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2BHappy Offline OP
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Job
I'm trying to keep my emotions out of this as much as possible.

So even though I feel like I want to leave the cards for H to send. My mind tells me "forget that, let him figure it out"


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Another example for new improved better ME

S14 left item at home he needed for presentation.
H is home sleep
I told S14 contact your dad, he will need to bring it.
H is/was not happy , so I told H, look s14 forgot, it happens, you are home, you need to take it to school.

The old me, would have been worried panic and having a fit!

I was calm with both s14 and H.

I did not allow H to draw me into an argument about s14 forgetting or about H losing sleep and needing to get up to take item to school.

I did not fuss at s14 about leaving the item for his presentation, no need to do that now, s14 was already panic that he would not have it for his presentation. I will talk calmly to s14 once home about being more prepared in the future.

I have been really working on my reactions and my communication with my family.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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job Offline
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I think you did an excellent job communicating w/your son and your h. Your h was home, therefore, he was available to help your son out. This happened just the once and hopefully your son will do better in remembering his work.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Wondering if anyone has advice on how to respond to MCLer still having affair when they said it was over? Also, H just didn't bother to come home last night. Assume with OW. Again, is there a recommended response?


Me: 42 H: 40
M: 12
H moved out - 8/2015
I filed - 8/2015
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job Offline
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BW05,
I'm going to respond to your posting on your thread over in Newcomers.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job.


Me: 42 H: 40
M: 12
H moved out - 8/2015
I filed - 8/2015
Joined: Apr 2014
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Updates:

H did not ask me about Mother's day cards for his sisters, I did not offer.

H went out to purchase me an outfit he picked out for Mother's day- this was a change because he HATES shopping. He was asking me day before, what I wanted, I told him "don't worry" about it, he told me I was a great mom and deserved a gift.

Granddaughter bday this weekend, I ask H about how much he wanted to spend on a gift, he started getting huffy, so I told him nevermind dont worry about it. I went out and got a gift myself.

Sooo,,,when I realiazed I forgot grandson bday which was yesterday...

I did NOT remind H, but I did contact SD & grandson (felt a little guilty about not reminding H, I MIGHT remmind him today)

H has been sleeping in the basement again: here are some reasons he has given, he will say these things in passing when I'm leaving for work and he is on his way into bedroom (I HAVE NOT ask)"you keep it too cold in the room", "I like to sleep with TV on", "I have a bad tooth ache, going to sleep in lounger". H has been back in the basement for about 2 weeks now, not each day, but when he does come to bedroom its like 4am. No comments made from me to him, just an observation I'm making here.

On the weekends he comes to bed a little earlier like 2am.

Now he does work 2nd shift gets home around 12:30/1am, then eats and watches TV in basement?

Update on Me:
I'm doing better, still working hard on losing this weigh I gained by stress eating!!!!
S14 is doing great, ready for summer break.

I'm still TIRED of this mess, but keeping my mouth shut and focused on me and s14. Looking forward to summer.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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Happy,
The second shift is a difficult one and maybe he has to have some time to unwind, but the excuses are weak to me. If he's afraid of waking you up, then he should say so...but like kids, they don't know how to be honest and say the proper things. At this point, no one knows what is going on in his head. He may feel that he's getting to close to you again and wants some distance between you for a bit. Time will tell and he will eventually tell you what's going on down in that man cave.

Well, he did go out and do some Mother's Day shopping. I'm impressed! He's sputtering along...but at least he did do something he really hates to do...shopping.

I know you are tired of the situation, but it took a long time for him to implode and it's going to take time for him to heal and get back to living in the here and now. You are doing all of the right things by living your life and moving forward. You are giving him the much needed space and time to figure things out.

I'm sure your S14 is ready for summer. What are his plans for the break?

Happy, you are doing great. Keep your eyes on the finish line.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Hey Job,

Yeah I'm hanging in and keeping focus on me. I struggle with feeling lonely for male companionship, but I PRAY & GAL to get thru that.

S14 has football camp plans, and football conditioning. And of course XBOX, and basketball this summer. He is just very ready for 9th grade to be over:)
Trying to direct him to earning some money cutting grass for neighbors, and or working with a cleaning business.

We have family coming up for memorial day S14 and I are excited about that.

I also do not like all the questions from family gatherings when H is not there, usually now due to work, but that gets old to always have to say H is at work.

Wedding in July out of town.

Need to figure out what s14 wants to do for his 15th birthday:)

I'm planning to have a weekend of all the grandkids over to hang out, watch movies, visit zoo etc. Celebrate all the birthdays at once with cake and ice cream. I know I will enjoy it and soo will the kids.

I will tell H, but I will not allow entertain any excuses, H does not have to particiapte, this is something I want to do for the grandkids and myself.

I have home repairs plan for the summer, getting estimates and doing some of the work myself. Not waiting until H is ready, moving forward on these needed updates/repairs myself. Also prepared to pay for what I can without H help, I will tell him cost and if he contributes he does if not, I will budget for and get things done when I can.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
2
2BHappy Offline OP
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OK
So I remind H that it was grandson bday yesterday, H says Yes I know and I called him yesterday.

Then he forwards me a voice message from grandson telling us he loved us and thanks for calling.

SO this man knew (which is good, not sure if someone else told him) BUT what has me a little hot is that he did not tell me, and I wonder if he was going to share the voice mail if I had not said anything to him.

Now I know I did not tell him, but for reasons of DBing and not trying to be his mom and giving him his space,,,

why the hell did he not tell me.

LOL, how crazy and funny this all really is, I have to LOL to not scream yell and cry!!!!!

BACK to the dark, where its safe and quiet and drama free! I feel like I stuck my head out for a second and BAM got hit!

YES, I'm mad. I remind him of things related to family, and he did not even say a word about the call to grandson, and I dont know if he promised a gift or sent one already.

I do know I keep my cool when he said he already knew, and H paused for a while like I was going to say something, but I did not, I said oh good and got off the phone.

When he forwarded me the voice mail, I did not reply to H.

That was MY voicemail from the contact I made to SD and grandson, they were calling ME back from my message I left them.

Last edited by 2BHappy; 05/14/15 04:10 PM.

Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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