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Originally Posted By: HeavyD
To answer my own question, I believe that the marriage is over when I decide it to be over, when I have reached whatever threshold I can bear. That threshold has yet to be determined.

I am going to slightly adjust this ^^^^^

The marriage is over at bomb drop for all of us!

We are the ones that ultimately get to decide.
Do we want a new marriage relationship with our spouse,
or do we want someone else.

There really is no other path that this will take.


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2551046 03/25/15 09:06 PM
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I am now formally represented with an attorney. Mediation is officially off the table.

I know no one on this board wanted "it" either. No ones wants to be lied to and cheated on in their marriage/relationships.

It's all just so tragic that human are capable of such beauty and such destruction. The beauty comes from love and family and destruction comes from the lies and broken trust. When will we ever learn?

Today is just a bad day for me - all of this wrangling has unerved me and has left a bad taste in my mouth.


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(((Heavy)))

I am so sorry sweetie...this is rough on you.

I want to gently remind you that this doesn't necessarily mean that it's THE END. Many DBers have been on the brink of signing D papers only to have it dropped at the 11th hour and reconciled (and happily so as well).

Hang in there.

Wonka #2551056 03/25/15 09:17 PM
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Thanks Wonka

As always I appreciate your support and guidance. I hope I have made a good decision, one that is best for me and my kids.

I have given this situation to God.


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Hi Heavy D, I'm so sorry things are tough right now.

Of course, Wonka is right and there is no knowing ultimately how things will turn out. People's sitches can go to pretty 'final' places and then reconcile.

I think the best plan is to keep with the forward momentum. And make decisions and behave in ways you'll be happy with years down the line.

Other than that - as with many of us (me included) hand over to a higher power and have faith that all will be well in the end - however things turn out - you will be okay.

((Heavy D))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2551092 03/25/15 09:57 PM
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Thanks Toots - I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.
I have no expectations, isn't that a core DB princple?

Best - Heavy


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I'm sending many positive thoughts your way, Heavy. Focus on you and your kids and you will get through this.


M 46 / H 43
T 24/M 18
S 4
11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY
1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom
1/8/2016 H moved out

Elly4 #2551237 03/26/15 02:09 PM
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Now just waiting for the fallout. Once the letter is delivered and read all heck is going to break loose. I honestly think it will be a surprise and a not expected move on my part.

The second letter will arrive the next day with one of the financial issues outlined. Again, this will make for some very bad feelings as I have been told this particulr issue is "non negotiable" which it is not. It is a matter of the law and that is that. Her opinions of what she will and won't do do not consitute her legal obligations. Another way of saying it, I won't be bullied anymore.

However, I will direct any exchanges to my attorney. I refuse to deal with the emotional issues entangled with it.

I have prayed on this, slept on this, ruminated on this, discussed with family and honestly feel this is my best option for ME and my children.

How it affects the "other person" remains to be seen but from my experience, it won't be good. I am not afraid anymore and have clarity that I lacked before. The first five months were a blur of flailing, making mistakes, emotionally out of control, just acting like everyone who experiences this. I made a lot of mistakes but learned through DB how to conduct myself and control my emotions.

Maybe it is because I have a plan, and have executed the first steps of the plan, and I am conducting myself with pride and dignity instead of being the doormat who feared confrontaton before.

Let's just see what happens next. Whatever it is, I am ready.


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we are rooting for you, Heavy, and will continue to send positive thoughts your way!


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Heavy,

I've seen that when people take the first step in taking some type of action that seems to be "scary", they discover their own inner courage and grow in confidence knowing that the world didn't fall apart. You've grown over the last 5 months. Yes, there will be missteps and backslides...but, by large, they will diminish over time as you learn how to really execute DB principles.

You got this!!

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