I'm sorry you are having a rough go. Keep pushing through. Hang in there:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Sending you a virtual HUG and praying for your continued strength and focus.
You are going thru alot...you will get thru it!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Hi Matt, came by to check on you - I see you are not doing so well. Glad to read that your father is doing better though.
Mighty gave you good advice re: boss. The irony is that even if you were not there, your boss would find someone else to 'pick on.' A reflection of them - not you. If this becomes unbearable in the not so distant future, keep your eyes & ears 'peeled' for any other future opportunities. For now it is something! Isn't is?
Having said that logic doesn't 'feel' right when other challenges pop up at the same time. It's like having one dog as a pet in comparision to 'the pack' turning on you when aggravated, & the smell of blood is in the air - the adversity/issues seem TO FEED on each other regarding how we feel & so much seems wrong! Been there. But you knew that.
I wish I knew about cutting, but I don't. Thankfully some DB-ers do. I did come across this & thought about you. Karen Conterio, author of the book, Bodily Harm. Twenty years ago, Conterio founded a treatment program for self-injurers called SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives at Linden Oak Hospital in Naperville, Ill., outside of Chicago.. Does your D enjoy reading? I read about shyness as a teenager to understand 'why I was the way I was' Or journalling & collage making /expressive arts? Can't recall what she's done apart from c. re some of the older posts ... (as hard as I try to read/visit regularly I am not able to).
Reading about your neighbours was truly inspirational. Eventually, we have to create our 'inspiration' with what we have somehow, but it is trying when the sitch is somewhat vulnerable. I look at finding other interpretations of the 'fixed' views I had for my life.
Your Dad is better so that's good, your boss' sitch .. well you can tweak (thoughts, behaviours) a bit, if only 'to manage' work sitch in an effort to get through (!!) the day. Such creeps!! (had 2 bosses like that). The rest of your resources you need to conserve for YOU and Ds.
Take care of yourself Matt, 'breathe' ... really hope to read of better news on my next check in re you. p
Last edited by pbetra; 03/24/1508:01 PM.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Was wondering about you ...Hope you had a better day today Matt. This must be hard.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Thanks Braveheart,Live, georgia, 2B and pbetra! I love you all. Found out that the IRS says I owe them $20,000! How in the world that can be I don't know but I know that my stbxw is going to go crazy. The thing is since the year that they say we owe (2010), I now make so little I could very well get that amount dropped to almost nothing...but my W still makes $80,000 a year and since by the time this gets to appeal, we will be D, she may owe a bunch and me nothing. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I did the taxes and it was my mistakes that cost us. It is also true that was the first year she went back to work full time and she filled out her W-2 so wrong that they took almost nothing out AND she never noticed. Throwing her under the bus would save me but could also hurt her badly. I just don't see myself doing that. I may be angry at her but I also don't want her hurt like that either.
Considering how badly I got screwed in the "settlement", how she let me cash in my retirement funds and waited until they were gone before leaving, part of me feels justified to just let her fend for herself. She wanted the D, not me. But part of me (the better part or is it just the victim part?) knows that wouldn't be right. One thing is certain, I have to move and get my ducks in a row on this before it gets totally out of hand.
My W told me she was meeting with D15's school nurse and guidance C on Monday and promised to let me know how that went. Of course, I haven't heard a word about it (or the IRS thing) and it was 2 days ago.
I talked to my L and I owe $225 to someone that her L hired to draw up paperwork to put a lein on my home for the money I now owe her for keeping my house. Funny, it's almost exactly what the IRS says we owe them! He gave me crap when I said I can't afford to pay and even said that they are restless and I may have to pay more every month. The thing is the only reason I'm paying anything is the lawyers. My W said and agreed that I wouldn't need to pay anything until D15 is out of school. But because my lawyer was so bad, that changed. Hiring him was a huge mistake.
At work I found that making some sales has shut my boss up for now. He is just the kind of scared boss who always thinks the sky is falling. He also expects his people to just know how to do things without the training that he said he would provide. As I get more comfortable with my knowledge of the products I'm getting better and better. I will say that I think that I can really do well at this once I can establish some clients, get some referrals. It's only been 3 1/2 weeks that I've been able to start getting going. I just don't see how he could expect me to be doing anything that quickly.
I'm still VERY stressed out. Money is so very, very tight. I have so little time to myself as i work 55 houes a week. This weekend I have to work a tent at a local Chili Cook off that our company has entered. It may be work but it is a nice change and a good GAL activity. I still feel very odd and out of sorts when my D isn't with me. Thank God for my dog. He is really truly ny best friend right now!
I'm still slugging along. I have so much to do and no time or money to do it. Add that I have to take care of the IRS thing now and find the money to fix my air cond. and it really overwhelms me when i think about it. The trick is to not think about it all at once. Thanks everyone for posting. It really helps to know you are there for me when things get out of hand. Don't know what I'd do without you all!
PS We defin. need to have that get together we talked about over on Mighty's thread!
I can hear it in your post, Matt. Take a breath and get some perspective here, yeah?
The boss? He'll do what he's going to do. He may fire you. He may not. If you care, it won't change a thing if you ask me. Do your best so that if they a)promote you to his position or b)get fired you'll be able to look back and know you did your best regardless.
The ex and the taxes? Really? If you can get it dropped, get it dropped. If she has to fend for herself? Her issue to deal with. She asked for it to be that way and you're being too controlling if you ask me. It's not a kindness or right/wrong issue. It simply is something to be dealt with. Deal with in the best way you can for yourself like you were asked to do.
You seem to have enough to stress over at the moment without stressing over her feelings or how she'll talk about you to others.
Let that trivial stuff go, Matt. I was there once - I felt like I needed to do the "right" thing by her. Not go to the poor house for her choices though. That's not an obligation I have.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
... It's not a kindness or right/wrong issue. It simply is something to be dealt with. ... AJ
Matt, this is exactly how I feel.
This is not about doing right /wrong re W. We all know that many of us, LBS,' will not deliberately choose to do harmful or wrong or malicious things to our spouses (even if we kid around about it!! ) That's NOT who we are. We are just trying to get past the mlc issues & all the fall out that comes with it. You have to do what you have to do. That's it. Forget her - her insanity will 'cloak' her somehow. Yea, she may get upset but she gets upset anyway (!!) AND for much less!
Do what you have to so that you can 'pencil out' this issue, & leave it behind. You clearly have so much to deal with. Have fun GAL over the weekend - the chili cook out sounds like it's going to fun! Take care matt, p.
Last edited by pbetra; 03/26/1503:14 PM.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
Just catching up. You have a lot on your plate. (what else is new right?)
I am just really finding out about all the financial fallout from this process. I have been struggling too with trying to do the right thing by stbxh. I like the advice you are getting. It is what it is and let her/him be especially when much of the problem is their own making.
We need to save out energy to deal with the emotional fall our for our kidos
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
But you knew that.
Or journalling & collage making /expressive arts? Can't recall what she's done apart from c. re some of the older posts ... (as hard as I try to read/visit regularly I am not able to). 
The rest of your resources you need to conserve for YOU and Ds. 
That's NOT who we are. We are just trying to get past the mlc issues & all the fall out that comes with it.