Getting back to me

[mustardseed]

It could be. He's been home all day. In and out a bit. I've been good. Pma. No more questions. Now it is a waiting game. He said he is waiting for a file number. I guess that means I'm getting served.surprised he actually followed through with this. I can wait it out. I'll call my lawyer monday and give her the heads up.

[Vanilla]

Msd

You got the power to blow this out of the water if you want.

V

[mustardseed]

So she came to pick up her d. She must have texted him when she got here because I saw her pull up and called upstairs to let her D know, but he was already upstairs getting the girls. Then he ran out to her car to chat. It took all of my self control to not make a snide comment. I waved, then went back in the house. I looked out the window (not good I know) and she pointed at me, then he went to the back of the car to make a fuss over her son like he always does. When her son was a baby she took him on a school overnight trip with her because she was breastfeeding so she, H, and her s drove up together. I thought it was great because it meant that he came home a night earlier. i really thought he was doing it for me, so that he wasn't away so long. Now I question everything. I highly doubt he would have an A with a woman who just gave birth to another man's son, but I always think that that might have been the moment where their friendship shifted from friendly coworkers, to emotionally connected, inappropriate friends. When he came back from the trip he told me that her S was hungry and he joked with her about just feeding him in front of him. He's a father and seen it before. That bothered me at the time, but I figured since he was telling me it must be innocent. So I let it go. But that keeps popping into my head now and again. That was 5 years ago.

Anyway, it took all of my self restraint to not make a comment. I didn't say anything. My heart was racing. I was trembling. I wanted to hit something really hard (her big ass head would have been nice). But I didn't say or do anything. Now he is dropping s13 off at a bar mitzvah. I wonder if he is going to come home or if he has plans for after drop off. A friend's mother is bringing S home. Part of me hopes that he just doesn't come home so that I don't feel tempted to pick.

[Vanilla]

Msd

You are allowed to say that you don't want this tramp at your house. A new baby and she is EA?

Yuk! What behaviour...........

Puke already, it is nasty. I would have a hard time with that too. Let it go though, accept its low, flush it with the dirty nappy behaviour. And my lovely we read some sad stuff but her kids have this behaviour in their mom? That's not good.

V

[mustardseed]

I'm seething. I just want to break down. I keep thinking of ways to get her fired. But I know focusing on them will only backfire on me. Talking to her about my side of things was probably the worst thing I could have done. He just texted me that he is going out and will be home by the time s gets home, I just responded ok. I'm trying to go dark. To let go. I have to do my lesson planning. I should just throw myself into that to distract myself from this pain. because it is this feeling that makes me want to pick a fight.

[Vanilla]

Msd

Tell me about Thursday timetables. If I understand mon to wed ok almost enjoyable. Thursday and I don't really understand what makes that day different. It sounds chaotic.

Is it a resource issue? Or a planning one?

Can the problems be worked around or overcome?

Will this happen every term?

V

[Vanilla]

You are not going to break down because you are getting angry. Just cut her from your life, completely. No more waving.

My sweet Msd, this is shifting.

V

[mustardseed]

I don't know how to set that boundary without it looking like I'm putting the kids in the middle. I think I really just need to move out. But I want to take the kids with me.

[Vanilla]

Msd

Which boundary would you like to tackle first?

Can you ask H to move out instead so you stay in your home. Would you prefer to move?

You can certainly say no OW comes to your home and if she does you will discuss the appropriateness of her professional behaviour, which you can do by letter or email. A simple request can do it. I said this by text to my H because he rants and OW stopped coming to my home. You could even try turning up at her home and even waving when picking up your D. Frankly though get lost to OW is best.

Your H works in a religious school? There may be religious counsellors there to discuss the issues with. Is that worth considering?

You can also say no calls or texts etc to H with OW. He leaves his phone in his car. Can you name OW and H in your D? Another matter to discuss on Monday with L.

These are clear boundaries, the Jewish faith is strong on family and respect. This is to enforce your boundaries not for revenge. If they back off then no need to enforce, your boundary, but you have to be prepared to do so.

V

[mustardseed]

We rent through h's employer. He said he would leave twice but never did. When I asked when it was happening he told me that he was advised not to. Once we are divorced I cannot live here. The housing is on campus. The campus where they both work. I can set a boundary that she not step foot in our home, but she never did anyway. As far as I know she has never been in our home except maybe to use the bathroom back when he used to throw a sports related bbq every year after graduation. I think I just need to leave. I just have to talk to the l about how to do that with the kids.

I hear him downstairs right now and it is taking all of my self control to not go down and start a conversation. He doesn't deserve my time or attention anymore.