This no doubt has been he hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am doing everything from taking the kids out to me time. I'm getting better. Slowly tho. The other day I might has opened his eyes a little wider. When I told him I need a schedule for him to go and come he didn't like that idea very much. He quickly started calling to see how the kids were doing. I am trying so hard to let go. I am working on detaching from him. From depending on him. It's really hard. But I know it's for the best.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Depress honey, don't be so hard on yourself right now. It takes time, it takes a lot of work.
When you think you are doing better, then it suddenly hits you hard. Memories, toughs that comes to you, important dates. Don't let yourself go into crazy mode. Take one day at a time.
Sometimes, if it's better to keep quite and feel a little sad, then give the space to be like that too.
Believe me, it's very hard. Not only because of the separation, but you are hurt too. So be gentle with yourself.
With time, things start going into place, you start thinking a little more clear and start thinking about what you do that works better and what does not work.
Try to be calm, don't react to everything, instead think of how you can behave in front of your H. Remember who was the person that he fell in love in the first place.
Once he start seeing you stronger, he will start thinking too. But this will take time, even more then you would like. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon.
Start slow, plan some schedule that works for you and the kids. Get help from some close friends. Speak with a few people that you trust, so you will not feel like exploding.
It will be hard, but if you are here is because you are a strong person that is decided to work hard for your M. You have strong values, you are worthy.
Take easy and be patient with yourself. Avoid big fights with your H. Try to agree on things for the kids. It's very important that they have a normal life and it can be right now.
It's tough job. You need to be strong for yourself and for your kids, you need to protect them now.
You can do it, just go easy and be consistent.
Take care. Did you change the meds? Try to start with small dosages and see if you can control yourself. Drugs are good at this time, but high dosages will interfere in your normal self.
Yesterday I played with him. I acted like there was another guy in my life and he got so mad. He ended up looking at the phone records and got the number I was pretending to play with and he kept calling. At around 10 he came home all mad and he was acting like he was gonna go and find him. I told him why do you care what I do. You left me. Your the one who wanted a divorce. I asked what did I do so wrong he did this to us. He Said I Didn't Trust him. I said you gave me reasons not to trust you and this is the results I got. I told him I missed him and I just want my life back and he said I'm with you on that. After he left he called me. He said that he still loved me and that he's going to find his way back home. We both were crying and I told him don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it. He said he does.. I told him hurry home were waiting for you. I told him that there isn't another guy. I don't want my kids to have another dad and hes their dad. He said I'll make sure of that. And we hung up. Today we hardly spoke. He came and hung out with the kids for a few and left.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Thanks Pink for your advise and your support. i am here for you too. i just dont know how to go on other ppls posts and comment on their thread. sorry. im still new and learning.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
The first post on each thread is on page one of that thread. But those of us who've been here longer have multiple threads, so you click on that persons username to see what threads they've created. Then you have to go backwards by date to find the first thread they ever started. Who are you looking for?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Depress, I know it might not seem like it right now but it really does get better. In mid/late January I was a complete wreck. I lost almost 40 lbs that first month because I couldn't eat, sleep, or function at all. I just cried all day and was basically suicidal.
I remember one night very vividly laying on the couch with tears flowing down my face praying to God to just let me die. It's not that I wanted to die, I just didn't want to live anymore.
Now I'm in such a better state I don't even recognize myself. Give yourself some time and it will get easier. You will become stronger and stronger as times goes on and you survive each day. The pain is still there up but it begins to be overshadowed by your strength.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Depress, go slow, you want your H back and he could see the your game about another man in the picture. You end up showing all your desperation. And then you talk on the phone and he can see that you are begging him to came back home, to you.
I know you want to say all this, and you want this to be true. But please, be careful. And don't make it worse and push him away from you.
It took me a long time to understand that I should to let go in order to have some chance my H may come back home.
My H tells me he loves me, he can't leave without me and when we are together we hug, kiss and make a very beautiful love. Then he leaves, keep himself away for awhile and after about two weeks he comes back and I give in, the whole cycle start all over.
In the same time he says he loves me, he is also still seeing his OW. Now, after breaking my heart and disrupting my life for so many times, I decided that I need to enforce my boundaries and do not give in again.
H will taste some distance from me, he needs to think that I am moving on with my life. I won't let him see my tears, my sadness, my desire to see him coming back. All what he will see is that I am dialing with my life and he is not the center of it.
Be patient and try to see things the way they really are. It's one day at a time. Give your H some space, you want him back when he is ready to come back.
Hi Depress, Just read through your thread. I know how hard this is for you. I am pretty much on my own 60% of the time with two small children. Take care of yourself, take time for yourself, try to focus on the kids and having fun with them. Be facetious, as my sister likes to say--indoor picnics, impromptu parties/playdates, movie nights, games--anything to get your mind off of the situation at hand and create a fun, loving, stable environment for your kids. Your husband isn't there right now. You are the stable adult in their lives and the person they are looking to for comfort and security. Embrace that role and do all the things you might not have been able to do when your H was there. Find a fun TV show you've always wanted to watch and binge your heart out after the kids are in bed. Trust me, it sounds lame but it's a great distraction from all of this! And GAL your heart out too--not for him, but for you.
On the zoloft--STICK WITH IT, please! You have to give the medicine time to kick in. A few years before BD, after having my first daughter, I was given zoloft and I hated the way it made me feel too. I was like, really? I'm getting up with a baby at night and taking a drug that's making me feel more tired? Nope! And I stupidly quit taking it. Then my depression got worse and worse and after my second daughter was born I went on it again and stuck with the 6-8 week adjustment period and boom! I felt better than I had in years. I felt AWESOME! More energy even too, which I didn't expect! Unfortunately by then it was too late and my husband had had it with the depression and was done, but I still think zoloft is a miracle drug. If it does end up not working for you though, try something else, but you have to give meds a "break-in" period and not give up on them too quickly.
Please hang in there and keep posting (I'm terrible myself about posting). Love those kids and let them know you're there for them no matter what and enjoy them. I hate this situation but I do love my kids and I'll be darned if my H's leaving is going to make me miss out on these precious, fleeting years with them!!! Took me quite a while to get to this point!
Stay strong, Lorelai
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
