I'm holding on, Lord knows I'm holding on. This is the hardest test that God's has given me. I feel that I'm failing.
She knows how to push my buttons and gets me hot, but I slow down collect myself.
Then she says something outrages, I'm not cheating I'm at peace with God, and I can sleep at night. Our marriage is Just a piece of paper! Wow! How to respond, no word Just hang up and go pray and cry in the room. It's all I can do.
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
Junior- you are learning quickly. Just know there is no short-cut. So even if you think you see signs of your old wife, changes are, if it is in the near future, it won't last long. I'm not saying that to be disheartening, I'm just keeping it real.
Now, that doesn't mean I wish it that way for you at all.... just hang tight, buddy. I get how you feel. Just release some breath, because I'll be awhile. You have been given excellent advice, and I see you are heeding it. That's good.
She will try to push you buttons. Don't let it get you. Harder said then done. However, once you start to get your power... you will like it. Don't let her see it bother you. I mean it. Things in the short-term, you may question. However, when you look back, you will be glad you didn't bit what she was trying to feed you.
Hang in there. It's a though ride. But you will learn things you didn't even know existed and be grateful... in some weird way.
Words words words - that is all they are, don't take them as real and truth, your w is lashing out and you are the closest person to her.
Think of her as a teenager, all the emotions they go through at that time; one minute they are down, spewing at you that you are the worst parent in the world, they hate you and wish you were dead - and the next minute they are cuddled up with you laughing and so happy you are their parent. Its a highly confusing (and sometimes volatile) time for both teen and parent - but you ride it out as best you can, hoping they eventually come out of it and back to you as the wonderful child (w) you used to know.
Originally Posted By: junior1
Normally she is a person that likes to plan and make sure everything goes to plan. Lately she just been doing everything with out thinking. This is so not her.
This is so not her ......remember that.
She will do the opposite, say the opposite and be with the opposite person to you, because what she has isn't working, so why replace it with the same? Think about it, it makes sense.
You will be really fed up of hearing this by the time your done junior - but you really need to start to detach from the situation. You are taking everything personally (we all do it, its a normal reaction), what she says and is doing is coming from a place of pain and confusion within her, you cannot fix this, you cannot make her better, she has to work this out on her own - its heartbreaking and it hurts, but you need and have to let her go. The more you react and push the worse she will be.
Lets get this back on you - focus on you. What sort of things do you like to do? Do have have a good network of friends and family? Give us an insight to who junior is.
So today I'm more lost than ever! She took her self of the bank account, wants the phone put in just her name so she can pay a separate bill, and told me to go sign a paper on the leasing office to take myself of the apartment! Is this normal or am I the one that's in La La Land! I told her this is hard that I'm the one giving it 100% but she gave up along time ago. She said that she been telling me she was done but I never wanted to talk. So she gave up. I'm so confused and more hurt then ever, wth! Am I losing it, do I listen or don't believe what she said??!!!!!!!!!!
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
Is it normal? Well ... around here I doubt anyone even flinched... so yeah .. welcome to MLC.
My W did not take herself off the account, she just emptied it, total cash withdrawal so she could use that money for her new place that she leased without me knowing about it, then moved out later that month.
Here is the deal, what I learned in my experience with my MLCr: In her mind she was done, there was no words I could have said, and nothing I could have done at that moment .. this is why its called a crisis, all I could do and what I did ... I looked at myself and started making some changes, I had to or I would have ended up in a very cold and dark place and for my sons sake I knew I could not do that.
You can no longer control what your W does any more than you can control if its raining or sunny outside. All you can do at this point is follow the DB tips and tricks, start making changes in yourself, NOT to win her back, but because there are things you need to fix. Do not pursue nor look needy ... I get the vibe that you are a little bit here. Get out... GAL ... take a break from her for a bit and get yourself right. This is a LONG process and if you dont watch it ... it will wreck you.
Junior, What your wife is doing right now is very, very typical of someone in crisis. In her mind, she has been done for quite a while and what she is doing is showing you and the world that she's moving on and wants to be independent and separate from you and the marriage. So, yes, she's done for now. No one knows what the future holds, but you have to let her go to figure things out for herself.
Please do not try to reason w/her because she's emotionally irrational right now. The more you try to reason and/or convince her that what she's doing isn't right, the more determined she will be to continue down the path of MLC.
Let her go for now. Keep the focus on you and your children and what your accounts! If she wants things in her name, by golly, she will be paying those bills herself.
CaliGuy has given you excellent advice. Go back and re-read his postings. Also, take some time to educate yourself on MLC and depression. There is a lot of useful and valuable information on this forum that will help you better understand what your wife is going through. You have to learn not to take thus stuff personally because it's really all about her.
You didn't break her, therefore you can fix her. But most importantly, you can only control what you do and how you react to what is going on w/her. Again, let her go, continue moving forward. If you dwell on her and what's she's doing, it will drive you nuts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Today I get a call from my sis n law, she needed to borrow money. So I did lend her some, it was for my nieces. She asked me how I was doing, I said I'm good. Just keeping myself busy and taking care of my health. She opened up and started telling me about by W. That she is completely losing it, acting like a child, and a teenager, getting upset when people tell her things, and the way she's acting is not her. That my boys are upset that they understand if she was unhappy with the marriage, fine that we separate, but not go and be with another man right away and she's not taking care of them like a mom. She to busy getting attention and so much into her looks that is getting scary. She's starting to shun people out, and her drinking had gotten worse. Her family is starting to see things, and what can they do? I know all I can do is stand back and take care of my kids. I don't know what to tell my sis n law. Now I'm the one listening.
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
All that ^^^^ yup my W was the same (minus the drinking ... however that too is not all that uncommon). As far as the family goes, that's a tough spot, I said my peace but I never gave them any information, I would suggest you do the same because it will only come back to bite you if your W thinks you are talking to them about her .... this will be viewed as "You are turning my family against me" .... if you already have not received "You are turning my children against me"
What GAL's are you doing? Again .. this time is to rebuild you .. let your W spin for a bit.
I've been looking to find the different types mlc' s. Someone told me that mime might be a High Energy Ml'er. Just trying to figure out the difference between them. Thanx guys!
Junior D18, S16, S15 , S12 Gs15months M moved out March/15 2 days later wanted divorce. OM so called friends since Nov/14. April 22/15 they are now more than friends.
