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Maybell Offline OP
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It was a pretty civilized discussion.

I did crack and ask him if he missed anything about me and he said yes, he missed just connecting and talking to me as we were doing. I almost asked him if that was what he'd missed why he'd trashed it by sleeping around, but then I thought, What's the point? It's done. Move on.

There were places where he asked me to do some things for him and I said no, that I had already set it up for him twice and he hadn't taken care of it and now it was on him. (I said this nicely, not snotty, but I was firm.)

My overwhelming feeling now is that this was all a huge waste. It didn't need to have been like this. But also I'm feeling kind of liberated. I didn't realize how much insecurity I felt relying on his management of out finances, and how disenfranchised I felt about our goals and plans. The idea of driving my own bus, of not just drifting along in his chaotic wake, is very exciting to me. I already feel more grounded than I've felt in YEARS.

Incidentally, Labug, I noticed a certain discomfort when you called him unhealthy. I think I had always thought of him as above me; it didn't really sink in that he actually could be unhealthy because he was supposed to be better than me. And he presents as a rational guy.

Well, whatever that is worth. But I feel ready for my new life.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Maybell! I love your most recent thread and posts. Brought a tear to my eye when you describe that dinner with your children. Very moving. And I know what you mean about your H missing out on some of the fun of parenting. Mine is too. I'm glad we're getting a chance to enjoy and appreciate these moments though.
Rock on! You're definitely on the right track!

Last edited by Lorelai; 03/28/15 03:52 AM.

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Hey Maybell

Happy for you for working towards indifference.

Would you say tonight's conversation was an improvement even from last week?

I would smile

Hope the lice is gone! We had a pt once and we could not get rid of it - we even ordered a tub of mayonnaise lol .. Finally the mom shaved her entire heAd! Poor girl

Last edited by T0324; 03/28/15 04:24 AM.

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Originally Posted By: Maybell

Incidentally, Labug, I noticed a certain discomfort when you called him unhealthy. I think I had always thought of him as above me; it didn't really sink in that he actually could be unhealthy because he was supposed to be better than me. And he presents as a rational guy.

Well, whatever that is worth. But I feel ready for my new life.


Unloose those chains and walk free, woman. smile


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
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Maybell Offline OP
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I've been trying to ignore this but I think I need some feedback.

STBX today got a call from a major bank saying someone was trying to fraudulently open a credit card in his name. He texted me to ask if it was me.

This is not the first time he has accused me of passive-aggressively taking revenge on him in that manner. He has received notification of accounts on things like Hep-C clinics, etc., and either accuses me directly of doing it or posts it on Facebook and wonders who "the joker" is.

Duh. I'm not passive-aggressive, I do things like throw him out of the house and tell him I hate him in a crowded Starbucks. I'm active-aggressive when I'm moving in that direction.

And JUST YESTERDAY I asked him to transfer my cell phone back into my name and told him I wanted to be as separate from him as possible. Why the H would I open a credit card fraudulently???

Do I tell him I find it insulting or do I just let my "wasn't me" stand?

It just occurred to me... Wonder if it was one of his Tinder hookups but it's easier to blame the STB ex-wife because admitting a Tinder lady could be the culprit would force him to admit the Flaw In The Plan?

Or maybe it was just a computer breach.

Last edited by Maybell; 03/28/15 09:45 PM.

Me42, H40
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She believed she could, so she did.
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Maybell, I would just let the 'wasn't me' stand...He asked, and you replied. I don't think there's any need to engage further on it - JMHO...

T :-)


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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I'd just say no. Speak with your actions. One day he'll realize himself how foolish it was of him to suspect you.


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"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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^^^agreed

This seems like a good time to take the high road and walk with grace and dignity.

Shake it off, shake--shake it off.


Me 38 H 40
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Originally Posted By: Maybell
I almost asked him if that was what he'd missed why he'd trashed it...


Hey MB!

I just posted on my thread, I've thought about this so much.

Lately I've been reading some of the Bible to my children. STBX and I didn't take them to church, so much of this is new to them. Still, they're young and I'm "home schooling" them a bit.

We've been reading the Easter story and the Crucifixion. How Jesus prayed for forgiveness to those that were persecuting him because "they know not what they do". I know I made MANY mistakes in my M. I had no clue how much pain I truly caused my STBX. That doesn't make it OK. The damage was done. But I can forgive myself because I am human and I am flawed.

The same way, I forgive my STBX. She's no different than I, her mistakes were just more destructive for the family. But still just mistakes. She knows not what she's done.

Already I feel better able to move forward. I'll regress again I'm sure, you know, two steps forward one back, etc. But tonight has given me a clear glimpse that anger is not detachment, and that as we can find forgiveness instead of resentment...peace of mind and salvation is ours for the taking.

Praying that all of you find the peace that has suddenly come to me today, that it lasts, and that we have the strength to get through our moments of humanity that inevitably will come again.


Me:38 XW:38
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Maybell Offline OP
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Tonight I'm watching Cloud Atlas. SUCH a great movie.

"One day ain't but a flea of hope."
"Yea, and fleas aren't so easily rid."


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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