I do not think we are in piecing at all. One of the vets would have to chime in on this one. Although she has said the things I mentioned above, there is no commitment back to the marriage. She is going back and forth every single time and spends a good amount trying to justify what she is doing at this point.
For instance, last night at the exchange, there was a little bit of a talk. She now likes her apartment, job, and the life she has up there. It is very easy to enjoy life when you do not have our child over the weekend as well. She is fully behind on a car payment and is stressing about money, because she can't balance it all. I see her arguing with herself as to whether or not she should come back. She is having a very hard time having any sort of hope.
Then, she wishes there was more time prior to court so that she could think about things. I had to explain that I cannot postpone the court date without a full commitment back to the marriage and us making progress.
I'm working hard to not mind read what is going on. It just seems like if she would listen to herself, she would make the commitment back. I do not have any hopes at all at this point and will just keep moving along.
Last edited by Squiggy; 04/27/1508:52 PM.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
You are definitely not in the piecing stage. Your W is reflecting on herself and her choices. I think she's starting to see the contrast between living alone and having the family unit as whole.
Then, she wishes there was more time prior to court so that she could think about things. I had to explain that I cannot postpone the court date without a full commitment back to the marriage and us making progress.
What's going on with the Court and why it can't be postponed?
We have a predispositional hearing in June. I would not feel comfortable with my own actions to postpone without her commitment to work on things. Also, it would be me not holding firm on and devalue my boundary.
I made the decision that I would not live in an open marriage, and I intend to stick to that. Although she has said the A is done, she has not shown any proof of it (believe none of what they say...).
Last edited by Squiggy; 04/27/1509:53 PM.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Yet you want to stick with the predispositional hearing (which I assume is a prelude to a D) because you don't want to devalue your boundary...of what??
It seems to me that you are cutting off YOUR OWN nose just to prove a point. Do you see how silly that is?!
Wonka, I am happy you are willing to give out 2x4s! I wanted you to know that before I respond.
I would prefer not to D, but I have accepted the fact that it may happen.
The predispositional hearing will also determine temporary custody of S5, which is a big thing. Also, even though she has stated that she has ended the A, I have no proof of it. It is going solely off of words she has said, and she has denied it in the past as well. If it is still going on, then I would be agreeing to still stay in an open marriage.
Now, my logic could be flawed, and I am not sure of what other option I would have right now to move this forward in the right direction.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Thanks for the information about the process...so it seems it is not a full D paperwork, but sorting out what seems to be a separation agreement, no?
Originally Posted By: Squiggy
Then, she wishes there was more time prior to court so that she could think about things. I had to explain that I cannot postpone the court date without a full commitment back to the marriage and us making progress.
A lot of the times there are fits and starts in the reconciliation phase (please note that I didn't say piecing here) as the WAS slowly disengages from the OW/OM. It is unrealistic to have them to be ALL in the M at one fell swoop. It has been the norm in many success stories here.
There will be many steps forward and twice more backward steps...kinda like the Ladder and Chutes game.
I think what you are struggling with right now is a lack of patience on your part. Yes?
It is the start to the divorce process. My state requires a 60 cooling off period. this hearing would start that period, since custody will be an issue.
Patience was an issue. I guess it still is to some extent. It can be a struggle when she is going back and forth, and I am aware of that internal struggle. Fighting the roller coaster is difficult at times.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
