Also thank you Cadet for the list of threads you posted as the first response to my thread. I'm finding the material here very helpful. Wanted to say "Thanks" before I move on and forget to say it!!
Me 39 waw(ww) 26 M 5 years ILYBINILWY No children, miscarriage 3/14 EA 11/2015, confirmed 4/2015, pa? Separated 2/2015 She files D 4/15/15 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LcZ7D6YG3BY This is part 2 of mine, the link to part one is on that thread. I to, like you am sort of struggling to get a plan together. I'm working on detachment but having recently had his baby my head is all over the place! I'm going to check the thread of sandi's your linked to. It sounds like it might help me. Good luck, again I don't have much advise- but it helps to support each other and its a healthy way to vent instead of shouting at the WAS.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Also to Cherry and Starsky309: could you guys maybe post in here the link to where I can read your stories? I would like the opportunity to read and respond to your threads, and haven't been successful in finding them thus far.
Hope you have a lot of time, LOL -- I posted a LOT!
If you want the Reader's Digest version, go immediately to May - Aug 2007, as that's when my wife went wayward (NOTE: my posting name at that time was Chocolateeyes):
My burning question #1 tonight for the community here: How might I tell the difference between a wife who walks away because we were too enmeshed, too codependent, too involved to EACH have very much autonomy; and a wayward wife who walks away because of these things PLUS the fact she has another man in her life?
Intel requires snooping, right? I am far more capable of successfully snooping in this digital age than i care to admit online. I have found it best to not engage in it because for me, once I crack the seal on it I will not stop. That's a distraction in my life I don't need from GALing successfully - basically I just don't have the time to devote to it.
Even though I know you're right - that would be a highly effective way to get the answers I want - I also consider it disrespectful. Showing respect, or "Validating", is a 180 I need to do in this situation even though her wayward ways are an excellent example or her disrespecting me right now.
Maybe I will just ask her outright when we meet tomorrow to discuss this divorce she so suddenly wants.
Just got off the phone with my DB coach. She really has so quickly helped me fill in so many blanks in this area of my life, the best money I have ever spent.
I'll be sure to update this thread sometime this weekend with the results of my first face to face meeting with my wayward, walk away wife tomorrow outside of the workplace. This forum is proving a great place to "journal" and learn and reflect. I can't believe how far I have come since the bomb was dropped.
Far enough to realize I still have a long way to go...
I miss the true friendship of my wife, and cried today again for the first time in a week or so. This too shall pass. Time to keep on keepin' on!
Me 39 waw(ww) 26 M 5 years ILYBINILWY No children, miscarriage 3/14 EA 11/2015, confirmed 4/2015, pa? Separated 2/2015 She files D 4/15/15 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Intel requires snooping, right? I am far more capable of successfully snooping in this digital age than i care to admit online. I have found it best to not engage in it because for me, once I crack the seal on it I will not stop. That's a distraction in my life I don't need from GALing successfully - basically I just don't have the time to devote to it.
There are easy ways to handle this. You can only check it, say, once a week, or twice a month. Or -- even better -- have a trusted third party monitor your intel for you and give you only an "executive summary" every week (or again, twice a month) and immediately only if there is an immediate threat to your finances, health or family.
For the life of me, I will never understand why people prefer to fly thru these difficult situations without instruments. Just makes no sense to me, but suit yourself. It's certainly not "disrespectful" to protect your family from a potential predator.
I appreciate the "fly without instruments" analogy. You make a very good point, my situation is perhaps a little less precarious than many others. Basically I have protected my finances and assets quite sufficiently already in this situation, and in my state the law will not take kindly for her to make a grab for anything more than I have already *very* generously given her upon our separation. According to what we each brought in to the marriage, and the law in our state, any judge in our district will laugh her out of the courtroom if she tries to take anything that's not hers!
Your advice is kindly received Sir, thank you - I will be mindful of this going forward!
Me 39 waw(ww) 26 M 5 years ILYBINILWY No children, miscarriage 3/14 EA 11/2015, confirmed 4/2015, pa? Separated 2/2015 She files D 4/15/15 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
