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overcom Offline OP
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One of my troubles is finding myself. Because I'm so depressed and can't seem to get this off my mind I have self pity parties for 1 all night long. While reading the divorcing remedy book I cry, shower I cry, praying I cry. I can't find myself...


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
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overcom Offline OP
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When he comes and hangs out I usually do inside chores. I'm trying to find me but because of my depression I can't seem to focus. frown


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
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overcom Offline OP
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Posts: 360
All day I just want to curl up in a corner and cry my heart out. I can't imagine my life without him. Today he didn't come to see the kids, even after my son called and asked him to come home. My heart is hurting so much. Praying and trying to stay positive.


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
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Hi Depress,

Welcome to the board. You will find that many people here are in the same situation as yours.

I am not a vet, but have been making enough mistakes that finally it all makes more sense to me now.

First, when anyone says to you that it will get better with time, it is really true. It seems for you right now that in your sitch, it will hurt forever... Yes, it will hurt always but not the same way all the time.

With time, you will know how to prioritize your needs, thinking about him won't be the same pain anymore. It will hurt, but in a different way.

The more you improve yourself and look for things to do for yourself, the easier it will get.

It's not a piece of cake when you have kids to take care off. But, as much as it is hard, we can stress enough that you need to find something to do and get yourself busy.

Look at everything...your hair, the way you dress, your weight...start small and look for other stuff too. Go out with friends, even if it is for a cup of coffee.

The crying, depression and anxiety gets better too. That's why everyone will say you need GAL activities. It helps with the anxiety and depression. You are relearning to be you again, it's very hard and will take time, but at the end it is the one thing that will help you to get him back, if ever.

It all seems to be mixed up right now. Try also to understand that your H is also very mixed up. At least he is not ignoring his kids and is helping you around the house.

Calm, be patient, it takes time to adapt to the new life you have. Take good care of yourself and as hard as it may sound, you need to eat and sleep well.

The journey can be a long one. So, have that in your mind that it will take longer then two or three months, this will help you not to think everything needs to be resolved over night.

You can do girl. Believe me, things will ge better, and I can say that time to time it will get really hard to deal with.

Hang in there and keep posting. You will feel much better tomorrow/

XOXO
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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overcom Offline OP
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Hi pink thanks for replying. I'm sorry your here too. I'm trying so hard to stay positive I watched the video to the secret. So I'm trying to use that method too... I'm really trying to break out of the depression some days are better some days are worse.


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
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Originally Posted By: depress
Monday I need to call the dr and change my prescription/meds.

Please let us know how this goes.

You get to CONTROL you, so if you want to beat depression then it is up to YOU to do what is best for YOU!

I am not saying it is easy, but I really think that
when you get to the other side of this
you will be greatful for the chance that you
have been given.


Me-70, D37,S36
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overcom Offline OP
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So here is a new story that happened last night. I got a random message from some lady who goes to beauty school with the ow. She was saying that the ow introduces him as her husband and that she has two step kids. This lady is friends with one our acquaintances so she asked her what his wife's name was and she was shocked that it wasn't the same name as the ow. This lady also told me that my h pays for all her bills and schooling too. So no wonder he has no money for us. I also found out that he lives with her and her parents and her son.
I confronted him and he was so mad. I told him you want a divorce go ahead but do you think you'll get rid of me or you won't see me ever again I said think again. It's still like being married except no sex. I said if you file for divorce your going to have to split everything yes everything even that car you bought her. He was like I know I told you I'm 100 percent here for my kids I said really. And started laughing I said ya right your like only 40% here for them. Your never here when they need you or want you. After that he left. Today he called and asked about the kids. I told him they are still sick but fine. I told him I need my car back. So I went to pick it up and asked him are you coming to see the kids today and he said maybe if I get a car. I said just know that your not hurting me your hurting them. And drove away. .. ahh I'm shaking and can't believe I talked like that to him. It felt GREAT TO BE B....


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Good job standing up for yourself. You established your boundary without drama which is VERY hard to do. It's amazing what a WAS will try to get away with.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Mar 2015
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overcom Offline OP
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Thanks mr. Bond


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Hi Depress,

From my experience from doing many things that were so wrong, I would say that the beginning of the sitch is very, very hard.

We can't really control the anxiety, depression, nervousness, we are hurt, angry and we want it all go away as fast as yesterday.

But, it does not go away, and it does not get resolved very fast. So, for each time you need to do or say something, take some time to think what you will accomplish with it, what are your goal doing something versus something else.

I also know it is easy to try your best to show up, but in a long run it does not help the situation all the time.

I made many mistakes when there were a lot of good advice to just let go and detach. Think and do things for yourself and your kids.

Believe me, I just hurt myself this way. Today, I am really thinking about enriching my life, take vacations with my kids and let my H do whatever he wants to do.

I want my space and my time to use it to take care after myself and become a person I admire and love.

In my sitch it became a pattern. every time I would let go, my H came crying, saying how much he loves me, then I would give in, make love, kiss, hug. After a nice time together, he would go again.

Finally I learned my lesson, and I know now that the only chance I have to recover my M is if I became stronger, happier and independent. The thing is, that as it gets better and I feel better, less I think I am dying without him.

It's not easy, but it get easier. You are the most important person for you, then comes your kids.

Hang in there, be patient and try to learn as much as you can.

Love,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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