Old Dog seeks new trick 12

[Vanilla]

OD

Sorry: spot on.

R is spot on!

Lumps, bumps and buzzing in a guys pockets whilst dancing? Hmmmmmmm

V

[Old Dog]

Grrrr. I'm angry, That 'Grrrr' doesn't do it justice at all. I feel rage and hate in my heart.

It's going to take a supreme effort to climb out of this dark hole.

Just sayin' :-(

[Ggrass]

At least on vibe, there is some thrill! That involves batteries..... norty gg.

Turn it off. Get mad od, real mad. Her calls do not rate, period.

[Old Dog]

The vibrations do nothing for me Gg. I haven't had a stiffy since BD: that's over 10 months. Too much information perhaps but, hey I'm letting it all hang out: just not literally.

I am real mad Gg. My heart is full of hate. I curse her with all the inadequate names I can think of when I'm alone ... at full volume ... and then burst into tears.

I hate being abandoned, rejected and discarded like some worn out clothing. I hate the way she has just decided this is how it is and nothing in the world can change anything.

I feel a complete failure and so ashamed with myself for my inability to keep my marriage intact and loving. I even find it difficult to shave as I am avoiding my own eye contact. What kind of man are you? A nice guy. I hate that.

I am angry that I have missed so much of my boys growing up, especially in the last three years, and will do so again in the future because I have not and will not be physically there. I am angry that my communications with them when I am away is crap. I hardly ever call them on their own phones as they're always switched off or out of juice and I don't want to call the house phone as she will answer it.

I am angry that my nice new car developed an engine fault as soon as I got in to drive back and so I had to leave it at the flat and get the train again. Could I not just enjoy a couple of weeks without this piled up on top of everything else? This also meant I had to text WW and say I will need our car and can she leave it at the station. I am angry that I had to climb down and do this as I wanted to be independent and also roll up in and show the boys. S12 has seen it on facebook apparently as he asked me if I'd got it. Which means that WW may now know. And, it announced, the big service is coming up in a couple of weeks time. Oh the timing is superb.

There is more but I think that's enough for now. Today is not a good day and I am not in a good place and it's hard to just watch it.

[Ggrass]

It was a joke Joyce.

More than likely not so funny dad type joke. Use the emtion as forward movement.

It's tough, real tough look out for you.

Don't worry about the car, that's what the dealer has to deal with not you.
Your human od, human. Do not beat your self up.


But there is nothing to be gained from hate, she will feel those negative thoughts they come out when you least expect it. Just in body language.

Opposite of love is indifference. Work towards indifference.

[Old Dog]

I know it was a joke Gg. If I was in a better frame of mind I would have responded differently. But there you go, I didn't expect that kind of physical non-reaction. It's quite amazing really when you thin about it. I'm asexual.

Body language doesn't matter at the moment as we don't wee each other since I told her I don't want her here when I am back to see the kids.

I wasn't doing too badly until recently, but for reason I've fallen off the cliff ... and it's a long way up.

[Ggrass]

We all have bad days and yes we all fall of the cliff. Last week I was having a crapola week.

Things bothered me, I upset people and annoyed them, I was sensing people hated me.

And you know what this morning I felt sick after eating out just off.
Tonight it was time of the month. That explains last week completely. Absolutely completely.

That's big ugly word hormones.

;)now perhaps I will lose weight this week. Sigh I might just have to take up insert dirty word ......... exercise.

Oh and ads can have the no sexual feelings, if you take them.

[Vanilla]

Thought so.

BTW Cadet, can you add gaslighting to the abbreviations ... even though it actually isn't one. I keep forgetting what it means ... like now.

Gaslight after the Alfred Hitchcock film where a H tries to persuade his W that she is going mad by altering her reality. The lights go up and down.

I am going to post about the other Gg style stuff

V

[Vanilla]

OD

I am not surprised you are good and annoyed and that's fine you know. The car is irritating but it can be sorted, have you any idea of the issue?

I am going to tackle the libido comment because I get it. I really do. V has a high drive, car as well as sex. When this abuse happened with H all of that disappeared. I had the equivalent reaction, my desire which has been lifelong disappeared into thin air. It really has not emerged fully again but the twinges are there.

Rejection hurts, it hits our core, it hurts and causes real pain in our lives. it drives desire away, partly I think as a protective mechanism to prevent more hurt in our lives. I had not masturbated for almost a year before the desire came back just a little. Even thoughts of Liam and my very own plug in purchased (none of that battery driven, I need the hard stuff)......

But I am ok now. OD, this really is temporary thing, a gorgeous sexy Lady who loves you and wants to be with you and the anger will disappear. Or like V suddenly one day the twinges return, a lifelong lust habit reappears. After my H1 died it was very tough In the getting it on for V department.

Yes I know I am not a guy and don't have tons of experience in the shake the bed head numbers game as I need to be in a proper R to get my confidence. No casual stuff for V. Indeed sex gets better for me the longer I am in an R and the safer I feel in it.

I do understand why you are good and angry and truly it tinkers with the love of self which includes self love. That is the Kubler Ross grief phase you are in and it is absolutely completely on cue. if our spouses are running around getting it on, then all of it hurts us more because of the loss.

I would love to give you a great big hug, take you dancing, ride in the car and introduce you to your favourite film star.

It is going to be good you know with or without W. I internet promise you.

V

[Maybell]

V, I'm so glad you said that. I've been struggling with that problem for a long, long while now and frankly I've been worried it wouldn't ever come back. I appreciate you saying it can, under the right circumstances. Maybe if I worry about it less that are will improve on its own.

OD, this is not a fun time in your life but if you decide who you're going to be on the other side you'll have a much better shot of getting there. Keep working at it.