[beatrice]

it feels like he picks out of the tunnel, then gets scarred and goes right back into it.

I think this is 'normal' for MLC. I suspected he wouldn't get a better deai on the car insurance. They live in fantasy land, that is for sure. Updates are always interesting - and they show definite progress!

[job]

Bright,
You had a busy weekend and I'm sure you enjoyed yourself being with family and friends. Your h sounds like he was a curious man and asked quite a few questions this weekend. He's peeking out of the tunnel just a wee bit and it's interesting that he asked about the Memorial Day holiday weekend. That's two months away.

Sometimes they ask questions or the conversation stops them short and then they don't respond back. It's typical mlc behavior because something in the conversation makes them "think" and they don't like to "think" about what was. I wouldn't worry too much about it because he turned around and texted you again yesterday.

I'm not surprised that he finally sent money for the car insurance. Truth be told, he probably didn't even look around. They say that they are going to do something and then it's dropped. Besides, he knew he probably wouldn't find anything cheaper than what you already have.

Continue as you have been and yes, a positive attitude will attract positive outcomes. Keep up the good work!

[BrightFuture]

Thanks, Bea and Job.

Bea, do you really think there is any progress here?

Sometimes they ask questions or the conversation stops them short and then they don't respond back. It's typical mlc behavior because something in the conversation makes them "think" and they don't like to "think" about what was.

Job, this exactly how it happens, the conversation stops short. I think I’m used to it now, it doesn’t bother me at all.

Knowing him, I guess he probably did check a couple of options on car insurance. I’m just surprised it took so long. But, guess what… I was as patient and calm about this as a rock. I cannot even remember the times when I was worried and stressed about stuff like that, wanted to plan things ahead of time, wanted the things to be perfect, etc. It is total 180 for me. And it’s been like that for some time now. He should have notices, for sure… This was just another chance for him to see it. Not that I wanted to prove it, it is just so natural for me now

[beatrice]

I cannot even remember the times when I was worried and stressed about stuff like that, wanted to plan things ahead of time, wanted the things to be perfect, etc. It is total 180 for me. And it’s been like that for some time now

You asked about progress - in every way you are moving forward into a new confidence and enjoyment of life. Keep it up.

[BrightFuture]

H is supposed to arrive to the city from the state where he works tonight. And tomorrow he is supposed to come over to sign the tax return.

I texted him yesterday asking if there is any chance I and the dog could stay at the condo next weekend. There is a big golf tournament, and lots of friends I know from the vacation home place are going to be there. Downside of it that is that a lot of these people are also friends with H. I decided to ask H, even though I knew that he might say no. Which he did. He replied back saying that it is a golf tournament weekend and one of the “guys” might be staying at the condo. Then he said that if I wait for one more week, I can have the condo to myself. (This means that he is probably going back to that state where he works.)

Even though I anticipated this kind of response, it did sting a little. It felt like a rejection… It also brought up the memories and feelings… In the past, H would make some arrangements without asking or consulting with me. When I mentioned that I wanted to be part of whatever event, he would tell me that all the arrangements were made and even would get angry with me because I was upset.

So, my first inclination was to say something sarcastic in reply to his text, like ask him if the “guy” paid the bills or helped him with the mortgage, etc. Then I thought about it… So, I replied that I know it is going to be the golf tournament weekend and that I will try to make other arrangements.

I’m still processing my first reaction to the text. I thought I was making good progress and I’m not the person I was before. This conversation brought back the old stuff. Now, I’m upset. Is this so ingrained in me that it will never change? I cannot explain everything that is going on inside of me. I wish I would be a better writer.

Today, I have a better handle of my emotions. I understand that he might have made an agreement with a “guy”, or he just doesn’t want to leave the condo (like he did before when I came), plus, I’m not his W anymore and he doesn’t have to accommodate me. So, I’m making other plans for next weekend. I will find a place to stay, or will not go at all.

[Mighty]

Hey Bright. I think you are a fine writer, and I totally understand your feelings. (I have gotten some great posts from you, which have said a lot in a little and I know that you just get it. You are very in tune to things- and I get that with your writing... your point comes across very clearly- don't underestimate it!)

I also get the immediate reaction we feel, even if we think we have "changed" or "made progress." But, Bright, the fact that you think about it and assess it shows growth. The bottom line is, you feel hurt by his response, and that strikes a chord in you. It is human to have a reaction like that. But your responses have changed. You have a right to feel a certain way. But, Bright, you don't wallow in bitterness or negativity. You pick yourself up and move on- even when it is so difficult.

You got this, Bright. I understand, even when we feel we have no expectations, we can still feel rejected. And sometimes it comes when we didn't even think it could! Rejection stinks. But, he is the loser here. He will see it. He probably knows it already, but is in denial. He can't live there forever. If he does, it will be a pretty unfulfilling life.

[beatrice]

hi Bright - not sure what the legal/financial situation is wrt to Condo. maybe this is a good time to sort it out?

If you own it 50/50 maybe you need a semi formal agreement about who uses it and when (a bit like a custody arrangement!) Your h will not like this, but maybe a simple agreement about who gets first pick at dates etc would help clarify things. Suggest you wait until after this weekend to do that.

MLCers simply expect life to revolve around them.

[BrightFuture]

Bea, I was thinking about that… Do you think I still get some right here? I don’t know what to think anymore… My name is still on the mortgage, but he’s been paying it for over a year now. Well, the bill still comes to my house. He transfers the money and I pay the mortgage. So, he is paying for it… On another note, if not for me and him being married to me at the time we bought the condo, he would not have it at all. Does this count?

I don’t know. Am I too accommodating in all of these?

[BrightFuture]

Mighty, thanks so much for your thoughts. I feel that I can relate so much and post all my thoughts and feelings, but when it comes to actually posting, it doesn’t come as good as I would like.

I think I know that he feels like he is a loser here. He is just so stubborn… He thinks he can beat “the system”. He is still trying to find his “next phase of life”, but it is not going so well for him.

I have more to post, but I’m just so tired right now. I hope I have enough motivation to do the post tomorrow.

[123Gwen]

Bright- not sure about where you live but I was able to get a separation agreement that is a contract for the finances, property, custody and visitation. This might be available in your state. Talke to a lawyer.

My H works in another state as well. It is hard to live in the land of in-between. Separated but not divorced. I have found having one boundaries in a contract has helped me feel mentally stronger.

Like Bea said maybe just certain dates you agree to in writing? As for the condo as far as the law it is 50/50. You are both paying for it and using it. That is irrefutable. Does H have property where he works?