Went home for lunch earlier than normal today (got to work quite a bit early, so was starving). I just sat there barely eating even tho i was hungry, wallowing. 1/2 way through wife called 'just to check in' and give me her account of her morning so far and what her plans for the day were. i cried for 15 minutes after.
I just keep focusing on what could possibly happen with us in the future, instead of trying to focus on ME and Right Now.
I am sorry for the situation you are in. The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach today. Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction.
There are very specific & strategic things you should and should not be doing. A DB Coach can specifically clarify these things for you in your specific situation, especially with a WAW.
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Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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Yesterday started off rough ... Just swirling with insecurity and doubt. I went back to work and refocussed and started kicking some butt. Last night went to the high school for the district music festival... S13 plays trombone. I enjoyed myself. Got home put boys to bed, watched some TV and went to bed. Wife was joking and texting me during the music festival about different goingß on there and it was hard to keep the laughter down during the concert.
These are two of the biggest little things that I will miss the most if things fall apart (putting my boys to bed, the spending silly time together watching dumb tv & the ability for us to make fun out of nothing).
Friday is here. Great.time getting ready for Florida... It is snowing here in the Midwest so I am dying for 80's weather. Everyone seems in high spirit's so wish me luck on having a good time this week with the in laws!
Day 2 of family trip. Overall fun car ride...16 hours total yesterday with stops and 11 hours today. Lots of talking about just about everything you can imagine, even played the state licence plate game and we had fun together with it (39 is not bad BTW). Although she was working on homework, wife was involved with the travel directions, stop locaations, traffic searches, etc. I am going to go fishing tomorrow with the boys. If she wants to come I will embrace it and have fun no matter what. Think we are going to try some kayaking.
Believe me, I understand what you are going through, heck, most of us do. It's impossible to plan a future when one major decision is left to someone else. Often times, I find myself feeling like I am tumbling down a hole, doing everything I can to grab ahold of the walls to stop the drop.
Read your books, read the links, detach.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Hi hwkies, You sound like you are doing great. Congratulations on the GAL activities and confidence building, 180s and detaching. It's very very hard. I know it's easy for me to say- but hang tight. They are the ones lost in the fog. Have you read the lighthouse story on cadets welcome post? I re read that frequently and tell myself to be stable. My wayward husband is in an EA which makes things tough. But like your waw he states delusional future plans- such as remaining living together as he cares about me.. You wonder how this intelligent being you've been in love with is coming out with all this BS and do they actually believe it themselves.
We all have those days where we feel like it's hopeless, I'm having one of those today myself. BUT the process works, and it seems like you get some results. I would love to have sex with my H or him to grab my hand or even sleep in the same bed as me. Hang tight, you've got this
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thank you cherry. I've read all those links multiple times, and as far ad doing good - i certainly feel better about myself and don't cry myself to sleep every night anymore...so that is a good thing. For my marriage I am stick in a state of limbo for quite a while, some great days and some soul crushing ones.
I will never understand the mind of a was...how any would leave behind the one that they love. I understand have needs not met...because that is where my grumpiness really started... Working my backside off and not being appreciated...not even being recognised to the point I would get PO'd. I even remember thinking why should I do x if you aren't doing y. I have the tools now to deal with these situations...I wish I would have understood my wife earlier. Worse yet, think of how far behind us they are at understanding each other...this is indeed a process. I am an engineer and everything I do is solving problems and reducing uncertainty from a design or situation... DB definitely is a change of mentality.
