Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Gwen, I can relate to the feelings of sadness. I still have these days when I just cannot shake it off. But, it gets better. I agree with Lou, you just don’t know what is going on in H’s head. I’m in a similar situation. He is far away and there is very little contact. Like Lou mentioned, if they would want to contact us, they would find a way. I know my H can be very resourceful when it comes to getting what he wants. I just hope one day it is going to be me smile.

Hang in there. You have wonderful daughters and you are an amazing woman and Mom.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
Hey Gwen, how are you doing? Think about you often and hope you are ok.

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
1
123Gwen Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
1
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
Hi Lou,
Thanks for checking in. Nothing to say re: H. He is still with OW cross country and I have no reason to believe he isn't happy. Does not talk to our girls (a random text every few months) but we haven't seen him in over a year. I am still grieving but these days I have accepted this situation.

Life goes on and so must I.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
Aww Gwen, its a horrible process grieving, I have to say that I did not grieve like this when my mum died, this has been a profoundly painful experience, one that has affected me on so many levels.

I am sad to learn that h does not contact your d more regularly, its seems to be a part of this MLC, they remove everyone from their old life and anyone who questions what they are doing. My h is now feeling the fallout from putting ow before his sons and they now have little respect for him. It will take a lot to mend the bridges he has destroyed.

As for no reason to believe he is not happy - I thought that too but seems my h wasn't at all, just as everyone here predicted. We don't know what is going through their heads and until they are honest with themselves they don't either. My h said it felt like conflicting confusion going around his head all the time, it never stopped and he just wanted it to stop. He ended up hating his life and himself.

I do hope that you are moving onwards, that you are finding happiness in your life, seeing that it is possible to laugh and smile again as you Gwen deserve that so much, you are truly an amazing women, strong, kind and caring. I wish you nothing but the best in life my friend. Whatever happens (and seriously you really have no idea what is around the corner) you look after you, do what feels right and enjoy your life as much as you can.

Stay in touch and keep me updated on how you are and what you are doing. ((hugs))

Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
1
123Gwen Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
1
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 564
So much gratitude for the blessings in my life yet I just can't seem to shake the grief after 18 months...

He threw us all away. The only time I ever hear from him is when he is leaving the country for business. For some reason it is the only thing he took from anything I ever said to him since bomb drop. Anyway he was supposed to go to Europe the day after the Paris attacks so I texted him that I wasn't sure if his plans had changed but to please travel safely. I got nothing -- not a thanks or anything. Not to even tell the girls he is okay. It chilled me to the bone.

The girls got their ".insert holiday here" text message. They chose not to respond to him because it was literally "Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you are having a good day." He hasn't bothered to see them in 18 months. They expect better and so they have gone completely dark.

Yes I am neutral with my daughters but it is still so sad.mSad that he has destroyed their love for him and their respect for him. Just more sadness. Will try to post more of an update later just wanted to release some of this sadness. It has been a good holiday with friends just hard not to reflect this time of year.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Hi Gwen, I hope you are having a good time with the friends. I can feel your sadness. And I feel for your girls… It is sad that their dad has checked out at this time… I’m waiting for more updates from you. (((((hugs))))))


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
Hi Gwen

I will wait for your update to write more, but in the meantime I wanted to send you big hugs. Release that sadness here anytime my lovely friend.

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 132
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 132
Gwen sending you a big hug. Thank you for helping me so much. I beat myself up too thinking I should be further ahead, more evolved. I love your "Reality is my middle name" moniker.

Reading about your sitch, I totally empathize with you. I see you taking it day by day all the highs and lows and that gives me strength. I'm not alone! Neither are you.


Buttercup

Me 50 H 51
M 17 T 20
D16
H EA Feb 2014
BD Sept 2015
H moved out Nov 2015
W Filed D papers Mar 2016



Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
HI


The grieving does end
But it takes as long as it does and then sometimes it still comes up for more brief
periods

MY XH left and he has had no contact for many years
we only recently got some FB messages from him to our kids

You do sound like you are handling the process well and after a while, it just becomes a memory with little attachment

Take good care-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 726
Hi Gwen
First of all great job with your girls. They seem very strong. I believe they get that from your strength.

I just read your story. I Am in the same situation as you.
W left me and my 2 girls 13-15 over 5 months ago. The D's haven't seen their mom in over 4 months. 3 emails since then in which my D's don't answer. They feel insulted. They like yours have said they are done. My W however had hurt them emotionally and verbally before walking out.

It is sad but I see now they are well. They have great friends and school is amazing this year. No drama.

They also said to me that I was the parent who was more present, loving, involved than W. i am sure you are the same. That is why our D's stick to us and it was easy for them to detach.

I hope your H wakes up and realizes what he has caused as damage in his selfish actions. If he does , Your D's will test his sincerity and will have him move mountains to repair the hurt. It's their trust that will be very hard to repair.

My W has missed so much in 5 months, I can't imaging what your H missed in over 18months. But That's their problem. You and me have missed nothing. I know there are sad times but think about all the smiles, laughter and joy you shared with them. I know I have had a lot. I'm glad I missed nothing.

I'm not expecting nothing from my W as contact for XMas. The girls want and expect nothing as well. We will have an awesome first XMas together without W. We are a family still.

Hope to see an update from you soon. Until then hugs.


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard