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Happy belated B-day Mighty!
I really feel you, Mighty. I am very much right there with you feeling so many of the same things you are. Thing is you have it worse in many ways. The fact that you are standing still, there for your S18 and D14 says so much about how strong you really are inside. It's that strength that will get you back on your feet better than you were before, in the end. I think everyone here see's this in you.

Bea, while I think you are spot on with the fact that the MLCer feels that guilt deep down, the fact is that so many of them started their journey with depression. My W, when she was depressed, would feel all kinds of deep guilt. Guilt about things that she shouldn't have felt guilt about. Now, she is doing so many things that she should feel REAL guilt about and it only makes her keep pushing farther and faster. It's almost like she is going backwards. When she was depressed (still?) she let unfounded guilt crush her, now she refuses to feel the guilt that should tell her what she is doing is wrong. Just something I find interesting.

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uR- EXACTLY! What an awesome post. That's exactly right and what I've become to realize.

I am doing so much better. I had to let myself fall to the bottom. I was holding on to the impossible. Shielding myself from reality in it's naked- raw truth. I think I put a spin on things in my mind- so I could cope? But it prevented me from the bottom line. Until I took that sugar-coating off the pile of $hit of truth, I was denying that really- the only thing it was, was, $hit. Nothing else.

So had to fall. Accept exactly what it is. Only then can I work my way up. MY way- not carrying anyone up. Just me.

Still tough. Still a long way to go- still accepting truths and reality..., but when I hit a setback, I know I've climbed it previously- so I can do it again. Only a little more stealthier.

Thanks, uR. I'm getting there!

Gwen- we will persevere! I got your back.

Bea- yes! The person we could count on the most. Yes! That stuck out to me, too. It's like a speed bump that I roll up to and don't have enough momentum to get over, so I roll back and forth- just can't get over that one yet.

Dang, full of analogies today!

And yeah... The fact that they don't like what they've done- I think that's what was making me so crazy when it happened again. The opportunity to right the wrong.... Or something. Especially after what I know now about what it was like (partially- I know there is way more to it). But that come with the territory.

I think it gave me the bigger picture. This is much deeper than I ever could have imagined. Then the sugar disappeared from the $hit.

And.... Voila! Here you have me... Starting at the bottom... (I keep hearing drake)

The pursuing kids... This has me in a parking lot RIGHT NOW! I didn't realize that tonight was the Kevin hart show xh got tix to take s18- his bday present.

I hadn't thought of it. S18 told me he was going to lax game out of town, but going to hang w a friend first. D14 is at lax practice, then going to watch boys lax game after.

I think s18 was sure to make plans to be away from home.

I realized I needed to get out of there!!!!! It still gets me worked up inside. Much better- but I don't want to deal.

So, I'm in a parking lot. My friend and his wife are going to pick me up in a couple of hrs to go out for a bit.

I don't like this. So I will stay out of it. I really want NO part of it. And, that was xh's call to set the dynamic last year bc he wasn't allowed to talk to me- even regarding kids (and she didn't like him coming to the house to pick them up. Yet she spends every Sunday w her OTHER baby-daddy), so he only communicated w them & not me. Well- that is a-ok. Totally backfired on him.

(I added the above anecdote for fun- doesn't bother me anymore.)

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Mighty - I love your analogies - they are just right - some things are like a bit bump we can't get over, and then one day we do without even noticing. And yes, it is much deeper than we realised. My xh, as you know, also did the come back and try again routine before disappearing for a second time. Ouch. Not such a big shock second time around, but in some ways it hurt more . . . . because this time they seem to have 'got' what they had done. No child, but my xh recently admitted to me that he wanted another child. Seriously what is it with these men/children?

If officially diagnosed with MLC couldn't they be put somewhere quiet and comfortable until it passes over, to minimise the hurt they do? Mind you I have thought this about teenagers - but they call it college!!

Hang in there - look at WH - she had (and still has) one of the meanest MLCers gong and is now with someone much nicer.

My personal goal is not another r. In fact a very good friend was telling me that she has met someone nice (been on her own a long long time), and I sat there thinking, I am so happy for you and I am so glad it isn't me!

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Bea- I think it's a great idea to put them away somewhere! Wouldn't that be interesting? Lots less heartache!

I had a lot of fun last night. Met lots of new people. Never even thought of my crazy sitch- until.... Well my friend is friends with these young girls. They hang at this place, and for a second I thought, omg! They prob know HWW bc they are so young and from here. But I forgot about it and let the thought pass.

Later, someone asked if I was married and I said I had just recently gotten divorced. And one of the girls looked at me- and we both knew that second.... She knew who I was. Yep- friends w HWW. I asked how she knew it was me, she said bc you are the pretty little xxx from xxx. And figured it out. Anyway- she said HWW is such a skank and so crazy. Here is the funny story for today:

In high school (which wasn't that long ago) HWW was on her way to school w her bf. he tried to break up w her, soooooooooo

She drove into a tree.

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Just a thought, but she may be threatening suicide and a lot of other stuff right now. I now that my xh's first OW did that kind of stuff - and our xh's are so crazy that it works!!

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Ugh. That chick is wacko.

But none of it is bothering me, really. I feel so much free-er today.

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I knew I wasn't ready to date. But I know there are those really good feelings you get when you meet someone. I couldn't figure out how to get rid of all the pain and sadness alone. Yet, I knew I needed to be alone.

I am starting to get those feelings. But it's bc I'm single. I'm now excited about that.

Maybe it's bc I had such a good time last night. Maybe bc I know I don't have to deal w crazy. Maybe it's just the beginning.

My friends were all over me in the way home. They were like- everyone there loved you! Didn't you see you had captured everyone's attention? They were freaking out about it. I was just being myself and didn't notice, and I'm actually embarrassed to type this. I just was in a good place. Maybe people dig that.

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No need to be embarrassed..of course they loved you, Mighty. I am not at all surprised.

You are doing great. Be prepared for some pangs, but, keep going, sweetie.

I am smiling big over here.

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MIGHTY

Yeah you are doing it, getting passed all this crazy it!!!!

Girl, you can move on, you are D, you kids are in a good place with the D Everyone will have ups and downs, but spend less time in a negative place.

Yes, it would be great for H to be someplace else until thru this crisis and or made up his mind, but oh well my H is here, and I need to find the quiet peace within myself.

Mighty, I'm proud of YOU, everyone stitch is different, but I think yours was pretty hard, and you survived, you move thru it.

You gave me power even when you did not know it, by just sharing your story and moving thru it.

I sometimes said if mighty can do it so can I. And there are other stories here where I took the strength and used it for myself.

Stay strong, keep moving forward, dont' look back!


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Somebody is gettin' her GROOVE back!!!

I loved reading your post about your evening!!! WTG on allowing yourself to have fun and forget about other stuff!!!

Smiling big here, too!! grin

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