W Walked Away 5 Mos Ago/Filed for D - Pt 2

[Bob723]

Hi Bob - don't worry about the 'naughty list!' Who knows why she's keeping that...

To convince herself she needs to be apart from you?
To hurt you?
Because she loves keeping lists?

I would just let it be water off a duck's back and fluff out your tail feathers..

Keeping horrid little lists like that isn't the way to live a joyful life, and I think it is sad for your W that she is doing that. She has her own reasons - not ours to know.

Keep moving forwards Bob - you're doing great!

Hi Toots!

You are absolutely correct. I think it is sad that she is doing that, too.

How are you doing today?

Thanks for following up on my question.

Bob

[Bob723]

Hey there, buddy! How was your weekend?

Hey Wonka, my friend, thank you so much for asking! It was kind of lonely but I kept as busy as possible (I was on this forum a lot and it helped). My Blackhawks are up 2 games to 1 over Nashville, so I'm happy about that! I am a huge hockey fan.

I still haven't made contact with my WAW. I wouldn't want you slapping your forehead and hurting yourself.

How was your weekend?

Bob

[Bob723]

I got this text from a good friend of mine, Who knows our situation very well. He had my wife's name in there but I changed it to W, otherwise it is a copy and paste. I thought it was very nice of him to say and I found it encouraging. Yet I still don't think I want to give up on our M. Okay, here it is:

The most amazing thing happening, Bob, is you are addressing your personal issues. You are taking needed medication and you are learning more about yourself and how to handle interpersonal relationships. All of this is going to help you lead a happier, healthier, more balanced life. If your W is around to see your growth and change she will benefit from them.
If she truly wants out of the marriage there may well be someone new out there who will embrace the happier and improved Bob. Please keep the focus on helping yourself. You are the only one whose behavior you can change. I hope you come out of counseling with a stronger sense of who you are, what you have to offer and a commitment to maintain the strides you gain. My advice is to "keep on keeping on.” I wish you well and hope within another six months you are in a healthier, happier place in your life.

[mahhhty]

Bob,
I think that perfectly captures the journey you are on. It was very nice of your friend to support you in this way. Live the Serenity Prayer. Live your life. Do not mind read or pursue your W. Take responsibility for you, do not make excuses or provide explanations. Create a clear picture of the person you want to be and the life you want to live, then don't ever stop improving...

[Bob723]

Bob,
I think that perfectly captures the journey you are on. It was very nice of your friend to support you in this way. Live the Serenity Prayer. Live your life. Do not mind read or pursue your W. Take responsibility for you, do not make excuses or provide explanations. Create a clear picture of the person you want to be and the life you want to live, then don't ever stop improving...

Hey mahhhty,

Thanks for checking in. How are you? Do you feel like you are moving forward?

Well, thank you as well for supporting me ever since I've been on this board. I don't think anyone has invested more time in my sitch than you.

Good advice, my friend. You are one of the best of the best on this board that I pray for nightly by name (nickname). I don't know if it will help, but it can't hurt, right?

Take care mahhhty and all.

Bob

[Wonka]

Bob,

Wasn't that nice of your friend to text that to you? Sometimes we don't realize how much progress we make until an outsider makes some type of comment. Keep it up!

My weekend was good...busy with errands then vegged out in my jammies on Sunday. A rare day of relaxation.

I am going to suggest that you reach out W next week with a short, brief text asking how her health is and you're keeping her in your prayers. Short and sweet.

[Bob723]

Bob,

Wasn't that nice of your friend to text that to you? Sometimes we don't realize how much progress we make until an outsider makes some type of comment. Keep it up!

My weekend was good...busy with errands then vegged out in my jammies on Sunday. A rare day of relaxation.

I am going to suggest that you reach out W next week with a short, brief text asking how her health is and you're keeping her in your prayers. Short and sweet.

Wonka,

It was nice of him! It is also nice to hear from you! I'm happy for you that your weekend was good and you had a day to relax. We all need that sometime.

This is a little "eerie..."

I am still at work but had a few spare minuts and logged in to ask if you (I don't want you slapping your forehead - LOL) or anyone else thought I should make brief contact with my W soon. You came to mind first . . . and here you are for me!

I won't reach out to her yet. I'm tempted, but I will continue to "chillax."

Bob - taking things 1 day at a time

[Bob723]

All:

It's almost 1:30 AM in the Midwest and "my" Blackhawks won a 3OT thriller over the Nashville Predators 3-2. They are now up in their best of 7 series 3-1.

I jumped so high when the game winner was scored! It was a little bittersweet. Normally, my W would've done her best to stay up and watch it with me. If she couldn't hang in there, she would've heard my "OMG, Hawks win" when it was over.

But my glass is half full - Hawks Win!

Good night all.

Bob

[Bob723]

It is my youngest D's b-day today - she is 19.

Wonka, I am SO thankful that you suggested I try contacting my W next week. If case anyone forgot (it is in my signature) we each have 3 children from previous marriages -- yes, the Brady Bunch! LOL

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking of texting my W today to say something like "I can't believe D is 19 today." Why would I even want to? Thinking it was something light, easy and fun. As I'm writing this, I have a feeling my W remembers her Step-D's b-day. I would've posted my idea on this forum first, but Wonka "beat me to the punch."

Journaling is helping. In doing so, I realized that my W probably would've felt like it was an excuse for me to contact her. Honestly, she'd be right.

So, you all are helping me more than you may realize!!

Thanks so much.

Bob

[mahhhty]

Bob,
I am going to play devil's advocate on the text idea. I think you need to always prepare ahead of time the best and worst case scenario.

Best Case: You send the text. She says thank you. Conversation ends or perhaps continues a few more cordial texts.

Worst Case: You send the text. She doesn't respond.

Even Worse: You send the text. She says thank you. Conversation continues and in the process, you pursue her, say something she doesn't like, or she just straight out disses you, and says something mean, "You will never change" or "This is why I left"

I think sending a nice text is fine, showing support in a positive way. However, BE PREPARED. She is a victim and you are the devil (no offense, you know I'm here for you). So sometimes not responding or cutting it short is appropriate and the best course of action.