hold on! - 9

[u-turn]

just journaling to put it out of my mind:

W texted me to tell me that she is sorry but OM gave S17 the tour as everyone else was gone.

and that he had a great time.

I wasn't going to respond, but did with "of course"
and "I talked to S17 already - he said it was good"
and then "thanks for letting me know"

I think she took it is "golly - what bad luck we have" - clueless? avoiding? non-caring? thinks I'm stupid?

she keeps texting me about possibilities why nobody else was there to give him the tour. (how about you planned this all along)

trivial in the grand scheme I guess, but this stuff is accumulating in me - time to call BS again?

[u-turn]

Yeah, did the same last night.
Asked to see W's phone.
She said no.
I asked what are you hiding.
She said "nothing".
Then show me your phone.
No, you've invaded my privacy in the past.
You started this A Feb 2013.
No.
I have proof - it was an EA at that point but still an A.
You drove me to it.
You've been lying to me ever since. There is no trust here.
Then why do you still want me?
Because I love you - you were a great person. I believe we can fix this.
How can we fix this when you screw up al the time.
You screw up all the time too - we just need to learn from our mistakes, forgive and grow.
[contemplative silence]

Yep - if she has nothing to hide and wants back in, she should hide nothing. It may be controlling, but maybe the only way.

By the way - I would have stopped before the red part up there. I think this still make you sound like a sure thing - or easy target. You may think it, but I'm not sure she needs to hear it.

[Vanilla]

Peterv2

I would have stopped at show me the phone. Then
No

Nothing further to say.

I agree with U on this one.

----------------------------

U
W is justifying and flailing. Let it go it is idiotic of OM to tour S. dbag.

Just nasty and W knows it. POW bought H some Chianti, I asked for H to keep it in his golf locker, as there was no way I wanted it in the house. He gave it away.

V

[u-turn]

Thanks V - let it go - I did/tried - internalized it.

---


S20 is coming home tonight. This is big news for me and cannot wait to see him. I've learned to not have "many" expectations though. He did text me - which brought up the previous text from dec 21. where he was saying good riddance to me. (I don't delete any texts. yeesh what a downer it was to see that)

I wish we were not such a mess and I hope it doesn't drive him away again when he sees us. I guess - put on a happy face and enjoy the moment with the entire family - right?

[u-turn]

W came home and I told her S20 was coming. She started to cry and asked me to "ignore us for tonight. She wants our son back - she wants our lives back."

I said I did too.

I said we need to be our best for our kids tonight.

[u-turn]

S20 came over last night - sadly with his gilfriend. I was hoping that she wasn't going to be there so I could speak more openly with him. But it was good to see him again. I don't like his interaction with gf because I can see that he is being a nice guy (x10). This worries me that he has learned the negative parts of a relationship from me. I want to teach him what I've learned

W was over the top crazy nice last night when they were here and at one point spewed at me for not being the same. I told her to stop telling me how to act.

I was being myself and was not trying to overdo it. She seemed so fake.

Before they got here,w and I talked about me mostly. I told her I was tired of living like this and that I do not trust her. I am unhappy about not trusting her. She apologized but I'm not sure it means much to her.

She still wants to journal to each other.

[u-turn]

I hope it's a good Easter for everyone here. I am reading about all of the pain from many of the newcomers and many that have been here a while and I pray for piece for all of you.

I wish I had more positive things to say. (I am not feeling it - as my situation further deteriorates).

But keep fighting for what you believe in.

[u-turn]

peace ^^^^^ duh

not piece (that would be dumb)

Have a great day anyway!!

[PeterV2]

I could use a piece. It's been so long without.

[u-turn]

Well, that puts a spin on it - I agree!!

believe I have officially gotten my virginity back (too much info probably)

Thanks for the laugh


well - here's wishing for piece to you!!