I am brand new on this site and been doing lots of reading, but could use encouragement. My situation is that my husband left almost 2 weeks ago. We have been having problems for over a year. My husband kept telling me that he was unhappy and felt like he has been missing something, but doesn't know what. I have been ill for a couple of years, having been diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. I was so wrapped up in my illness I didn't see or maybe didn't care how unhappy he was. I was struggling with what felt to me a death sentence. My husband barely came with me to doctor's appointments and generally didn't seem to care how scared and over-whelmed I was. I really resented that. I started low dose chemo in January and finally decided to go on sick leave from work because I was so sick. This whole time, every few months we would have a blow out about how unhappy he was and that he wanted to leave. Three days into my sick leave, after being pretty uncaring and completely unresponsive to any attempt by me for affection he again said he wanted to leave. He told me we were not compatible and should have never gotten married and that he felt he settled when he married me. I lost it and told him to leave that day. He did! We have had little contact since then. He wouldn't answer any of my text for days where of course (yes I know very wrong) I begged and pleaded with him to come home. The two times we talked, once he said there was still love, but love is not enough and the other that there is no us and never will be again. When I did see him, he hugged me and held me and kissed me, but again said that the love had not gone, but was not enough. He is renting a room for the next two months and then wants to get an apartment. Most of his stuff is still here. I packed it into the garage. His animals (guinea pigs) are still here although he said he had found someone to take them temporarily. I have stopped texting him, he has text me twice. Once to give me his new number and to tell me to contact our insurance agent. We have no children together and have only been married for 3 1/2 years. What do I do? I'm sorry for this long post and still trying to figure out all he lingo.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Thank You! I have ordered the books and they should be here any day now. I'm trying to be patient and am working on my health. Eating not so much, still don't have the stomach for it.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
This site has been a God send for me. It gives me hope! I believe in my vows and what my marriage to work. I can't say I want my marriage back, because my marriage was not in the greatest shape and my husband, just like me, has a lot of work to do. I want a better marriage with the man I love. In reading through many posts I have noticed that there are not many in my situation. My husband and I do not have children together. I have adult children. Once he moves his stuff out there is no need for him to contact me ever again, until divorce proceedings start. He hasn't been evil or mean to me, just very cold. Even before he left he was cold and indifferent. Hanging on to hope. He did tell me that the love is still there. Sigh!! GLA...working on it
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Hi Diane. Sorry your here but now you are it's time to put the DBIng into place
I'm sure you have read other people's sitchs so you know the basics.
Besides your illness ( which is HUGE) what else do you think was wrong in your marriage ? The biggest lesson I learnt on here is that you can only fix you and by fixing of improving you there is a chance it could help draw your H back to the M
Stay strong and post often. Try to follow sitchs that mirror your own and offer support to others. The vets are amazing but in the ordinary folk like myself can offer support
I am trying to GAL. I'm going to the gym every day. I'm eating healthy. I'm off work and that helps a lot in the way I feel physically.
Yesterday, I bought new running shoes to use at the gym and made appointments for both cars to have their snow tires taken off and the summer tires put on.
I know that these are little things, but they are huge for me. For the last year and a half I could just barely drag myself to work (40-50 hrs a week). I never got anything else done. Housework and anything else suffered. Including my relationship with my husband. I think I realize that I was and maybe still am suffering from depression. I think an appointment with a counsellor is in order.
As far as finding other peoples situations. I have found maybe only 2 or 3 where there are no children involved. Anyone else out there like me?
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
My first marriage dissolved when I left him for another man. We married very young, I was 20 and he was 23. I was pregnant and thought I was doing the right thing by getting married. We parted amicably for the most part ten years later. We both had been having affairs for years (open marriage). Not something I'm proud off and never really wanted. I had a long term relationship with the man I left my marriage for, for 8 years. He became involved more and more in drugs. Became very violent. It ended very badly. I was single for 2 years before I met my husband. I was very proud of myself and was doing quite well on my own. Raising my children and taking care of my house. I met my husband and fell in love immediately. He was sensitive, kind, caring man. So unlike my exes. It was almost a role reversal. I was the strong one and he was not.
My husband was never married. No children. He had a long term girlfriend that wanted to get married and have children. He broke it off with her because he does not want to have kids. Perfect I thought. No baggage, no exes, no kids. How wrong I was. He became like my third child that I had to take care of.
My son is no longer at home, but my daughter still lives with me. There are issues with her and I am trying my best to deal with. This always caused problems. He said I was a bad parent, because I wanted to take care of my kids. I know I need my kids to be more independant and am trying to enforce that.
Other issue we had was my animals, I have 5 cats, a dog and his 2 Guinea Pigs. When I became Sick, I could not keep the house clean to his liking and work full time. The house suffered. No one would help me much. Only if I asked and I hate to ask anyone for help.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
As far as finding other peoples situations. I have found maybe only 2 or 3 where there are no children involved. Anyone else out there like me?
Hi Diana. Offhand, ForeverYoung comes to mind. FY and his wife have no kids but a have couple of beloved pets like you, and are making very very slow but steady progress since his bomb about 3 years ago. His threads can be read at:
