I have co-titled this thread to reflect another new song that is constantly on my playlist... "invincible" from Kelly Clarkson's new album:
"You know I was broke down, I had hit the ground I was crying out, I couldn't make no sound No one hears the silent tears collecting You know I had lost hope, I was all alone Never been so long till you came along Teacher, I feel the dots connecting
Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall Cause I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed So beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall Cause baby, I am ready to be free
Now I am invincible No, I ain't a scared little girl no more Yeah, I am invincible What was I running for I was hiding from the world I was so afraid, I felt so unsure Now I am invincible Another perfect storm
Know I got this far, had a broken heart No one hears the silent tears collecting Cause it's being weak, but strong in the truth I found I have courage now, gonna shout it out Teacher, I feel the dots connecting
Beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall Cause I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed So beat down on me, beat down like a waterfall Cause baby, I am ready to be free
Now I am invincible No, I ain't a scared little girl no more Yeah, I am invincible What was I running for I was hiding from the world I was so afraid, I felt so unsure Now I am invincible Another perfect storm
I was running from an empty threat Of emptiness I was running from an empty threat That didn't exist I was running from an empty threat Of abandonment I was running from an empty threat That didn't exist
Now I am invincible..."
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The key line from that song for me right now is: "I can take on so much more than I had ever dreamed"
So true.
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And the lyrics I love from "Masterpiece", of course, are:
"...I still fall on my face sometimes And I can't color inside the lines 'Cause I'm perfectly incomplete I'm still working on my masterpiece And I, I wanna hang with the greats Got a way to go, but it's worth the wait No, you haven't seen the best of me I'm still working on my masterpiece..."
-- "Masterpiece" by Jessie J
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Other potential news... If OW is not yet out of the picture, I think there may be trouble in paradise... Something just seems off - not seeing evidence for past few days of texting or skyping/phone calls... And two days ago I found out W turned off her phone while at S7's baseball game (would have been prime time for their texting - since this started W has always texted OW during kids' games with no guilt)... and this morning she wrote a manuscript-length email to someone (I think it was OW) while I was in the office on my computer. We sit back-to-back and her screen is too far away for me to see clearly, but she was writing forever, the email was VERY long (I could at least see that), and the "To" field seemed to contain a name that appeared to be the same length as OW's... And she did not start the email with any sort of salutation -- and I know from what I had seen in the past with their emails, she always used some sort of salutation -- either OW's name, or once things heated up, one of their pet names for each other... Absence of a salutation would mean (for my W) that the email wasn't necessarily a lovey-dovey email... I know this from my experience with my communications with my W :-)
I know this doesn't mean much -- the A could easily start back up, and even if it doesn't, there is no way to predict what will happen next... W will certainly go through affair withdrawal and she could always find OW2 instead of waking up, progressing through the tunnel, and realizing she has an awesome catch already right here at home :-)
Regardless of what is going on -- W is still being very friendly with me and there is peace in the house, so at least we have that. However, I now know that I am strong enough to withstand Monster if Monster ever comes back.
Thank you all for the positive thoughts and prayers around the job stich. I already feel so completely different this morning. I only thought I felt strong and confident yesterday before I got the news... now I truly do feel invincible! I CAN take on so much more than I had ever dreamed!
Life is very good.
God is very good.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Yeah, pay no attention to the quicksand that's W and OW. You don't want to get pulled into the pit. Look out for #1.
That's what I've learned from these boards... I am in such a good place right now. Not going to get sucked in. Just observing. Primary goal is taking care of myself and my kids -- but putting on my oxygen mask first for sure :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Did confirm that OW is definitely still in the picture -- not sure why they weren't communicating very much for a few days this past week, but everything seems to be okay between them right now... Oh well, whatever...
Doesn't change any of my plans for my own journey. Very excited about the new job, and very happy about the new daily habits I've developed over the past few months regarding meditation, time spent in prayer and/or reading the bible, and time spent focusing on myself and the kids. Just spent a little time going through all of my suits and business casual stuff -- the MLC weight loss program has definitely impacted my wardrobe... Need to go shopping next week!
:-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
W sent me a Christian song via email today... said she thought I might like it (given my recent interest in Christian music that I've shared with her) and said she really likes this particular song...
I do like it... I hope she is really listening to it a lot and that this is a sign that God is working on this situation and that eventually He will take her hand, wake her up from the fog, and lead her further along through the tunnel and out where the real work (inside of herself) can begin...
For now she's -- still in Replay, "in love" w/OW, and looking forward to me being out of the house... But at least I do see answer to some of my prayers that she will find her way back to God.
I'm really looking forward to this upcoming week. I should get word from HR about going up to their office to start on the paperwork for the new job -- and then should get an idea of an official start date. Feeling such a sense of relief that I secured this job -- it solves so many problems for me individually and for us as a family, and it also replaces some missing puzzle pieces of my "self" that have been missing since I resigned from full-time work to be a WAHM mom. Such a great feeling inside... Life is getting better every day. :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
This morning I am headed in to HR to begin processing my new hire paperwork. Such a GREAT feeling!!!!
As I think about heading up there this morning, I am reflecting on Proverbs 19:12:
"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."
I am reflecting on this because when I resigned from the district several years ago I swore I would NEVER work for the district again. I was so burned out and sick of it -- and had absolutely no desire to ever return.
But God apparently had other plans for me -- and what great plans!... I am really looking forward to this fantastic career opportunity that I am embarking on.
But this also makes me think of my W and all other MLCer's who talk about "no desire" to work on the marriage and seem so certain that they are not in love with us, never have been, and never will be again... In my heart, my response to that is "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." If it is God's Will, then it will eventually happen one way or another -- just like me going back to the district that I "divorced" with "no desire" to ever return to again.
The trick for the LBS is to learn to trust God (or the Universe if that is your preference), to let go and let God, and "be still" so God can work. I have finally learned this (the hard way) and am just letting W go on with her plans... With full faith that what God intends for us will happen regardless of what either of us think about the current circumstances between us (and between W and the OW).
Life is certainly never boring when you start to look at the big picture.
Time to finish getting ready so I can head over there...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
