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Mighty #2552221 03/29/15 07:20 PM
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job Offline
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Travel safely and enjoy your time away.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2552288 03/30/15 12:19 AM
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job, you have a heart of gold. You are so knowledgeable, compassionate, and giving. You are truly a special person.

Mighty #2552321 03/30/15 02:28 AM
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Hi Mighty,

May I offer my perspective on all this? Your ex-husband has been extremely adapt at dismissing you. He has been deliberately vague about what path he wants to choose and his indecisiveness literally put your life on hold.

But what is maddening are his actions.

Although his words are indecisive his actions have always shown clarity. He bought a house with the other woman. He divorced you. He is raising a child with her. These actions are not vague. These actions are decisive.

If he had bought a home with you…if he were living with you and raising your children…you would clearly know what his intentions are.

Mighty, I strongly urge you to look at his actions. He is dismissive. He has always been dismissive. And now that you are divorced he can be dismissive without emotional guilt.

Will this change? I do not know. But my heart breaks for you. You are in the most painful situation possible.

Your husband is probably one of the more cruel people on this board. His dismissal of you, your marriage, and your children has been stunning. His passivity when dealing with the emotional fallout caused by his actions is equally stunning.

I am pretty sure all you really want (at this point) is your ex-husband to recognize what he has done.

“For goodness sakes—Acknowledge the destruction your selfishness has caused! Because of you (ex-husband) I (Mighty) will probably never fully trust a man again. Our children will probably never fully trust another relationship again. Why? Because you (ex-husband) selfishly wandered outside our marriage!”

But this isn’t going to happen. It never does. Even in the best of circumstances--when an ex-spouse actually recognize the destruction they caused—they never fully grasp it. This is because the destruction didn’t happen to them.

Throughout this entire process you did the right thing which was—remain committed to your marriage. Marriage isn’t the promise we will stay in love forever. Marriage is the promise that we will still be there when/if we can’t stay in love forever.

Mighty, you had a terrible thing happen to you by a very cruel and insensitive person. Maybe this wasn’t the person you married but it became the person you divorced. And I just wanted to stop by your board and tell you how sorry I am about how terribly he has treated you.


M: 62
H: 67
Bomb dropped: October 2012
R: 4-2014

I've never regretted saying "I'm sorry"
Hope414 #2552323 03/30/15 02:41 AM
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Hope you have a wonderful trip, Mighty:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Georgiabelle #2552662 03/31/15 01:36 AM
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I hope you and kids are having a great trip!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
BrightFuture #2552982 03/31/15 11:21 PM
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Hope you have an amazing time, sweetie. You deserve it.

uRworthy #2553054 04/01/15 05:22 AM
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Laying down good new memories is so important. Have a great week.

beatrice #2553155 04/01/15 02:09 PM
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Thanks so much you guys. Your support & well wishes make me feel great. Hope- haven't heard from you in awhile. Wow. That post was.... Meaningful! You are right. Absoutley right. And I have referenced that a few times over the past couple of days- when things are tough. Now, that's perspective!

Things are ok. The weather is beautiful. And out plane at home had to be de-iced before we could take off- so weather is a key thing for us now!

Had some tough moments. I have to admit, this is a one foot in front of the other experience. Overall, we are having a good time. But xh's absence is pretty daunting. Xh & I never had vacations growing up. Started out fam young & a not a lot of $. So we worked hard to make that happen for our kids. We wanted them to have experiences we hadn't. So really, not only did xh and I do mostly everything together for the first time, but with our kids too. Yesterday, we were doing something and I just had this thought about how close we all were: and how it is just unbelievable that we are here today- in this different life.

Xh's name has come up several times. "Remember when..." Good things. Good memories. S18 has said things like, oh we don't have to worry about that bc dad's not here... Just recognizing the change in the dynamic. You know the REMIX FAMILY VACATION! Both kids have mentioned that xh is texting them a lot "like every hour" according to d14. Things like, "what are you doing?" "How's the weather?" Maybe he wants a play-by-play? Who knows. I just stfu and keep moving..... And try to keep my stupid brain from going 1,000,000mph.

S18 still does not respond. Still hasn't spoken or responded in a few weeks. He told me his dad tried calling him the day we were leaving. He called from a work phone so s18 didn't recognize & answered. He heard xh's voice and son 18 said, "hello? Hello? Hello?" Pretending a bad connection then hung up.

Hmmm... Xh bought tickets to take s18 to see Kevin heart this month (bday present). S18 asked if he could take the tix and not go w his dad. I just said he needs to talk to his dad about that.

So... I feel very blessed that I am able to be on vacation w my kids. We are enjoying things, eachother, being away. (D14 mentioned to s18 their uncle, xh's bro, is here w their cousins. S18 said not to contact him- he does not want to see anyone in xh bloodine.) yup- he needed to get away too.

Btw--- I have never seen more babies in my life than the past few days. OMG.

Mighty #2553233 04/01/15 05:17 PM
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Quote:
He called from a work phone so s18 didn't recognize & answered. He heard xh's voice and son 18 said, "hello? Hello? Hello?" Pretending a bad connection then hung up.


Lolol - when my ex used to call me and start spewing, my cell phone would mysteriously drop the call wink Eventually he got the message and limited himself to texts and email.

(Incidentally, I remember the day when it occurred to me "wait a minute, he's divorcing me, I don't have to listen to this anymore" and slammed my old flip phone shut. Felt SOOOOO good!)

kml #2553377 04/02/15 01:14 AM
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Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
He called from a work phone so s18 didn't recognize & answered. He heard xh's voice and son 18 said, "hello? Hello? Hello?" Pretending a bad connection then hung up.


Lolol - when my ex used to call me and start spewing, my cell phone would mysteriously drop the call wink Eventually he got the message and limited himself to texts and email.

(Incidentally, I remember the day when it occurred to me "wait a minute, he's divorcing me, I don't have to listen to this anymore" and slammed my old flip phone shut. Felt SOOOOO good!)


smile smile smile


M: 62
H: 67
Bomb dropped: October 2012
R: 4-2014

I've never regretted saying "I'm sorry"
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