Weeellllll, I truly doubt it's a coincidence that you dreamed of your grandmothers. Apparently, your subconscious mind was just chomping at the bit to point out the two women in your life so far that you consider wonderful examples to you (and others, no doubt).
I'm often humbly amazed at the power of transformation and how this universe wants us to grow and change. Yes, I'm a believer in God and give Him full credit, but for the folks that call Him something else, I'll just credit the divine magic of our existence here on earth. Your post is an example.
My grandmothers were much like yours in spirit and moxy. Like you, they are my role models in life. They faced similar hardships and their upbringings were similar to yours in keeping a stiff upper lip and moving forward. My dad's mom had 7 children and lost the 2nd when he was 2 when he fell out of an apartment window when they were living in St. Croix (how awful is that?). She grieved him greatly, but knew that my dad (the oldest) needed her on her game, and she ultimately went on to have 3 more kids who also needed her. She passed away in 2008, and I can only say that my aunts, uncles, cousins and parents all miss her greatly. And the women in the family? We all wish we had a tenth of her fortitude. She lost my grandfather in 1995 and rather than focus on losing her husband of 60+ years, she said to all of us, "I miss the man he used to be, not the sick version of him. I'm still here. So I'm going to focus on all the things that apparently God thinks I need to do. And I will continue to make my family my #1 focus." (She lived in Australia and her kids were scattered among these 2 continents.) I find her my role model in grieving quietly but living with us in the moment.
I was fortunate to have her still alive when I got the bomb. She wrote me a wonderful, compassionate letter that I will keep with me until I die. Funny, I had forgotten that. And funny that now that I think about what she said, it was to continue living my life to the fullest.
Just think. Maybe some day our great grandkids will be on Who Do You Think You Are... and what kind of person do we want our successors to think WE are?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I feel a little guilty for snarking and treating my situation with a little levity - but here goes.....
STBX had girls today. D3 threw up in his truck 3 times this morning - which he shared with me via text along with a comment that it was "not fun". He took her to doctor. The usual tests all came back negative.
Then he said the Dr. gave her a "prescription for committing".
I had to sit on my hands to keep from texting back- "Hey - maybe she could give you one too!"
Instead I just said "huh" and he replied it had auto corrected from "vomiting".
Well - There was an interesting development today. I'm doing my darndest not to read anything into it (and am failing miserably).
I know there are lots of new folks - so quick review. My STBX left me on the day of BD immediately moved in with OW about 45 minutes away and filed for divorce two months later. During all this time - he has bsically withdrawn into a protective bubble with her. I believe she owns the house they live in (although I am not 100% positive - it's possible they rented it together) He surfaces long enough to whisk the kids away for 6 days a month and we have very brief e-mail exchanges about various logistics (We negotiated the terms of the divorce ourselves, and very quickly). He's barely spoken to his own family during this time, although I'm on excellent terms.
One other bit of background. Both STBX are in law enformcement and work for the county in which he now lives. He was in the process of applying for other jobs at the time of BD- but then dropped those plans and has spoken several times about making detective for his current agency (which would give him weekends off).
So today - he texted me that he "doesn't know if I care but he is looking into employment closer to the town that I live in (with our girls)and will let me know if a background check is started (the background check includes interviewing ex spouses) The fact that he would work closer would have no benefit unless he moved closer as well - so I have to think that is on the table.
What does this mean? I have no idea and have tried my best not to descend into a vortex of speculation (without much luck). I do think it's a good sign that maybe he is starting to take the first baby step out of that bubble?
We are going to end up divorced- we are too close to the final date to stop it now. But, I would sure like, at a minimum, to have a warmer co-parenting relationship with him and if he's not in such a withdrawn, secluded place it would sure make it easier. And of course- I'm not going to lie - I would find it a lot easier if OW would go away (I think I could deal with another girlfriend post divorce much more easily). I have no idea if this move to find a new job is a sign of some cracks in that realtionship. After all, I guess she could just be planning on moving with him (if a move is even an option), although that seems unlikely.
So much for trying not to speculate. I can't help it - this is the first little tiny good sign I have had in 8 months.
Hi Raliced. Pleased to hear that. And as you say - who knows, but time will tell for sure. Your BD is similar to mine, and 9 months or so often seems to be a time when things can start to shift. Who knows the bliss bubble may have burst...
Equally, it may not be that and you already know to keep expectations at zero. He could want to be closer to his kids and is moving OW back closer to town. Hopefully not, but it's a possibility - hence the zero advice. Note it, go Hmm? for a day - and then keep the forward momentum going. If H wants to catch you up, he'll let you know for sure.
Pleased for you if it is a tiny sign of movement in the right direction though...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I know better than to have expectations. I did swirl this bit of info around quite a bit yesterday - today I'm back to shoulder shrugging.
In addition to everything else - I doubt that STBX is entirley logical right now - he may have the vague idea that he'll see the kids more by working closer to them but not necessarily living closer to them (He's made a few decisions since BD about practical matters that are wildly irrational). And it could very well be a financial decision. His current county is one of the lowest paying in the state.
That being said - it is the first sign of moving away from his inertia, and he did chose to notify me of this well before he needed to (the application process for these agencies is always months long) - so I'm going to do my best to up the friendliness a bit when I do see him - and monitor results. Couldn't hurt.
Started Operation "It couldn't hurt to be more friendly" this morning.
STBX has D7 all week for spring break and escorted her to a soccer camp this morning. I actually initiated a text exchange which I never do, and responded to one with a smiley emoticon.
I'll keep this up for a while and monitor results (if any)......
Hi Raliced. Just my two pence worth. As a famous person on these board said , do what works , How you gonna know what works unless you try ! !! Positive thoughts. Take care. Rd
