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alpha99 Offline OP
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Just had a missed call from W at 6.15pm. At this point I imagine she'd be back in her place if she had indeed gone her parents' house for tea. So, I wonder why she is calling me? Hmm going off recent history, it would have to be to see if I could taxi her/the kids around from A to B to suit her. That won't be happening. I.won't be answering any calls from her this evening. I await the 'heartfelt' text or email from her proclaiming its importance.

Ha. She called again as I wrote that last sentence. Sorry love, I'm busy GAL tonight haha


BD - 30TH JAN 2015
S - 30TH JAN 2015
PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014)
CONTINUAL TALK OF D
ME: 31
W: 28
T: 10yrs
M: 4.5yrs
D:5, S:6
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Just make sure to send a text later to acknowledge the calls and verify that the kids are not sick/hurt.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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alpha99 Offline OP
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Good point. I'm going out in a bit. Providing she doesn't call/text/leave voice mail to say it's important, I will text her later this evening when I come back in to acknowledge her messages and see what she wants.


BD - 30TH JAN 2015
S - 30TH JAN 2015
PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014)
CONTINUAL TALK OF D
ME: 31
W: 28
T: 10yrs
M: 4.5yrs
D:5, S:6
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I agree with Twin. You need to get the right balance with the responding. Don't make it into a power struggle and be a dork about it. All you are doing is leading a busy life, and you aren't always glued to your phone.

But I agree, the kids are all important. And if you have had a call - you can always drop your W a quick text to see what she wanted.


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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alpha99 Offline OP
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I texted W back to see what she wanted. She called and called but I texted to say I'm going out. She called several times and then texted to say she's had a change of mind over childcare arrangements. Apparently she trusts me to have the kids three nights a week but not two nights because she knows what I'm up to and it won't work.

Talk about paranoid. My guess is she has had a talking to by her mum who has warned her against giving too much away in case it jeopardizes future custody arrangements. From my side I just want to see my children.

In other news, my intel tells me W joined a dating site a few weeks ago. I don't think anything has come from it yet but it shows where her mind is at. The funny thing is I'm not that surprised or bothered by it. Is that a rebound relationship I see coming haha. Maybe that does mean A is over - who knows?

Edit: I called her out over the trust issue by saying if I can be trusted two days a week, what's the problem with three days? After replying instantly to every other message, funnily enough she hasn't responded straight away this time.

Last edited by alpha99; 03/30/15 07:50 PM.

BD - 30TH JAN 2015
S - 30TH JAN 2015
PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014)
CONTINUAL TALK OF D
ME: 31
W: 28
T: 10yrs
M: 4.5yrs
D:5, S:6
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 399
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alpha99 Offline OP
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Wow, what a mad evening.

I went out, came back, and had several missed calls and a text from W. She wants to renage on our agreement. It turns out she has had family legal advice again. We had a back and forth via text about whether it should be two or three days, both giving our reasons.

I called her thinking it would be easier to speak on the phone. When she rolls out the BS I called her out on it. She put the phone down on me. I tried calling back a few times before sending a text to say she was being childish and we need to discuss this.

Enter the dragon: MIL calls me. I didn't answer. I've got wise to what's coming, a crazy lady ranting - no thanks. So she texts me accusing me of harrassing her daughter.

Let's do the maths:

W called me 17 times today.
I called her 6 (including problems with the line, her putting the phone down/me calling back).

I reply to MIL saying pretty much that and ask her not to text or call me, nice and calmly in a matter of fact kind of way. She replies back saying she'll text me whenever she likes, me and W are over, all her family are around her now.

Unbelievable. We have never got on. Given the chance MIL will control every aspect of W's life. MIL wanted to pick our mortgage when we bought our house, wanted to pick how we decorated, wanted W to work near her house so she could stay over at MIL's. Because I had none of it she took a dislike to me. She showed signs of being nice recently but clearly that was an act. Unfortunately my W is indecisive by nature and hugely swayed by other people, particularly her mum.

I fear things are about to get a lot worse. I could temper things by agreeing to two days a week. W did say in one message we'll see in a few months time about changing.things. The thing I don't get is that she complains she has no free time but won't let me have them. It is definitely not about trust, that is a ruse. It is about her being strongarmed by her mum to protect her legal rights. They must be scared of giving away too much.

Considering all the events of this evening I don't feel so bad. I've been the gym, set a new PB, and now I'm pretty tired. With MIL hell bent on waging war I do see it being difficult for W to gain clarity and/or to reconsider things given any length of time.

I have had a shift in mood the last few days though. I've written before: I love my W, I want things to work out, but as I come to accept it may not, and given the circumstances are stacking up against me, I am more and more able to detach, think of myself, think of my children, and what will be will be.

Does anyone have any advice given what's gone on. I'm sure the legal route would go.against me. Should I accept two days a week and hope W's inability to look after kids properly means she extends things over the short period?

Any sort of R between us seems light years away now. Dating websites, family 'army' backing W up, no desire on her part to work on things, apparent mistrust of me, using the children in game.playing. Wow, how did we ever get here?


BD - 30TH JAN 2015
S - 30TH JAN 2015
PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014)
CONTINUAL TALK OF D
ME: 31
W: 28
T: 10yrs
M: 4.5yrs
D:5, S:6
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 399
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alpha99 Offline OP
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Oh, just to add: at one point during call W said she doesn't want to speak to me at all because everything I do and say annoys her. She also said I was upsetting her on the phone. BS. Another ruse to fend off her illogical mad cap rants


BD - 30TH JAN 2015
S - 30TH JAN 2015
PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014)
CONTINUAL TALK OF D
ME: 31
W: 28
T: 10yrs
M: 4.5yrs
D:5, S:6
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
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Why would the legal route "go against you"?

Consult a lawyer ASAP!!!

I am not in the UK but there are lots of people on this site who are. I don't remember any one of them speaking like this.

(Ok this is serious advice but do whatever you want with it)

Go get a job at McDonald's on the days your not with the kids and use every penny (or whatever currency is called) to hire a lawyer.

Do NOT speak to your wife about it, just go do it. Then have your lawyer draft a letter to your wife stating what days you will have the kids and if there are any disagreements you will be happy to peruse legal action, including kidnapping charges.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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Like has been said plenty of times. The children agreement is key. And sticking to it. However, if she gives you one of her days and you are free, I would take that as a bonus and have the children over. Document every instance. Also, she may ask to trade days, you don't have to if you don't want. Just say you already have plans with the kids or on the off day. Document everything for possible need in a crazy custody battle.

I hear what you say about the MIL. My MIL, SIL, and BIL were the same way. It wasn't until I ended their communication did my W see the poison they were filling her head with.


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Alpha

I think it's time to start speaking with action and not words. Get a L protect yourself and your kids.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
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