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2BHappy Offline OP
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I don't know how I should or can go about looking into his filed return? I filed mine the correct way, already have my refund back, if the IRS contacts me I will deal with it, I have nothing to hide. It's H who should be worried about having his taxes flagged!

I told him if we (I) sale this house then it would be to move into an apartment, his response was a nice apartment would cost as much as a MTG and he was thinking about a nice larger home. I told him when he finds this home let me know.

SS34 does everything very last minute, so I can see him doing his own taxes last minute. H may have had SS34 or someone else do it for him, who ever it was NOT filed correctly.

H called AGAIN and said he realizes he may have really messed up with the way he filed, said that when he takes all his information to the tax attorney he will make sure to point this return out so it can be corrected. Said we will talk about this more later on, I told him what else is there to say?

H is a mess with this tax issue. I have not seen any thing to show me that is he working on his tax issue.

He did tell me he has 10 exemptions on his payroll so basically no money is being taken from check for taxes.

It's really sad, I hope for his sake he really takes care of this IRS debt ASAP.

I told him I believe he is hiding stuff from me, and that he does not have to. I told him it is very very clear that we both want different things and this filing taxes without talking to me first is just another example. I told him that I'm TIRED Of all this BS.


He was trying to divert from his mess when he was blaming me for other things, I stopped that right away, told him to stay on track about what we are talking about now.

TRIED to avoid a M or R talk, but he keep digging at me, keep talking even though I tried to avoid it.

I hope this IRS stuff does not cause any issues for me, the previous tax debt was before we married and once we married I always filed our taxes, married filing separately and made sure I followed all the rules.

BUT now this return has been filed incorrectly and we are married, even though I know he did not include my name or ss# and I believe he filed single.

I have no idea why he did this, he never gets any money back even when due a refund it is kept to offset pass debt, so why even take the risk this time?

I'm going to try my best to stay on track with my plans, which was to go darker, detach more and allow H even more space to work on him self.

Any things H is doing or hiding will surface., I will be ready.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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We both know that you h should change his exemptions so that he doesn't have to pay so much at the end of the year. Ten exemptions is a lot to claim. He needs to drop it down to just one or two. He will then have funds coming out for his taxes during the year and it won't bite him as badly at the end of the year. He sounds like he's really worried now about his tax filing, as well he should be. He's got a lot to straighten out and hopefully the IRS will not bring you into the mess.

There are three ideas that come to my mind: 1) he didn't think when he filed and just went w/whatever the preparer suggested; or 2)he considers himself single (mlc land) even though you two are still living under the same roof; and 3) he didn't want you to know what he was doing. Any way you slice it, it is going to come back to bite him.

Do you need a larger home or is this a dream of his? Does he not like the home or the area?

Try to stay on track and allow him to stew over his mess. He's going to want to talk to you about it...but there's nothing you can do for him.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Job,

Nope we dont really need a bigger house, a bigger house would only be a want. And its something H even wanted when I purchased the house we have now, H always saw this house as a starter home.

Job, H said he was not thinking and he just filed cause it was deadline and he did not want to bother me with it. H said he did not think he just did it.

H called several more times from work, I only answer 2x cause I was very tired of the phone ringing. H again said he was sorry for not discussing with me first. The next call said he "just wanted to make sure I was ok" I said yeah I'm OK and told him to be careful at work.
NO sense in letting him know how I'm really thinking right now, no sense in showing him the cards I may need to play. He is making choices and moves like he is a single man, then I need to get even more prepared for the VERY real possibility that I may soon be a single woman

This reaction from H is making me even more suspicions, he does appear to be sorry and now very concerned about what might happen with his taxes.

But I wonder if there is something else that he is worried about, could he be worried about me telling him that I'm tired of all of this, or is he hiding something even bigger then the filing of his taxes?

Either way I know now to be even more prepared for what ever might turn up.

I need to NOT keep talking to him right now about anything even close to our M or R, I'm not sure what I might end up saying.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Happy,
I'm very sorry about what happened and I do hope that his situation will not affect you. I think you've handled things quite well.

I do hope this week will be a better one for you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Thanks Job,

I have also just this am reached out to a friend who knows alot about taxes, my friend works in commerical taxes now, to just get a feel for what I may need to be prepared for. I think I know the possible outcomes but I figure to run it by her to see if there is anything that I could be missing.

I have already done my research on if we D, and I think I will be prepared in that situation.

I'm going to remove some money from my savings and pay off my car, it will still leave me with emergency cash , I also dont want money sitting in my savings acct in case the IRS gets someway to put my H's tax debt on me, wondering if I need to pull all my money from savings until H works out this IRS issue and or I know I will not be responsible in any way for his tax debts!

I have been sooo very careful with filing of our taxes since we been married, and now I do not want to have any issues because of this!!!

Anyone here who works with Taxes, state or IRS and or know what I should prepare for, please let me know. Or had something like this happen and what they had to do?


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 813
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Frantic calls from H

The newest grandbaby was born last night, I had been receiving updates and pictures from SS34 and GF all night early morning. Baby and Mom are both healthy!!

H seemed surprised that I alredy knew the baby had arrived and was shocked I had pictures already. H had forwarded me a picture I responded back I know and sent him some pictures. H said who sent you them pictures I told him I was included on the org text with all the other family members. And then the mom sent me more pictures directly to me.

He then wanted to again go over what we had gotten or was getting for the baby, I told him I got the couple outfits as agreed (we talked about this in March)and he was supposed to get diapers- NOT, so he was like can you please get the diapers,,and wanted to get a couple more outfits etc.


He then needed to know AGAIN what hospital and the GF last name so he could maybe stop by on his way to work IF he can get his car washed first (WTF).

I really really wanted to tell him I had no idea of the last name, or hospital, but I went ahead and told him.

He then started in on what did they need, I told him CALL YOUR SON AND ASK HIM, I have no idea what they need or want for the baby!!!

I told him AFTER he talks to SS34 about what they still need or want, then to send me a text and I will be happy to pick the items up.

He wanted me to go to hospital, I guess as his representative, I told him I was not (I already told GF & SS34 that I would see the baby once they came home. I told H hope he finds time to go to hospital, he very quickly got off the phone.

WTF


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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I had to shake my head on one thing he told you. What does washing the car have to do with visiting the GF and newborn? They certainly won't be seeing the car today. LOL! You can see where his priorities are.

It's nice that you are going to help him out and get the diapers and a couple of more outfits. His son and GF will appreciate them.

He really is helpless, isn't he? He can't even go to the store and purchase things for this little baby. It's more important to wash his car and do whatever he wants. Shame on him!

I'm glad the mother and baby are doing well.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I also laughed at the car washing response. I have heard similar weirdness from H. A few times now, he has TM to see if it was a good time to talk to S. I will respond yes, and he has said, ok, gotta use the bathroom real quick, then I will call. This has happened more than once! Lol. They really are in a different world. I guess we just have to laugh and shake it off smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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2BHappy Offline OP
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Job, M4

H has an obsession with washing his car, always had.
So it was not a huge surprise to me, but becuase he was focused on washing the car and then only then going to see new baby IF he had time, that was the crazy part to me.

History: H grew up very poor and as an adult always felt like his appearance, his car, his home is a refection on him (in some ways this is true for everyone) but H really obsesses on this and always had. Has always gone out of his way to make sure he dressed and looked his best, usually very neat around the house, keeps his car clean always. I hope now he is working on his INSIDES.

H did go see baby, he had SS's GF take 2 pictures and text to me with him holding the baby and get this H had a lil smile on his face.

fast forward to 2am this morning, H comes home from work and wakes me up to tell me he went to see the baby (now I know he had GF take and send me the pics) I told him I know and that was very nice, he then wanted to talk about the items we were getting the baby,,,he then lingered at end of bed like something else was on his mind, something he wanted to say,,,or maybe that was just me in my "why the heck did you wake me at 2am when I have to get up at 5am to tell me something I already know" mind.

I feel like there is a shift happening, and it's either being caused by how Im reacting to H, or H moving into another phase or maybe a lil of both. I do notice something cannot put my finger right on it...

Now when something happens that I do not like and I let H know he is very apologetic (after BD, MY thoughts or feelings would have been totally ignore.

H also seems calmer, not wearing as much tension or stress on his face (other then this last issue with the filing of taxes). BUT I did noticed in the text picture sent, H looks much older.

I think, maybe H may be "feeling" more guilt about things, and he does kinda respond like he is a child whoes mother is upset with him.

I know I have been acting some as his mother before and after BD, and I'm working on that going forward, especially since Im detaching more and NOT jumping in to save him.

Job, Vets, anyone...is this the possibility of a new phase H is moving into, and if so what should I be on the look out for, I need to be as prepared as possible.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Happy,
I am glad to read that he went to see the GF and the baby. I'm sure his car looked great too! LOL! Maybe he had to wake you up to tell you about the visit because he not only wanted to share the news w/you, but also get an "atta boy" pat on the back for going. Whatever the reason, I'm glad he went.

What you may be sensing is his reaction to the changes you are making or maybe things in his life have calmed down. I wouldn't worry too much about it because tomorrow he could return to the tense version of himself. There is no way to prepare yourself at this time for any changes that he makes because no one knows what he'll do or say next.

Best advice I can give you right now is to stay the course, continue working on you and keeping moving forward. Oh, yeah, my favorite...keep the focus on you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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