I am sorry, I know how hard that is, I have been through it. I was very honest with my son. I told him I didn't want this and that I was not giving up on us or our family. He still hears that from time to time, it's been 20 months now.
Stay open to conversation and questions with them, they may come up in the next few days. Also, stay honest. Kids are very aware of their parents emotions, it's ok to tell them when you are feeling sad. They don't want to be told stories or kept in the dark, I believe honesty is the healthiest option. It lets them know the emotions they are feeling are normal and ok.
It will be ok, stay their rock
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Jer sorry you had to go through that, I was not here when I went through it but reading that took me back almost 2 years when I was in that family meeting about how Mommy and Daddy were going to take a break. I was more pi$$ed off about it than anything and really figured 2 months tops .... man .. how wrong and how off was I??
Originally Posted By: Jer2911
One observation -- she was completely expressionless while she was telling the kids. Once they started crying and asking questions she acted like none of it affected her... Not sure if it's because she is just that detached from her own emotions or if that was just her way of dealing with the pain we inflicted on our own children in that moment this morning. Who knows what was going on in her head... In my heart and head I was falling apart while seeing their pain... Horrible experience.
I had that one too, was like we were at a business deal and she had absolutely no connection to S nor me .... then when some of the depression would set in later you at least see some sort of emotion, but it would lift and back to that Fake-Happy as I would call it in my head ... on the outside she most likely appeared happy to those who did not know her, but to those close we all knew better. Its a strange characteristic with MLC thats for sure. Just be on alert, that Guilt bucket got heavier for her, I would expect some spew / fall out coming ... get the jacket ready.
Can't into details but W definitely spewing in such a major way... I really can't do anything right in her view right now and everything that is spinning out of control in her life is all my fault and she is not at fault for anything in her life right now.
I know this is all part of the MLC craziness -- I just wish my kids were not being so hurt by all of this. I am praying so hard that God will provide me/us with a wonderful new place to live very soon so I can get away from this hurricane and begin trying to heal some of the damage inflicted on the kids.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I am so sorry to hear that your WW is spewing and inflicting damage to you and your kids. Yep. That is classic MLC behavior. Nothing is their fault although they set all of it in motion.
Just remember that none of this has to do with you, it's all her issue (s) so the best strategy is to just ignore as much as you can and don't take it personally. The less reactive you are to her nonsense, the better.
Continue to be the best Mom you can, and yes, God will see you and your children through this dark time, with or without your W.
Yup ... I had a hunch, that added guilt with realizing the kids are going to be impacted was going to manifest and turn into pressure, if its one thing that triggers the Spew its pressure. She most likely will use you as the out, blame you for all this ... its easier to cast blame than it is to look internaly and accept responsibility, another storm you as the LBS must ride out.
Hang in there, it stinks I know ... but you are equipped for this.
So a few more details... found a great house -- a little more expensive than I wanted to pay for rent, but it really is a great house and will be so comfy for us... and comfy is important for the kids right now.
It is also very close to the kids' school -- which means it is close to our current home and where I work, so there are many "pluses" about this house. The only downside is that the family that owns it will be moving back in a few years, so we will eventually have to find something else.
My hope is that one of two things happen within the next couple of years -- 1) I reach a point where I can qualify for a home loan (should be fine once I have a longer salary history with the new job), or 2) W wakes up, realizes what a huge mistake she's made, and we start working on rebuilding...
Still a long way off from W waking up, so for now just focusing on making a comfortable home in a new place for me and the kids. And actually looking forward to having some physical and mental space away from W for a while so I can make more progress on my own personal changes.
Had a pretty good day today... I think W is happier now that we have a more firm timeframe for me to move out of the house. There was no monster today -- and she's been in monster mode pretty much non-stop for about a month now. I did get her a card for tomorrow -- wrote a really nice note in it a little while ago and then left it out for her to find in the kitchen. Just felt the need to say some things from my heart -- because really, despite everything going on between the two of us, I do not and never will ever regret making the choice to have children and build a family with her. She's just in a really dark place right now in her heart, mind, and soul -- but until she went to that dark place she was (and can be again) and amazing and wonderful woman, mother, wife, best friend, and so much more. I do not expect the card to spark any kind of "wake up" -- just wanted to let her know some of my thoughts and feelings... and to express a very sincere happy Mother's Day to her.
And on that note... I do wish all of the moms here a very happy Mother's Day tomorrow :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I know I also took something a bit more, but the fact it was closer to S, his school, W (That was not planned) ... it all worked out as my commute time has been drastically cut allowing me time to cook again at home ... so the money I am saving with food and gas ... plus more time with S ended up being totally worth it.
Maybe once your W is alone, you are removed and not the focus of all her unhappiness she can begin to do some work. I know if I was around all the time my W would have never looked once in the mirror.
