Squiggy, How are you making out? I am sure that there has been follow on interactions.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Squiggy! I'm glad to know you are still alive, and hopefully DBing like a trooper. Look forward to getting your update, and hope you have a good weekend!
T :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm hoping you have positive things to share in what is undoubtably a not so positive situation.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Long story short, I filed in order to protect my son and try to get physical custody. There are some things I've found out that moved me towards it. There is no animosity towards my wife or an expectation of any reaction to it towards the marriage.
The A has continued on while I've been in LRT, and she had made her decision clear. What was interesting though was that the day after she was served, she tried very hard to get me on the phone. I conducted myself mostly through e-mail, but I did agree to talk. We were on the phone for 45 minutes, but only 5-10 was spent on the pending divorce. The rest was R talk that was initiated by her. I should mention here that she was genuinely crying over the phone. She told me she had to leave work early the day before because she couldn't stop crying.
She told me we had agreed to take a year and work on things, and I said I understood we had agreed, but that was before the affair was known. She told me I've been distant and not talking to her. I told her the reason is because I offered her many chances to end her affair, and I needed to protect myself. She tried denying it and said they are just friends. I gently confronted on it and told her it started even before the move. She needs to be honest with herself. ((So you don't have to worry, I kept to my grounds of that I will not stay married with an affair in place.)) To make a long story short, it ended up being that she misses me, she is lonely, feels like she is coming and going, and was going to take some time to think this weekend and speak with both of her parents. I put it out to her that I know marriages can recover and be stronger from this, but I will not settle for anything less than a full commitment, marital counseling because we cannot do this on our own, and her moving back home after an appropriate time. I explained how I felt betrayed and deceived (in a non-blaming or accusatory way), and that I do strongly encourage her to speak to her father (I did not let her know about the conversation he initiated with me). Finally, I told her that she has a big decision to make which will affect all three of us greatly. It was made clear several times that she knows I will not change my course if she chooses to stay with OM. I have no expectations of anything changing, and my hopes are not up at all. She's had this opportunity a couple times before and chose to stay in the affair and have it in front of our child. As of today she still hasn't come to a decision and allegedly spent the weekend alone.
I'll make it clear that I do still love this woman and pray daily that she turns away from the affair so that she can go back to being herself. Filing was easily the hardest decision I've had to make in my life. If I did not have to worry about S5, I would not have done so this early by any means.
Last edited by Squiggy; 03/30/1510:40 PM.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
From what you described that sounds like a respectful, no non-sense approach, focused on what is best for S5. I think you did a great job. I bet it was difficult. How do you feel about it?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Surprisingly, it wasn't that difficult at all. I've dropped the rope and am letting her decide what she wants to do. There is no doubt that I wish she would choose to come back to the marriage, and at the same time, it is not my decision to make for her.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
You stuck to your guns and painted a fairly clear picture to her on what happens if she continues with her A.