I truly believe I am dealing with a WAW not a Wayward Wife. As much as I keep digging even the things that seem to look gray do end up checking out over time.
I also don't know why she wouldn't admit it at this point. W wants a divorce asap and I have told her if she is messing with anyone, I would know it is time to give up. In WV it is a no-fault state so she would not lose anything by telling me.
Now if I text or call her at night she won't answer so I think she is out. But then if I drive by her house I will see she is home the entire time and no other cars are there.
When I saw W yesterday she is totally run down. She told me she will die trying before she ever admits she can't do it alone. She says she gets up at 4am and goes to bed at 11 trying to get everything done.
She still keeps saying the same reasons why we can't get back together 1. I never complimented her 2. I loved the computer more then her 3. My mom and her were very close and my mom always vented to her. Well my W started comparing our R's and said she is not living unhappy like my mother.
For the first time I am truly trying to commit to DBing. I have not called or texted all day today. Which is very hard for me to do. I have kept semi busy. I went for a long ride, I ran 5 miles, I read, and I napped.
I have tried everything else up to this point and nothing else worked. So now it is time to commit to this DBing plan. I really have nothing to lose, I already loss.
The times I am going to struggle with are when we have to see each other. Tomorrow we have to switch D14 plus we have to go over finances. She has them all screwed up and it will still effect my credit.
I really need any support I can get from this board especially today. I have tried to call some friends but one is on vacation with his family. The other is not home. I still can't bring myself to reach out to our mutual friends.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I feel the same way errod. I'm in the house alone and the STBX's mother has the kids. I think W went to see OM this weekend. I didn't ask. I hate this house.
It's hard to feel motivated, there is so much to do but I don't feel like doing anything.
I'm going to force myself to mow the yard and make it look awesome. The kids are always happy to play in back yard after I mow. They'll be happy when they get home tomorrow.
I struggle with keeping busy. It's important, even if we have to force ourselves. My STBX felt the same way as yours about my computer time. I can hardly even play games anymore. I quit on BD and don't play much of anything. However, I did just finish a short gaming session and I didn't feel so guilty. As soon as I started thinking about STBX and how she hated me for gaming (and other stuff), I logged off. Still had fun, even for a short period. I figured if I'm not focusing on what's in front of me and my mind starts to wander, it's time to do something else.
Now I'm off to do some yard busting!
Stay strong errod. I won't text or call my STBX if you don't text or call yours.
M:42 W:43 T:14 M:10 S:9 D:5 W filed 12/22/14 EA 12/31/14 PA 4/10/15 D final 5/13/15
...Now if I text or call her at night she won't answer so I think she is out. But then if I drive by her house I will see she is home the entire time and no other cars are there...
For the first time I am truly trying to commit to DBing. I have not called or texted all day today. Which is very hard for me to do. I have kept semi busy. I went for a long ride, I ran 5 miles, I read, and I napped.
I have tried everything else up to this point and nothing else worked. So now it is time to commit to this DBing plan. I really have nothing to lose, I already loss.
Errod, I hear the pain you are in. You are trying to figure out why your W left you, what she is doing, see the problems in W's life by her choosing to live life on her own (W looking tired), see what W has said to d14, etc. This is normal, but it will drive you crazy if you continue on this path.
I hope you see the problem here. EVERYTHING is revolving around W. Your entire focus is on your W and what she has done, and what she is doing. I hope that you see this.
You say that you need the board right now. You have already received some great advice. I hope that you listen to it. Get away from your computer, take your mind off of your sitch, and do anything else. A movie, walk around a mall, go to church, find a support group, all of these things you can do on your own without anyone else. But the key here is to detach and get your mind on anything else.
You will see your d14 tomorrow, and she is not returning your calls today (and blaming your W for this?) Give your daughter a break. You love her, you want to hear from her, but she is in pain also. Don't make her to be your support system, you need to think about her needs. If it is something important send d14 a text. But I recommend you do NOT call W. This is the key to start your journey of detaching. Accepting that there are many things in life that are out of your control. Peace.
I ended up going over there. What do I find my D14 who is only a freshman sitting on the couch watching a movie with some 17 year old senior boy watching a movie. Where is my W upstairs? I was beyond pissed off. I as a father should of been told about this before it happened.
My W only kissed 3 boys and did not loose her V until she was 18 to me. Now she has my D14 on the pill and is allowing her to have older guys over the house.
This is way beyond the marriage. I am a father first and this stuff is not going to continue.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
I am most mad because I wanted to do no contact today. I would have been able to if my D14 only texted me back when I asked her how track practice was.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Errod, let go of the control. You are getting paranoid. Your D has a right to turn off her phone. Maybe her and mom out together and she forgot it, or mom asked her to leave it off. I could see that happening, even if you can't.
It does not mean your W is filling D's head about stuff to turn her against you. However, you stand a good chance of ruining your R with your D by this type of behavior! Stop it. She will feel like she is being pulled in two halves.
Maybe she couldn't deal with questions or trying to choose between her parents today. I suppose even teenagers could get tired of drama. She's smart. She knows when you are fishing to check up on her mother. You have to stop it.
Now get out of the house and find something else to do. If you don't, you will over react when you do finally hear from her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2 If that was the case that would have been fine. Not her and a senior sitting on the couch together watching movies, while W is upstairs having no idea or care what is going on down there.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
