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Joined: Mar 2015
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
My Story:
Married 13yrs
Together 16yrs
3 kids (Ds 10&8, S w/special needs 5)
H 38

I discovered 2 wks ago that my H may be in a MLC crisis. He's fairly young for it but he was in a severe accident in Sept'14 & laid off in Dec'14. Ever since his accident he's snappy, moody, he's not interested in doing anything for anyone else & he talks philosophical. Holidays & beginning Jan were fine. MidJan he bought a very expensive dog without discussing with me just went out & bought it. Feb he was leaving the house everyday 9-5:30 even tho he isn't back to work yet & on the wknds he would leave the house too for hours any chance he would get.

On 3/2/15 I confronted him about how he's never home & he said he isn't happy at home. I said feels like you've got 1 foot out the door on us. He said your right & Im leaving. He then abruptly went into a daughters & told them he was not happy & he was moving out. Despite all of us (me & our children) huddled together crying, he grabbed a few things & walked out the door.

He told me later that I'm controlling, unsupportive, miserable & let myself go! Now he speaks so ugly of our marriage & of me!

I didn't waste too much time in pleading, instead I decided to soul search & figure out what happened. I took a hard look at myself & decided to start improving myself & trying to find myself again.

Within a wk I also found out that my H was having at least a EA with a former HS classmate. Our cell phone bill shows texts & calls all day from 8am to late night, everyday in Feb including a 45 min call on my bday when he told me he needed to call his brother in law! He also spent at least 2 nights at her home after he left but he insists they are just friends!!! We always had an agreement that if either one of us was ever excited to see or talk with a new friend of the opposite sex we would tell each other cause that obviously means we need to work on us. He told me after I confronted him that they reconnected on 1/30/15 after running into each other!

After more crying & self exploration I decided I'm not giving up & Im going to fix our marriage! I discovered divorce busting & immediately bought DR. I couldn't put it down & immediately applied 180. There's been small accomplishments but we're still separated 5 wks now...I know this is not long but please be gentle with me as I'm cometely heartbroken! I cry everyday, wake up sick to my stomach, I've lost 23lbs, I have no appetite but I'm trying. Thank God for my kids, they are what keeps me going.

Last wk I was able to get him to a counselor, he said he would go for our kids sake not to reconcile. He immediately started the session with he's not interested in MC or reconciling. So the therapist asked what he did wish to accomplish & he immediately went into why he left. After us talking back & forth the therapist said she didn't know what was in our future but she's hearing things differently. After our session he went to the restroom & I asked her what she meant. She said she doesnt think the door is completely closed. She said he needed to work on himself & I should continue to work on myself & continue therapy. He has to have surgery so our therapy is on hold for now but I continue to go.

Despite how awful Im feeling inside Ive managed to do excellent DBIng the last 3 wks. Our Easter was wonderful, we spent the whole day together 1st at our home then went to his parents but that evening he brought us home & practically dropped us in the middle of the street! He then went "out"...who knows where but he didn't go back to his parents where he's been living. Day after Easter he just totally ignored me. He needs to have shoulder surgery & they moved it up to this Wed! He's planning on having the surgery & recovering at his parents.

His parents & sisters are pulling for us & just think he's going thru something. His best friend said he's making no sense. It's not just me he's not happy with he complains about our home, our town & now he's been doing women bashing as well which is totally out of character for him cause he's always had high respect for women. He says he needs to do him & he wants freedom & he doesn't want to be married anymore. As I said he's living at his parents & he said to me the other day that he feels like his life has come full circle...he's back in his old room, in his old town...he said it's like he's a kid again! I'm so scared I'm losing him to a new start but I know he still loves me!

Question?
Do I send the kids to spend time with him alone or if he wants me to come along too do I so we spend quality time together or do I play hard to get & let him miss me? Also let him experience what it will be like having our 3 kids to himself.


M40 H38
M13 T15
D10, D8 & S5 (Special Needs)
H refuses MC & wants Mediate D
BD 3/2/15 & H left, EA 3/15/15, probly PA
A Grateful Heart is a Magnet for Miracles!
I have decided I will save our Marriage!
Joined: Nov 2009
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Me-70, D37,S36

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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