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Thanks Wonka,

For me, some things are so simple in hindsight but it takes another's perspective to see what should be obvious. Having kids is a big plus in communicating as it is a conversation starter to see how they've been etc. I'm sure there are plenty of other neutral topics for others to use.

You make a valid point about detachment. Being at the point where every utterance from your WAW doesn't have you swaying one way or the other surely has to be the way to go.


BD - 30TH JAN 2015
S - 30TH JAN 2015
PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014)
CONTINUAL TALK OF D
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T: 10yrs
M: 4.5yrs
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Hi new here. What homework assignment are you referring to? Thanks!

Edit -
The one posted on your thread! - Cadet

Last edited by Cadet; 04/16/15 07:54 PM. Reason: answer

Cheers,
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Desperate for some advice.. I'm in a committed 2 year relationship, but we don't live together yet. Now suddenly his feelings "has changed" and "he doesn't feel the same" and so on.

We (mostly him) has asked for time and space to think things through and that he doesn't want to be persuaded into going on with the relationship. My reply was that I had no plan to persuade him, I want him to want to stay..

Do you think these rules, pulling away, not contacting him but wait for him, and so on would be the best option for me as well? Haven't spoken for 24 hours now and it's really getting to me.

Don't think other woman is involved..
Thankful for ANY advice!!! I need it bad..


Hope it's ok that I ask even though were not married..




Last edited by Cadet; 08/16/16 09:56 AM. Reason: combine posts

M: 44 H: 43
ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect.
"This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15
Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15
It's over: 9/5
Tulo #2560524 04/24/15 11:20 AM
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Great set of rules. They seem mostly to apply to LBS doing LRT. My situation is not yet there but potentially could get there.in such a case is the advice to follow all the rules anyway or can some be ignored to start with.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
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M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
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Next R chat Aug'17
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Which ones would you choose to ignore?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: Sandi2
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.

I would like to rewrite this one to be

Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do.


Point is believe Actions over Words.


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Originally Posted By: Cadet
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.

I would like to rewrite this one to be

Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do.

Point is believe Actions over Words.
Cadet,

I see your point. Sandi, what do you think about Cadet's suggestion?

Thank you both!

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
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Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
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Rereading the rules there are none that I have real reason to question. If I come across one specifically that feels inappropriate to my situation I'll ask about it in my post.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
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Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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Quote:
Cadet,

I see your point. Sandi, what do you think about Cadet's suggestion?

Thank you both!

Bob


No problem here.


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What about the rules in regards to the WW filing for divorce and maintaining her affair?

Is it too late to apply all of these rules or is that one of the of the times where it makes the most sense.

Not pursuing, saying I love you, asking out on dates seems like no brainers at this late in the stage.

When they have filed - is it too late to have these 37 rules still make an impact?


M-33
W-33
S-11, S-8
M-11, T-14
BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18
I moved out 5/23
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