Good for you getting out there and GAL!!! That helped me so much. I just kept pushing myself ( still do) to get out and keep busy. I have now involved myself more in my career, which means I advocate for my profession. I belong to different groups and boards. I still run, go to the gym and hit yoga. I spend time with friends and family. I'm starting to date. Now I am actually glad to have a night at home. Hahaha. I booked a trip to Mexico for July and will be traveling to the UK in Sept. Life is for the living. Do it while you are healthy. Keep taking baby steps into your future.
I'm hoping for another date this week. I will be back to update you. Lol
Cheers,
Karma
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Here we are again, seems like we are all postulating about where we actually stand in our sitch and R. Same thoughts go through my mind about compatibility with WW, R the affect on kids, moving on, etc. It's overwhelming, but then I realize did any of us think we could get here when we first got in the boards? Wow, I see the 'new' threads pop up, get the sick feeling in my gut that I know how they feel with their first post and then almost feel good that somehow they found this place and I know they'll be in the best hands and come out okay. Then I see Mozza, giving the advice that him and I couldn't understand when we first got here and it makes me realize how much we've grown. Silver Lining? Maybe, I don't know.
For me I see it like this: It's on WW to change and have some way to initiate R if it's in the cards. Only God knows that outcome. The kids on the other hand are where I see my patience in waiting is coming from. I'm comfortable (enough?!?) where I am now to keep going for a while without the huge sweeping emotional distress I once had.
Okay, time for another Christian Rock song: While I'm Waiting by John Waller (Sorry Mozza for the religous highjack of your thread, regardless lyrics seem appropriate to our sitches)
------------- I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait
And I will move ahead bold and confident Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting I will serve You While I'm waiting I will worship While I'm waiting I will not faint I'll be running the race even while I wait
I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait Yes, I will wait
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Whoa there! Unless my time difference calculations are off, you did that all on a Wednesday?! I think V needs to work in a bonus for weekday GAL. Maybe a weight of 1.2 per GAL point delivered during a weekday? V, what do you think?
Glad to hear the meet up with FIL went ok, Mozza. I trust you can still tell the time?
Sounds fair to me but only if total exceeded is 15 points for the weekdays.
Things are lightening up Mza, and you know V is a fan ever since the Goat Gal days.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Kids report | D3 told me "I don't love mommy. I love daddy. Mommy shouts at me when I don't play well." The she said that she wanted to stay with me. I told her that, of course, she loves mommy too and that mommy loves her. I did not address the rest. D3 is (was?) mommy's girl. Their bond was very strong, with little space for me or D7 sometimes. D3 is very honest about her emotions and I'm a little concerned at this new development, but all I can do is do my half of the parenting right and be supportive of their mom with my kids.
Detachment report | WW asked me to keep the kids for an extra two days after the week-end (meaning I'll have them 12 days out of 14) and I accepted because I was available. It turns out that she was flying overseas to attend the funeral of OM's grandfather. It hurt a little, to see her invest in being supportive of her bf. Oh well, it's all part of the play.
GAL report | After I dropped of the kids, I decided to leave town for the 48 hours where they are not with me. I'm visiting friends in another city, working from cafés. I went to the gym for a third time, slowly establishing the new routine. I might have found a partner who would go with me. Oh and the trainer is really hot.
Flirting report | I've been forcing myself to chat with nice women, but nothing more. Last night, I went to a dance club (mostly empty - it was a bit sad) and sat there wondering why I wouldn't join in or talk to people. I know most of you think I seek validation or some ego boost from flirting and dating, but to me it's all about changing myself by changing the way I see my interactions with women. I care about my actions with them, not so much about their reaction. Having the courage to express my interest and desire to strangers. I don't know if I'm the only one struggling with this, but I decided to face it, and yet it remains so difficult. Models calls it "the pain period" and the name is accurate.
__________________________
Thanks to all of you for stopping by.
jim0987 | I've heard this idea that we miss the idea of our W or our M, but I can't say that it has clicked with me. It still seems to me that I miss my WW as she was, ven though yes I miss being a nuclear family.
LisaB | So nice to see your name on my thread. Yes, I'm progressing well. I still have this weight on my shoulders, but I feel constant improvement over the weeks and months. As expected.
MCS | Yes, seeing newcomers arrive on the board can sometimes be distressing. I know it is for me. At the same time, I envy them to be at such a place of impact. I wish I had the knowledge and courage to DB early and make an impression on my WW. Now it feels so late in the sitch that my detachment is seen as healthy and normal, not as a surprise of cause for concern.
Karma12 | Yes, GALing helps a lot but what clicked for me was when I realized that I didn't just have to do things, but that I could do things that I really love. It made the whole thing much more enticing.
Vanilla | Thanks for the GAL scoring!
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Detachment report | It turns out that she was flying overseas to attend the funeral of OM's grandfather.
Thats [censored]! Sorry Mozza. I don't care who you are that will sting a little.
Originally Posted By: Mozza
Flirting report | I don't know if I'm the only one struggling with this, but I decided to face it, and yet it remains so difficult.
Of course not! On some level all men have their own insecurities. I read somewhere that of most people Mr Nice Guy usually has a tougher time with these interactions, because of a concept they relate too, "putting the woman on a pedestal." I have no idea if thats your struggle, but I can definitely relate. Instead of a dance club, how about just a bar? It may be easier to break through for a discussion.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
These days, I'm in a strange place where I still yearn for my WW, yet I want to live the new life I'm building. I'm thrilled to be closer to my kids with all the activities we manage to do when we're together. At the same time, I love having my activities during my week alone. I'm excited at the idea of getting a motorcycle, I like the challenge of flirting and the possibilities it opens. I hang out with friends without asking permission or feeling guilty. If WW was to turn around and ask to R today, I'd be thinking "Wait, I'm not done being alone!" Is it a downside or an upside to building the life I want?
What's strange is that at BD, I immediately envisioned a one-year process or so where WW would find someone new, live a romantic disappointment and then realize her mistake and come back. It's still going according to plan, but I don't find it easy to wait it out. I can't keep my thoughts or emotions still. My resentment for her choosing the A and S is growing. My awareness of the new possibilities without a W from abroad grows; i can have roots in my home country, stay closer to family and friends, etc. My assessment of what lead to the two As and the S evolves but not necessarily in a way that favors R. I feel like I should be thinking more of my faults in the M, but the way my IC is going, it sounds like it really was a problem of compatibility and that I'll be a better person with a better fit. I'm not 100% on board with it, but given that I'm alone now, why not just become "myself" as much as possible and see what happens? And there are things I've learnt about being a better husband, such as the love languages and not being such a Nice Guy all the time. ___________________________
mahhhty | Thanks for stopping by! The trip to the funeral didn't sting too much. In my mind, she's gone. They are starting a new couple, a new life, there's no reason for them to hold back. I guess every little step they will take will sting a bit, much like it will sting her if she hears I've a new girlfriend. Human nature, I guess. And thanks for the dating advice too! I do put women on a pedestal to an extent and tend to overdramatize sex, it seems, as if it's something sacred and very bonding. The flirting experiment is meant to explore this idea. ___________________________
Detachment report | For the first time since BD, I've asked something of WW. I had a flat tire far away from the city and couldn't make it in time to pick up the kids. I asked her if she could go and she told me of office meetings and plans for the evening. I said fine, I'll look for another way. She was kind of put off that I moved on so fast, asking me more details to see if her schedule could be rearranged. I said I'd be fine. She came back later asking if I still needed help because she had rearranged her schedule. I repeated that I was fine and I did put together a plan B. I was not happy that she would play hard to get after I gave her just about every schedule change she wanted in seven months. But then I resolved not to add this to the list of reasons why I'm angry at her. It's not easy, but when I catch myself doing it, I remind myself that she did offer in the end and that I could have accepted, so it was my choice. More importantly: I showed flexibility because it suited me, not to accumulate points with her. My evening turned out great when a friend picked up my kids and three of us ended up watching a game at my place.
GAL Report | I'm very happy with my 48-hour trip out of town. I met several friends and didn't have too much time to dwell on my sitch. Also, I just registered for new dance classes. I'll be swinging (no pun intended) every Thursday, starting this week. I was convinced by a friend that knowing how to dance is a superpower when you meet women. I already love to dance, but I don't know any style or routine. I always thought it was not for me, but if this crisis has taught me anything it's that "it's not for me" is not a good argument.
For those of you out there keeping scores, that's muscle-building gym thrice a week, playing music in public venues, singing karaoke, taking dance classes, perhaps soon on a cool motorcycle, better clothes, grooming and hairstyle, and tons of self-help under the belt. Add to this what's old: a loving father, an OK cook, an entrepreneur with his dream job. Oh and, of course, an expensive watch. Ladies, the line starts here.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I'm glad you have picked up and are enjoying going to the gym. There is a wide range of positive results that ensue, boht physically and psychologically. Keep it up!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
