and reactions. My best shot is to make myself better and happy and in a way maybe he will fall in love with me again.
You are still in too much dark, you do not know his real reasons for the split. You sound like a strong person that will handle it well. And when I say well, it's not that I think you will be by the book every day.
There will be days that are more difficult then other. But after 20 years in a M you know there are a lot of wounds, resentments...it will take time to work all this out.
My best advice, the one I keep giving to myself, is that you should try your best and take good care after yourself. Help yourself to sleep and eat well. For me it helps to take a mild antidepressant, it takes the edge away.
Keep posting, this makes you change and most important, makes you grow as a person and value yourself as a human being.
Thanks my husband just turned 45 and I am 48. I started noticing small changes about 18 months ago. He started being more angry and more obstinate I would say. Last summer he became this angry man who fought with me every day and yelling at our child. Before this he was the most loving husband and fun guy and good father.
It has just gone down hill from there. He moved out at end of January 2015 and every couple of days he will contact me or not usually about something he wants like motorcycle. Comes to house and tells our child the house isn't his responsibility because its mine and then tells me not to buy something for the house because I am wasting money when he is the one that moved out and now we have to pay for two households.
I don't know if I will ever know the real reason for his total change in behavior other then MLC, nor do I care at this point. This is his problem not mine. I have done everything I can to try and fix this except to disengage and that is what I am doing. I wish him well but he has lost his marbles and needs to find them.
I will not accept nor do I want the man he has become. He is nothing like what I signed up for.
Well said S, you are indeed stronger them I have been. I was a jelly bean with my H for a long time. It was very sad how I engaged in my H's roller coaster and hurt myself a lot, and getting some 2x4s on my head every time I would post another "I gave in again, kissed, hugged and made love again".
The age is appropriate for MLC, who knows. It just strikes me that he is so into this motorcycle subject.
Or maybe he is trying to compensate himself, it is a distraction and he needs the distraction in order to cope with his guilty.
Please, keep posting, maybe we can hear about some GAL?
Believe me... you will feel better. Give yourself a chance to be happy, at least a little bit every day. It helps.
Went to a gun safety class this weekend and learned to shoot did fairly well. It was something that I would never do so I decided that is what I would do. I actually liked the challenge of shooting at the targets.
Had not heard from spouse since Thursday when he emailed me a pic of motorcycle until I accidently sent him a text last night that was meant to go to my sister. Note to self always erase finished text messages from him. Good thing it only said last charge on card was Wednesday which he immediately responded back thinking I was checking to see what he had last bought, "Nope nothing. I haven't spent anything." So I acted like it was for him and told him about my gun class and that was it. Heard nothing back.
I am back on the no contact wagon and I erased text message so that won't happen again. LOL
I think the only thing to do if this is MLC which after reading some posts and his obsession with motorcycles and working out, is to wait it out while feeling lucky that I have my son all the time and the house. I actually have it pretty good with him living somewhere else and not having to live with his anger. I can do what I want when I want to.
As long as I stay away from him and do not contact him I feel pretty good. Its when I hear from him or see him I start to doubt myself .
No word from Mr. MLC as I have taken to calling him. I had a thought today this is going to be my life. He is off doing whatever it is he needs to do. I can't control that but I can do what I want and there was a fun life before him and there will be again only now I have someone to share it with, my son10.
I am thankful that I live and can afford my house, have my child, my dogs, a good job that is understanding and makes it affordable for me to have all of the above. I am thankful that I know what I want in life. I look at him and he hasn't a clue and he doesn't realize what he has and I can see him struggling thru guilt etc... I am lucky I don't have to struggle with him!
