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Elly4 Offline OP
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Thanks, Bob! I really needed a encouraging word today. It's just one of those days that everything seems heavier. I'm sure it will be a better day tomorrow.

GAL trip with my three year old!!!


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

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Originally Posted By: Eirinn
Thanks, Bob! I really needed a encouraging word today. It's just one of those days that everything seems heavier. I'm sure it will be a better day tomorrow.

GAL trip with my three year old!!!

You're most welcome, Eirinn! I'm happy it helped.

A GAL trip with your 3 yeard old -- priceless. Good for you.

Enjoy!

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,098
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Eirinn, I want to let you know that I am very hopeful for you right now. Crazy right, why??? You have chosen to stand and fight for your marriage despite getting $hit back from your husband. I think that this journey will make you a more complete person, who will understand your own needs and be able to love and enjoy your life way more than before. You will get there... There will be struggles but all I've read of you, there is strength there!

The struggle of not knowing what is happening with your husband IS absolutely terrible. Right now though it matters very little...unless you have made yourself ready to do what is necessary to be able to move on. What I mean is if you were to discover some kind of affair today, are you ready to set down your boundaries with husband AND willing to enforce them. Are you ready to possibly file a divorce if it were to come to that. Are you ready to move on or love separated?

I am not asking if you are willing to give up or quit, quite the contrary. U are here to work on your marriage. You want it to succeed and flourish. This is the time for working on Eirinn, to make yourself into the best person you can. We keep reading these sentiments of making ourselves the best we can be, but once we have fully bought into them (well I was Pretty skeptical anyway for myself) it don't make tons of sense.

Sorry I tend to ramble, point is you are in a position to take some time to work in you. To focus some of that awesome energy of yours and channel it towards figuring out what makes you happy and to do it. Husband still at home, so there is time, right. He has a journey he is on and nothing we can do to solve his issue, anything we do towards that end will only push farther away. Be pleasant, own your side of the struggles and work on them, show understanding and be the best you, you can be. That includes (in no small part) detaching from the husband and outcome of his journey.

I am praying for you and your little one!


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This is some great advise from zephyr and I definitely agree.
This is his journey, and no amount of speaking does help. It only Spurs them on to do the opposite- like a rebellious teenager.
The positives here are you are still both under the same roof- and you are still on talking terms. With regards to the "friend" thing, I'm not saying it's the same thing for you- but that is what my h claimed the ow was.. He eventually told me he had feelings for her but didn't think she felt the same way. It was only when he left her that he actually told me it had got physical..
Anyhow- I also have a great feeling about this, and you're a strong lady. What were you like when you first met? What was it that made him fall for you? You need to get back in touch with you- both for your sanity, and for your S. And h will notice, I guarantee. My h began to see me just getting on and has told me that is what brought him back to me. He realised that I am still me - and would say the ow just couldn't come close to making him feel the same way.
I am praying for you. Have a great time calling with S. Truly enjoy your child. My Baby and you lot are the only thing that kept me sane. Ultimately you want to protect him from ever knowing something is wrong.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
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Elly4 Offline OP
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Zephyr and Cherry, I’m sorry I haven't responded sooner, but I was away on vacation with my son. I have to say that both of your posts made me cry (in a good way). I have been feeling so down recently and confused and you both had points that reminded me why I'm DBing.

Zephyr, you are right, I am choosing to fight for my marriage. I was down at my brother’s house this past week and he mentioned if I had gotten a lawyer yet and my response was that I wanted to save my marriage. He was happy to hear that. Although he suggested I talk to one if my H starts talking about how to split up stuff. My brother is an accountant and worries about money stuff.

I have been using this time to work on myself and my IC has even stated that she has seen me getting stronger every week. But I have been doubting whether just focusing on myself would save my marriage. As Michelle says, there is no guarantee but at least I’ll know I can take care of myself and my little S. Knowing if he’s cheating on me doesn’t really change anything in the long run and all I can do is to continue to be the lighthouse for him.

Cherry, somewhere or another, after 23 years of marriage we lost the fun and spontaneity that comes with young love. I also know we moved in with him at 19 and myself at 21 so it’s natural that he might need to find himself which I understand. Just don’t throw the baby out with the water if you know what I mean. It was interesting while away at my brother’s house. My H texted me 6 – 10 times a day asking how we were and were we having fun and so on. I kept my responses short but friendly and didn’t automatically respond every time. Since I came home he’s been talking a lot to me, but I’m sure tomorrow he’ll retreat again. At least I am prepared.

Thank you, Zephyr and Cherry for your faith in me and your prayers! They are very much appreciated.


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

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Originally Posted By: Eirinn
Zephyr and Cherry, I’m sorry I haven't responded sooner, but I was away on vacation with my son. I have to say that both of your posts made me cry (in a good way). I have been feeling so down recently and confused and you both had points that reminded me why I'm DBing.
Hello Eirinn!

Zephyr and Cherry's posts were so goosd they almost made me cry in a good way--for you nad for me.

They reminded me also as to why I am sticking with my WW for 6 months and still attempting to DB.

You should be proud of yourself...you are doing very well.

Sending a (((((Eirinn))))) your way.

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
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Eirinn I hope you had a great time with your son on vacation. You are doing so great, it takes a lot of strength to db- it's certainly not the easy route. It teaches us many things, I learnt I don't NEED my husband, but I do WANT him.
It's great that he was chatty with you and texting you. He most probably missed you. It's good you recognise he may go quiet on you- they always seem to do that after a surge of being nice- it's as if they don't want to give us too much hope. Try not to expect anything of him. He's definitely in that fog- keep strong lovely! Praying for you xo


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Elly4 Offline OP
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So, way back at the beginning of my threads, when Mr. Bond was trying to get my whole situation out, I mentioned that last year I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Because of this, I can catch things easily. This has been going on for years, but they finally discovered why.

My H has always been very caring and eager to take care of me when sick. When he first BD, he mentioned that he couldn't imagine not taking care of me physically or mentally and it caused him not to be able to discover who he is. That was one of those stinging comments because I didn't think I required too much care. Mostly I was self sufficient, but I think I overused the "Can you do me a favor" thing. When I've brought it up to him since he has said that I never asked for much, but he always wanted to help out. He would stay home from work some days after the baby was born if I got sick, so I wouldn't have to handle being sick and taking care of another. Essentially I got lazy when I got sick. At least that's how I feel honestly.

So, I got sick while on vacation and today was diagnosed with pneumonia and put on bed rest. He texted to ask what the doctor said and when I told him, he immediately said he would take the week off to watch over our son.

My 180? I told him I could handle it, and he shouldn't take any time off. If he wanted to help, he could be home on time so that he could go for a walk or play with our son, but I was all set. I could tell it surprised him, so good. Now I just have to not cave in when he offers to get me things from the kitchen.


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 911
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Elly4 Offline OP
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Thank you Cherry for your prayers. They definitely help!! It was funny with his texts while on vacation because there were times I was enjoying myself and didn't want to hear the text tone. Talk about a turn around.


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 911
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Elly4 Offline OP
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Arrggghh! So my 180 is taking care of myself while I have pneumonia. I don't lean on my H even when he offers. So I'm doing it. It's not easy trying to breathe and have a three year old climb on my chest but I'm proud of myself.

Then my H comes through the door tonight and asks if I filled out any applications today and if I called my superintendent to see if she finished my recommendation. I stay PMA and say no I'll do that. I get up, start getting my paperwork together and burst into a coughing attack. My H looks at my S and says, "Mommy shouldn't be walking around, her doctor told her to rest."


I repeat, Aaarrrrgggghhh!


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

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