Winhamn intro - D in process, WAW

[Winhamn]

Bottom line is she has not backed off her decision, and likely will not any time soon.

Ya know, I really need to try to keep this in mind....

[pilot]

Chin up buddy. One thing I really did not grasp in the beginning was the amount of time involved. I was still looking or hoping for that quick fix. But its not going to happen. So use this time wisely and work on yourself. So if and when the opportunity comes down the road when your W does want to work on the M, you will be in a much better place, and much more attractive H to her.

[Winhamn]

Here's another small and probably insignificant thing:

Do I say bye when I leave the house? It seems so rude not to.

She will leave w/o saying goodbye. She seems to pretty much ignore me when I'm leaving. It just feels awkward.

[pilot]

Then dont say bye. Being polite is not going to win her back at this moment. I am friendly and civil with my W when I see her. I always have my PMA, I smile, I joke. But I dont tell her bye. I tell the kids I love them if I am leaving them with her. I say bye to them.

If she is not saying bye and ignores you, and you are constantly standing there saying bye to a brick wall, it may very well come across as pursuing. You can be friendly, you can be upbeat, and you can wear a big smile. Remember, you want her to know you are going to be ok with out her. You are moving on with your life and you are happy. And she will wonder why...

[Winhamn]

I'm not trying to be obtuse.

The times she points to where she was very unhappy with our marriage are times when I would retreat into my own shell, and do stuff like not talk to her and leave without saying bye, etc.

I feel like I run the risk of compounding my problems by repeating that behavior.

However, at those times, I would also be giving off a massive negative F U vibe.

So now, as I'm trying to give off nice happy type vibes, and otherwise having pleasant interactions with her, I guess the walk out the door with no goodbye is probably not the same thing.

Thanks for helping me to talk through it.

[Winhamn]

Feeling very overwhelmed, sad, empty right now

[Winhamn]

To follow that up, I just got an email from her saying she met with a lawyer today and signed my petition.

I have a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow.

She wants to talk about the stuff the lawyer said. Asked if I'd prefer email or face to face.

I'd prefer face to face but I'm not really sure I can handle it without breaking down.

[Cadet]

Feeling very overwhelmed, sad, empty right now

Sorry you are feeling bad - keep posting here.
And we will try to help you.

It is quite natural to feel this way right now.

[Winhamn]

I feel utterly defeated

[pilot]

We all have felt that. That is why GAL is so important. It is crucial to your own well being to get out and keep busy. Do things you enjoy. Maybe things you could not do much of during the marriage. GAL helps to detach. And detachment is the key to this game.