Thank you both very much for your support and checking on my sitch! I feel a little better already knowing you care.
I was raised Catholic myself and wouldn't really consider myself a "religious" person either. I hardly ever go to church, but going thru this separation and D nonsense, I feel has pulled me closer to God.
How are the two of you doing?
Again, thank you both and I hope you have a wonderful Sunday.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
No word from my WAW since Tuesday (a venom-filled text about our taxes) and I am staying dark!
If I hear from her, I'll post her VM or text but will not respond.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hey Bob! Sorry your recent contact with your W was so venom filled. Seems like a lot of people in the situation do get pulled closer to God.
I know my W was never religious but she wanted to be. I never supported her enough to do so though. Now even though I feel like I can forgive her in the most religious sense of the word, she doesn't seem to be able to do the same.
I wonder if the closer to God the WAS is the easier it is to get to reconciliation with them.
Hopefully the venom levels will drop off over future interactions with your W.
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
Stay strong Bob. You will be happy again. Take care. Rd
Rd,
What would I do without you and all the others on this site?
Take care, too!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hey Bob! Sorry your recent contact with your W was so venom filled. Seems like a lot of people in the situation do get pulled closer to God.
I know my W was never religious but she wanted to be. I never supported her enough to do so though. Now even though I feel like I can forgive her in the most religious sense of the word, she doesn't seem to be able to do the same.
I wonder if the closer to God the WAS is the easier it is to get to reconciliation with them.
Hopefully the venom levels will drop off over future interactions with your W.
Hey Miman2!
Thank you for taking time out of your day to reply and the kind comment. You have a very good question....I wonder if the closer to God the WAS is the easier it is to get to reconciliation with them?
I sure don't know the answer, but just taking a wild guess I would think so. My WAW doesn't believe in God. But, of course, none of us know for sure if it would make it easier to reconcile.
Although it's been 6 months to the day my W walked out, I am not giving up on our M and I have faith in God that he will lead me (us) in the right direction.
Take care of yourself, please.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Question for anyone out there, but especially the ladies:
I don't think I mentioned that the last time my WAW and I spoke (she called me last Sunday) she said she was "keeping a list of the bad behaviors I developed" so she wouldn't forget. I can't remember why it came up. I didn't respond to her at all.
It shocked me so much I'm just remembering to post it. Talk about a cold heart...wow.
So my question: Does my W (remember, she does suffer from MS/depression) sound like she's being vindicitve and trying to hurt me, or it that just my take on it?
Thank you.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
So, smothering, needy, overly critical, demanding, and you trivialized her perspective/took away her voice. I can relate to some of these. RD is right about perception currently your wife only sees you as this person. She doesn't see you as the person who is supportive, caring, thoughtful and compassionate that we see.... Why? Go back and read the text exchange in the other thread... The one where I responded to each piece. You were all of these things and more and you didn't even know it.
Hello mahhhty,
I finally got around to looking back and found your post where you commented on a text I sent my W a few weeks ago. Here it is:
That text was PURSUING HER and it was NOT NICE.
We both have a part in this divorce. Seriously. You said that? Pursuing! By you saying it, she will never have to face this reality. B/C you are proving her RIGHT!
It's actually really sad for me to hear that you don't sound very happy. oh that will make her feel better. NOT!
Maybe I wasn't the entire cause of all your unhappiness? Couldn't the MS, ruptured disks, and migraine headaches have something to do with it too? I did my best to support a spouse with many physical ailments--something you'll probably never understand. SERIOUSLY!!!! CONDESCENDING! MEAN! AND ONE SIDED! Guess what the flip side of this is that YOU have NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR HER! For better or for worst. Right and Wrong DO NOT MATTER! You are digging yourself a hole!
I can look myself in the mirror and say that I did my best. What was the point of this statement? Who are you trying to convince? You or her?
I am still willing to try to work things out between us but it seems very obvious you made up your mind a long time ago. SHE LEFT! SHE MADE HER DECISION. Being MEAN and then saying this... What did you think would happen?
Silly me Condescending!!!! She is an adult. Treat her like one. Perhaps you should treat her as a coworker at this point.
I thought if I got the proper help you'd look back and be compassionate and understanding and realize that that wasn't the true Bob around the time you left. That is your game plan and you just told her it.
The great part of all of this is I feel so much better about myself and look forward to a wonderful future--with or without you. Do you? Really? You are a better Bob and feel so much better with your life? I would assume that you are lying.
Take care, please. Do you really mean that? Or where you being mean?
BOB - there are people on the message board, including me, that post their text messages and emails prior to reaching out. The reason for this is.... "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - ALBERT EINSTEIN. Meaning that the people who cause their problems, need to think differently, and not be haphazard and "off the cuff."
Since that post of yours, I feel I have made some progress, as it really got me thinking in a different way, seeing things thru her eyes. And yes, I now see why my W perceives me as she does.
I needed a little "kick in the behind" and you gave it to mw - for my own good.
Thanks sir! I hope you are doing better.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi Bob - don't worry about the 'naughty list!' Who knows why she's keeping that...
To convince herself she needs to be apart from you? To hurt you? Because she loves keeping lists?
I would just let it be water off a duck's back and fluff out your tail feathers..
Keeping horrid little lists like that isn't the way to live a joyful life, and I think it is sad for your W that she is doing that. She has her own reasons - not ours to know.
Keep moving forwards Bob - you're doing great!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
